Red Flags of Financial Infidelity with Tracy Coenen | EU 1676 min read

May 1, 2023

Do you suspect that your spouse could be committing financial infidelity?

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I am a licensed marriage and family therapist, marriage coach, course creator, retreat host, mother of 3, married for 23 years and host of the Empowered and Unapologetic podcast. 


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Have you ever suspected that your spouse could be committing financial infidelity? Has money often gone missing or you’ve noticed fewer pay cheques being deposited? Do you have access to your financial statements and passwords?

In today’s podcast episode, I am joined by Tracy Coenen to discuss all the red flags to look out for in your marriage should you suspect financial infidelity.

Meet Tracy Coenen

Tracy has been investigating fraud for more than 25 years, but she didn’t always want to be a forensic accountant. With a dream of one day being a prison warden, Tracy went to Marquette University in Milwaukee, WI to get a criminology degree. A class on financial crime investigations reminded her how much she loved Encyclopedia Brown books as a kid. She continued her criminology degree but added accounting and economics courses so she could sit for the CPA exam and here Tracy is, finding money in cases of corporate fraud, high net worth divorce, and CONNECT WITH TRACY other financial shenanigans.

Connect with Tracy on her website. Find her on Facebook, Instagram, and watch her on Youtube.

In This Podcast


  • “Luck favors the prepared”
  • Key red flags to be aware of
  • Financial infidelity and what to do about it
  • Fairness

“Luck favors the prepared”

If you’re married, even if you don’t even have divorce on your radar it doesn’t matter what state your marriage is in, it is about being informed about your finances. (Tracy Coenen)

In many cases of marriages today, it is still mostly the husband that takes care of the money.

Because of this, there are so many marriages where the wife does not know what is going on with the money, and they rely completely on their spouse for the truth.

There’s nothing to be ashamed of, it is very common, and you trust your spouse. You trust him to take care of the money and have your best interests at heart but the problem that creates is that he’s not accountable to anyone or you because you don’t know where that money is. (Tracy Coenen)

Even if your marriage is going well and you completely trust your spouse with money, you still need to know what is happening, how much money is coming in, going out, and where it is going. Be prepared and in the know because that will lend you power.

Key red flags to be aware of

  • If your spouse doesn’t want to share passwords for accounts with you: if your name is on the account, you have the right to be able to access it at any time. If you need to, call the bank to set up a separate login or reset the password.

If your name is on the account, you can walk into a bank branch with your identification and you can get copies of the account statements there as long as your name is on the account, you have legal access to it. (Tracy Coenen)

  • Look for charges that don’t make any sense: are there random hotel charges, or restaurant charges that your spouse would never usually go to?

Look at how many pay cheques were deposited into the bank. If the total number of cheques deposited is less than average, it’s possible that some of the money is being used elsewhere.

Financial Infidelity and what to do about it

Financial infidelity encompasses any lies that you tell your partner about the money available in your marriage. (Tracy Coenen)

These could be lies about:

  • How much a spouse actually earns
  • Where the spouse is spending money
  • Any secret spending
  • Spending outside of any agreements that you have with the partner
  • Hiding money

If you suspect – or know – that there is financial infidelity in your household with your spouse, you need to protect yourself.

Get and gather information as much information as you can as quietly as you can. Get copies of any original financial documents both in the house or online and keep them in a safe place. 

Even though you will eventually get all that kind of information if you go down the path of divorce, your attorney can get all those things with subpoenas, it’s so much easier if you have that information right up front. So, gather the statements, start to look through them, and see what you notice. (Tracy Coenen)


If your marriage is shifting and divorce is on the cards, you need to protect and arm yourself because, unfortunately, divorce can turn into a battleground.

This information will help to protect you, your finances, and your assets.

People don’t have to be accountants to do this I wanted to make a way for you to walk through the steps really easily and get at least some level of comfort of what’s been going on with the money. (Tracy Coenen)

Book mentioned:

Tracy Coenen – Find Me the Money: Take Control, Uncover the Truth, and Win the Money You Deserve in Your Divorce

Useful links:

Meet Veronica Cisneros

Veronica Cisneros | Empowered And Unapologetic Podcast

Hello, my name is Veronica Cisneros, I am a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Marriage Coach, Course Creator, Retreat Host, Mother of 3, married for 23 years, host of the Empowered and Unapologetic podcast, and owner of a group private practice called Outside The Norm Counseling.

A lot of couples struggle with setting aside intentional time to connect and communicate. They yearn for meaningful conversations that don’t lead to arguments.

1 month away from divorce, I realized I had to do something different. For years I had compromised myself to meet the needs of my husband and my child, I lost myself and was about to lose my marriage. After years of personal growth and self-reflection, I not only reclaimed my identity, and celebrated 23 years of marriage but also helped hundreds of couples transform their marriage from feeling like roommates to experiencing a deeper love.

I am on a mission to help couples reignite the fire by providing them with the skills to have the relationship they deserve.

Whether you listen to the podcast, join the free Facebook community, or do the Workshop,  you’re in the right place. Let’s do this together!

Thanks for listening!

Did you enjoy this podcast? Feel free to share this podcast on social media! You can also leave a review of the Empowered and Unapologetic Podcast on Apple Podcast {previously iTunes) and subscribe!

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I’m Veronica, your new Boss MOM Mentor with no filter and no BS. 

I'm a licensed marriage and family therapist, women’s coach, course creator, and retreat host. Married for OVER 20 years, raising three girls, and the host of the Empowered and Unapologetic podcast. 

Enough about me… 

My jam? Helping high-achieving women thrive both at home and in the hustle of work.

I've been there.

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