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How to Deal with an Emotionally Unavailable Husband | EU 874 min read

October 18, 2021

You’ve had a big argument and in the heat of the moment all these emotions come over you, you feel like he is being dismissive, you feel completely invalidated, you feel unheard, you feel unsupported, and sadly…you feel alone. Mama, do you sometimes feel that your partner is not hearing you? Are you wanting them […]

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How to Deal with an Emotionally Unavailable Husband
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I am a licensed marriage and family therapist, marriage coach, course creator, retreat host, mother of 3, married for 23 years and host of the Empowered and Unapologetic podcast. 

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You’ve had a big argument and in the heat of the moment all these emotions come over you, you feel like he is being dismissive, you feel completely invalidated, you feel unheard, you feel unsupported, and sadly…you feel alone.

Mama, do you sometimes feel that your partner is not hearing you? Are you wanting them to validate your experience and feelings? Have you ever stopped and thought about the story you built up in your head vs what is really going on?

In this podcast episode, we’re doing things differently. Willie and I are on the road on the way to Yosemite to celebrate our Anniversary. We had a conversation about how to deal with an emotionally unavailable husband, and I got Willie to give his insight on this topic too. Come along for the ride.

In This Podcast

Summary

  • Check your perception
  • Check your sentences
  • Talk to yourself

Check your perception

Is it really that he’s emotionally unavailable, or is it how I’m perceiving it? Am I perceiving it in a way that he’s dismissive of emotions because he’s not where I’m at? (Veronica Cisneros)

We build stories in our minds to make sense of what is happening around us. Those stories may paint the people that we love in a bad light if it is the only way that we feel that we can – at that moment – make sense of our surroundings.

It is important to remember that sometimes these stories are not facts, they are perceptions. Often, they are perceptions of people that we create when we feel stressed, scared, or hurt, which means that we may align them with the blame.

What are the stories about your husband that you build up in your head when you are arguing?

Check your sentences

When you are speaking to your partner about something, and you want to enlist their help or their energy, notice how you structure your sentences.

Swop:

  • Grab,
  • Pick,
  • Give me,

With:

  • Will you,
  • Can you,
  • Would you.

If you start your sentence off with things like that it’ll make things a lot easier as far as the way it’s received from us, and how we respond back … talking at us versus talking to us. (Willie Cisneros)

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Talk to yourself

In moments of acute stress and overwhelm you can validate your feelings. Even if they are not true, or could be further examined, at the moment that you feel anger or stress, validate it.

Notice that you are upset because much of the further frustration can come from feeling as if no one is validating your experience, but you can.

Give yourself validation that right at this moment you are unhappy so that you can take the necessary steps to examine that unhappiness and move forward.

Do not personalize your partner’s actions. Their actions reflect where they are at.

1 – identify the story in your head

2 – challenge the story

3 – practice self-validation

Useful links:

Meet Veronica Cisneros

Veronica Cisneros | Empowered And Unapologetic Podcast

Hello, my name is Veronica Cisneros, I am a licensed marriage and family therapist for over 7 years, a Group Private Practice owner, a Mother of 3, and married for 21 years. I help housewives transform their marriage, communicate effectively and build confidence. Like you, I also struggled with cutting through the communication barriers. I felt like there was no reason for my husband and I to feel unhappy because we had it all. We just felt disconnected and our conversations were filled with avoidance, kids’ hobbies, and schedules. 

I’ve helped plenty of couples in my private practice who struggled with similar issues. With my proven strategies and step-by-step skills, I’ve helped hundreds of women reignite their marriages. I am known for helping women step outside of their comfort zones, I don’t do bandaids, I only teach life-changing healing methods.

Whether you listen to the podcast, join the free Facebook communityjoin the VIP community, or attend our annual retreat,  you’re in the right place. Let’s do this together!

Thanks for listening!

Did you enjoy this podcast? Feel free to share this podcast on social media! You can also leave a review of the Empowered and Unapologetic Podcast on Apple Podcast {previously iTunes) and subscribe!

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I’m Veronica, your new Boss Woman Mentor with no filter and no BS. 

I'm a licensed marriage and family therapist, women’s coach, course creator, and retreat host. Married for 23 years, raising three kids, and I'm also the host of the Empowered and Unapologetic podcast. My jam? Helping high-achieving women thrive both at home and in the hustle of work. 

I've been there.

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Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Marriage Coach, Course Creator, Retreat Host, Mother of 3, Married for over 20 years.

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