I didn’t learn this from a textbook. I lived it.
Willie and I didn’t stand a chance.
We both came from dysfunction.
I was taught to shut down my emotions, keep my needs to myself, and make sure everyone else was okay first.
So when we met, it felt like love at first sight.
And we believed that would be enough.
It wasn’t.
We were one month away from divorce.
Not because we didn’t love each other.
Because we didn’t understand what it actually takes to build a relationship that works.
That’s when everything changed.
Not overnight.
Not easily.
But through real, uncomfortable work that forced us to look at ourselves, our patterns, and the way we were showing up.
20 years later, we’re still here.
Not because it’s perfect.
Because we learned how to do it differently.
At one point, I believed
if I just tried harder,
did more,
fixed more…
everything would work.
It didn’t.
Because no matter how capable I was, I couldn’t force change
in someone else.
I had to look at myself.
I had to learn how to stop over-functioning.
How to stop carrying everything.
How to receive instead of control.
The Realization
I work with high-performing women every day.
Women who are successful, driven, and capable.
They build businesses and lead teams and handle pressure.
And yet…
At home, they feel resentful.
Disconnected. Exhausted.
Not because they’re failing,
but because they’re carrying too much.
They’ve become the one who manages everything.
And no one ever told them
what that would cost.
What I See Now
An unstable relationship doesn’t stay contained.
It shows up everywhere.
In your energy.
In your decisions.
In your business.
You can’t compartmentalize disconnection.
And you can’t build real partnership by force.
The women I work with don’t need more advice.
They need clarity.
They need to understand the pattern they’re in
and how to shift it
without losing themselves.
What I Beleive
bad bunny, reggaeton or dance music
listening:
green enchiladas
CRAVING:
it didn't start with you
READING:
80 ounces of water
DRINKING:
gilmore girls with my daughters
watching:
Currently
My Favorite Things
My husband, my best friend, and my biggest cheerleader! Our adventures and makeout sessions.
my happy place!
My kids. I've learned so much from them. They are my greatest teachers.
A room filled with good music, family, dancing, and good food.
My Favorite Things
Sunshine. Wayfarers kickstarter semiotics, quinoa godard dreamcatcher hexagon pop-up hoodie.
Ice cream. Microdosing gochujang keffiyeh salvia. Hoodie knausgaard art party.
my guilty pleasure
Photos! Hashtag fashion axe palo santo fanny pack, ramps cornhole messenger bag asymmetrical.
“I want to personally thank Veronica for giving me the opportunity to grow and understand myself.”
THE REVIEWS
so they say:
My Work
My work is about helping high-achieving women take ownership of how they’re showing up in their relationships, without shame, blame, or judgment.
Not by becoming less powerful.
But by using their power differently.
I teach structured, practical frameworks that help women:
• Step out of over-functioning
• Release the mental load
• Set clear boundaries
• Rebuild respect and attraction
• Create a real partnership
This isn’t about fixing your partner.
It’s about changing the dynamic.
Credentials
Veronica Cisneros is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and the founder of Outside the Norm Counseling in Temecula, California.
She has spent over a decade working with couples and individuals, and previously ran a successful group practice for 10 years.
Her work now focuses on speaking, education, and helping high-performing women rethink how they show up in their relationships.
let's work together
I don’t believe you’re stuck.
I don’t believe your relationship is doomed.
But I do believe this:
If nothing changes, nothing changes.
And if you keep carrying everything…
you’ll keep feeling alone.
You didn’t fall out of love.
You took over.
ready for change?
Frequently Asked Questions
1. Who do you work with?
I work with high-performing women who are successful in their careers but feel disconnected, resentful, or exhausted in their relationships. Most of the women I work with are over-functioning in their marriage—carrying the mental load, managing everything, and wondering why they feel more like a leader than a partner.
2. Do you only work with couples?
No. Most of my work is with individual women who want to understand their role in the relationship dynamic and create change from there. When one person shifts how they show up, the entire relationship starts to shift.
3. Is this therapy?
No. This platform is educational and focused on patterns, behaviors, and relationship dynamics. While I am a licensed therapist, this work is designed to give you practical frameworks and tools you can apply in your real life, not clinical treatment.
4. Can my relationship actually improve if I’m the only one doing this work?
Yes. Relationships are systems. When one person changes how they show up, it naturally changes the dynamic. This isn’t about forcing your partner to change; it’s about shifting the pattern that’s keeping both of you stuck.
5. Why do high-achieving women struggle in relationships?
Because the traits that make you successful, being capable, responsible, and able to handle everything, can turn into over-functioning in a relationship. When you take on too much, it creates imbalance, which leads to resentment, loss of attraction, and disconnection over time.
6. What does “over-functioning in a marriage” actually look like?
It looks like carrying the mental load, managing the household, anticipating everything, and stepping in before your partner has the chance to. It often feels like being the one who “keeps everything together,” but over time, it turns partnership into responsibility.
7. What makes your approach different?
I don’t focus on surface-level communication tips. I focus on the underlying pattern, how over-functioning, control, and responsibility shift the dynamic of a relationship. My work is direct, structured, and focused on real-life application, not theory.
8. What if I’m not sure I want to stay in my marriage?
That’s more common than people admit. My work isn’t about telling you to stay or leave. It’s about helping you get out of resentment and exhaustion so you can make that decision from clarity and strength, not burnout.