Do you feel like you are often out in the position where you have to be “the bigger person” in arguments with your partner? What issues come up when your emotional response is left unchecked? Do you want to experience a sense of emotional freedom and not be constantly bound to feelings of anger?

In this podcast episode, I talk to you about how to manage your emotions with your husband so that you don’t feel alone and defeated. Grab your pen and paper for this episode.

Summary

• “Anger is a secondary emotion”
• Everything is connected
• Veronica’s advice

“Anger is a secondary emotion”

How does this impact your marriage? First off, you come across as explosive not only to your husband but also to your kids. (Veronica Cisneros)

When you have not yet taken the time to address your deeper emotions, events or arguments or situations can trigger you to explode, making you seem unreasonable when in actuality you’ve been bottling things up for a long time.

There might be so many emotions that come up for you in moments of tension, such as frustration, defeat, uncertainty, and even guilt.

However, what is the deeper root of these emotions? Where have they come from? Do you process events as they happen or bottle them up?

I want you to take it even further because anger is a secondary emotion. I want you to understand what you’re really experiencing, what you’re really feeling, how this is impacting you, and how this is impacting your ability to connect with your partner. (Veronica Cisneros)

Everything is connected

Your thoughts, your emotions, and your physiological response are all connected. The way that you were raised as a child in your household will impact how you act as an adult in your own household with your partner.

If you do not check the past, you will bring it with you into the present and through into the future.

You and your partner need to work through your approaches to conflict together because it’s highly likely that both of your approaches are not healthy.

You can do your part, but he also has to do his. It is not possible for one person to fix everything: it’s a team effort.

Veronica’s advice

First things first, follow these simple steps by asking yourself these questions:

1 – What are the emotions that are coming up for you?

• Resentment?
• Frustration?
• Overwhelmed?
• Defeated?

2 – What are the myths and beliefs that you are telling yourself about the situation? What are the repeated narratives that you tell yourself to make sense of the situation? What are you assuming?

I want you to go there for a minute and explore it. Write it down what are the emotions and then what are the beliefs, the thoughts? As you’re writing them down, I want you to start thinking about some of the assumptions that you are making. (Veronica Cisneros)

Think about what you are telling yourself about the situation.

3 – Think about what your body feels like or experiences in these moments. These could be:

• Tightness in the chest
• Lightheadedness
• Nausea
• A knot in the stomach
• Tightness in the shoulders
• An accelerated heart rate

4 – What are your urges and impulses telling you to do?

What do you feel like doing?

Let’s just say you did act on that urge and that impulse, does that bring you closer to your partner, or further away? (Veronica Cisneros)

By acting on those impulses, you might have won the argument, but your marriage lost. You need to remember what you want for yourself and your partner in the long run.

Do you want a lasting and loving relationship that’s able to withstand and get through tough times? Then you both need to work on yourselves.

5 – Is there another way?

Could you do the opposite of that urge? Is there another way that would work better to get you and your partner to connect and work together?

I want you to follow these steps but if you’re still like, “Shit … I need more”, well, hit me up, let’s work together! Let’s go ahead and help you and let’s take you to that next level so that you’re not stuck in this loop. (Veronica Cisneros)

Useful links:

• Join our FaceBook Page – Empowered and Unapologetic
• Take the Marriage Predictor quiz!
• Follow me on Instagram
• Check out the new website! https://veronicacisneros.org/
• Outside The Norm Counseling – 951 395 3288 call to schedule an appointment today!
• 5 Things that are Killing your Marriage Free Guide available at www.veronicacisneros.org

Meet Veronica Cisneros

Hello, my name is Veronica Cisneros, I am a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Marriage Coach, Course Creator, Retreat Host, Mother of 3, married for 23 years, host of the Empowered and Unapologetic podcast, and owner of a group private practice called Outside The Norm Counseling.

A lot of couples struggle with setting aside intentional time to connect and communicate. They yearn for meaningful conversations that don’t lead to arguments.

1 month away from divorce, I realized I had to do something different. For years I had compromised myself to meet the needs of my husband and my child, I lost myself and was about to lose my marriage. After years of personal growth and self-reflection, I not only reclaimed my identity, and celebrated 23 years of marriage but also helped hundreds of couples transform their marriage from feeling like roommates to experiencing a deeper love.

I am on a mission to help couples reignite the fire by providing them with the skills to have the relationship they deserve.

Whether you listen to the podcast, join the free Facebook community, or do the Workshop,  you’re in the right place. Let’s do this together!

Thanks for listening!

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