Can you learn to distinguish between what feels nearly impossible to do and what simply feels foreign and new to you? Are you actually enjoying your life? Who is in charge of your life?

Change starts with you, let’s get into it.

In this reverse podcast episode, I am joined by my friend, Melissa Vogel from Bomb Mom Podcast. Join us as we dive into some questions you have and common topics that come up. Grab a pen and paper, because you will definitely want to take notes along the way.

Summary

• What have you been conditioned to believe?
• Work to want, not to need
• What to do when your partner is emotionally flooded
• Are you withholding reality from your family?

What have you been conditioned to believe?

We take a great deal of pride in doing so many things for our kids. I want to say it’s part of us, it’s part of that learned behavior and it’s also a part of that generational trauma. (Veronica Cisneros)

Question things. Not everything that is how it is in life is supposed to be that way or is in its optimal space. People inherit trauma and poor habits and social behaviors from their parents.

So much of what we do is learned, and luckily, it can be unlearned.

However, first, you need to recognize it, isolate it, and change it. You need to find where you end and it begins, or how it influences you, and work in that space.

I want you guys to think about your kids and what you’re teaching your kids right now. (Veronica Cisneros)

You teach your kids better life skills when you embody self-love, self-confidence, self-discipline, and self-compassion. No matter what you tell your kids, they will learn from your actions.

Work to want, not to need

Of course, there will be times in life when you do need people for support and guidance and to have your back.

However, most of the time, you have to be there for yourself.

I want to be with you. I’m not with you because I need you, I don’t need you, just like you don’t need me, but I want to be with you. I want to enjoy you. (Veronica Cisneros)

When you are able to take care of yourself – for the majority of the time – then you can spend time with your partner because you want to, not because you need to.

Then you can experience an intimacy that is not fixed up with desperation. You can see and appreciate them for who they are, and they can do the same for you.

What to do when your partner is emotionally flooded

• Give them 20 minutes to calm down and gather their thoughts
• Check yourself as well to see how you are feeling before you re-enter the conversation with them

If you’re not in the space where you’re able to problem-solve then stay quiet, walk the hell out of the room, and get your emotions under control, make sure you’re able to regulate them so that you’re able to come back and have an honest conversation without allowing all of your emotions to get in the way. (Veronica Cisneros)

• Do not take it personally
• If you are getting defensive then you need to take a break

Are you withholding reality from your family?

As a mother, of course, your first instinct is to love, protect, and support your children and your partner.

I want you to be aware of how you protect your husband from your kids, and how you refuse to allow your kids to see the father he really is. (Veronica Cisneros)

However, are there unhealthy patterns or behaviors that need to change that you are hiding from your partner, or from your kids? Are you trying to control reality so that they do not experience pain?

It is much healthier, better, and more effective to seek professional help and therapy than for you to try to do it alone because it is not possible to do it alone, without harming yourself mentally and emotionally.

Useful links:

• Why am I not connecting with my Partner: Tips from a Marriage Therapist | EU 150
• Outside The Norm Counseling – Call (951) 395 3288
• FREE Guide Download – 5 Mistakes to Avoid for a Healthy Marriage
• Join The Empowered and Unapologetic Housewives Club
• Empowered and Unapologetic Instagram Page 

Meet Veronica Cisneros

Hello, my name is Veronica Cisneros, I am a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Marriage Coach, Course Creator, Retreat Host, Mother of 3, married for 23 years, host of the Empowered and Unapologetic podcast, and owner of a group private practice called Outside The Norm Counseling.

A lot of couples struggle with setting aside intentional time to connect and communicate. They yearn for meaningful conversations that don’t lead to arguments.

1 month away from divorce, I realized I had to do something different. For years I had compromised myself to meet the needs of my husband and my child, I lost myself and was about to lose my marriage. After years of personal growth and self-reflection, I not only reclaimed my identity, and celebrated 23 years of marriage but also helped hundreds of couples transform their marriage from feeling like roommates to experiencing a deeper love.

I am on a mission to help couples reignite the fire by providing them with the skills to have the relationship they deserve.

Whether you listen to the podcast, join the free Facebook community, or join our Workshop,  you’re in the right place. Let’s do this together!

Thanks for listening!

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