Mama, what triggers you? What really sets you off?  You know, when a small misunderstanding goes from bad to worse in a few seconds, you find yourself blowing up, and then you are made out to be the bad guy at the end of all of it. Do you find that your misunderstandings often lead to blow-ups?

I hear about this from moms all the time, there is this one little thing that just sets them off.  If you can relate you do not want to miss this episode.

In this podcast episode, I teach you how to transition from blaming to acknowledging a misunderstanding.

In This Podcast

Summary

• It is not intentional
• How to acknowledge a misunderstanding
• Repeat when needed

It is not intentional

Misunderstandings can brew from the fact that people sometimes have different priorities.

We see people through our perspective. Unless we consciously remind ourselves to be objective and try to see their perspective, them not doing what we think is right can feel like they are intentionally being malicious.

The biggest issue though was [that] I thought he was doing it intentionally. I thought he was doing it intentionally to make me look like the bad guy. I thought he wanted to look like the savior … all of that was wrong. (Veronica Cisneros)

How to acknowledge a misunderstanding

1 – Think of a stop sign

What you want to express about your emotions is fully valid, and necessary for you to do.

But when you are emotionally charged and ready for a fight, or even close to tears, now is not the time to say what you need to say. This is when you imagine your stop sign.

In the heat of the moment, you are not going to say anything that is going to be healthy, respectable, or even rational. It’s probably not even going to make sense, because you’re so mad. So step aside, imagine your stop sign, and ask yourself: “why are you ready to blow up? Do you need a time out before you’ll say anything that you’ll regret?” (Veronica Cisneros)

Acknowledge when your guard is up, because right there and then is not a good time to talk. Be honest with yourself, even when you feel compelled to speak your mind and express yourself, what is more likely is that you will express your anger instead of what you want to say behind the anger.

Give yourself time out and do not come back until you are ready to talk without hurtful words.

2 – Ask yourself: what do you know 100% to be true?

When you observe the situation and you feel your emotions rising, ask yourself what is 100% true and real in this situation, and do not only look at the parts that you want to direct your anger towards.

This works best after you have taken some time and space to collect your thoughts, have calmed your anger, and are ready to speak to your partner with sincerity and honesty about how this situation made you feel.

3 – Effectively communicate

Now, after you have taken space to collect your thoughts, you have observed the situation, and you can distinguish between what is real and what your anger was fighting, you can communicate that thought-process to your partner so that they can better understand you.

4 – Listen to your partner

After you have said your piece, you need to give that same privilege to your partner and listen to what they also have to say.

After you have communicated what is going on for you, what is happening internally, then … you are going to listen. You are going to stay quiet, you are not going to say anything at all, and you are going to listen to what he has to say, even if you don’t agree with it. (Veronica Cisneros)

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Repeat when needed

Whenever you feel your anger rising again, even if you have completed all these steps, you can repeat when needed and go back to step 1 if talking to your partner is triggering you again.

Remember to also let your partner take space when they need to from you to calm down if they are feeling emotionally charged. Giving each other that space is an act of kindness and awareness. Rather take space and collect your thoughts so that neither of you gets into the habit of being nasty with one another.

Useful links:

• My Husband is Avoidant and I’m Reactive. Am I the Villain or the Hero in My Marriage? | EU 80
• FREE Guide Download – 5 Mistakes to Avoid for a Healthy Marriage
• Sign up for the VIP membership
• Join Our Girl Gang
• Empowered And Unapologetic Free Course
• Empowered and Unapologetic Instagram Page 

Meet Veronica Cisneros

I’m a licensed therapist and women walk into my office every day stressed and disconnected. As a mom of three daughters, I want my girls to know who they are and feel confident about their future. I can’t think of a better way to help other women than by demonstrating an empowered and unapologetic life.

So I started  Empowered and Unapologetic to be a safe space for women to be vulnerable and change their lives for the better before she ever needs to see a therapist.

Whether you listen to the podcast, join the free Facebook community, join the VIP community, or attend our annual retreat,  you’re in the right place. Let’s do this together!

Thanks for listening!

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