Oh no, it’s Thanksgiving this week and you are already dreading the in-laws coming over. It feels like you are walking on eggshells to be the perfect host…Right?

Here you go again, compromising yourself to please everybody and you feel like what you have planned is not enough…that you are is not enough? Are you compromising yourself to meet everyone else’s needs and not showing up as your true self? Does it feel like you and your husband are on the same team and respect each other’s needs over the festive season, or do you feel as though he sides with his family?

I’ve got you Mama, I have been in this exact same situation before so I can totally relate. In this podcast episode, I give you some tips on how to survive Thanksgiving with your in-laws.

In This Podcast

Summary

• Check your insecurities
• Acceptance
• Personalizing
• Manage your expectations
• Be mindful of your emotions
• Respect your boundaries

Check your insecurities

When your in-laws are around, what insecurities of yours are being triggered by them?

Most of us don’t know how to be a mom and don’t know how to be a wife, so we try to go ahead and mold ourselves into what we think we need to be versus who we want to show up as. (Veronica Cisneros)

Ask yourself what insecurities you have about:

• Fulfilling the role of a wife?
• Being a mother?
• Being a woman?

Every person has insecurities, and in the places where we may feel uncomfortable or uncertain, those insecurities can be triggered.

Even if you feel confident and comfortable being a mother, wife, and expressing yourself as a woman, sometimes you may feel uncertain, and that is fine. The trick is knowing how you recenter yourself in those moments of uncertainty.

Acceptance

Sometimes, a tough truth to understand is that you cannot change people, no matter how hard you try.

The only thing you can do is be the best version of yourself; kind, brave, confident, and assertive, and make sure that you put your best foot forward.

This is where acceptance comes in, accepting them for who they are and who they are not … you trying to change them is only going to build up that wall of division and that wall is going to get stronger. Instead, I want you to respect their boundaries. (Veronica Cisneros)

It is not fair of you to place the idealized version of the life that you want on those around you. If someone is showing you what they want, believe them.

Accept their boundaries, which will show them that you respect them, which may motivate them to make their changes in the future, but those changes have to come from them.

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Personalizing

Are you personalizing something that is not yours? If they treat everybody like this, then it is not a personal attack on you. Even then, very little of what other people do is because of you. How people act is their responsibility, their choice, and a result of their experience.

Often people personalize things that other people do or say because it triggers their insecurities. Do not fall into this trap, and be aware of how things make you feel versus what is real and true in reality – without invalidating your emotions.

You may perceive something to be true because it triggers an insecurity you have from the past and so you are having an emotion related to that trigger, however in reality, this emotion has nothing to do with what is happening. Being self-aware means distinguishing between these two.

Manage your expectations

Have a conversation with your partner about what you each expect from the other and their in-laws so that you both have an idea about what is important to the other.

Here you are identifying what your expectations are, what his expectations are, and do they match? And if they don’t match, that’s okay! He’s a different person than you are, his needs are different than yours. They’re not going to line up 100%, do not criticize … whatever expectations he has, let them be, but how can you guys come together to establish some non-negotiables and boundaries? (Veronica Cisneros)

Even though your expectations will be different from your partner’s, you both need to come together and discuss some non-negotiables.

These non-negotiables are important because it shows you both that you are on the same team, supporting one another, and creating a mutualistic environment where you are both seen, heard, and respected.

Be mindful of your emotions

Use a resource such as an emotion wheel to validate your experience by giving your emotion a name and place.

If you feel triggered by your mother-in-law for example, and a feeling comes up, use this emotion-wheel to give a name to what you are feeling and validate yourself.

Respect your boundaries

Respecting a boundary is you enforcing it, even if there is a consequence … the relationship is lost if you do not respect the boundaries. (Veronica Cisneros)

Clearly communicate how you want to be treated and how you do not want to be treated. Back yourself up.

If someone does not respect your boundary, there needs to be a consequence that you enforce – without blowing the consequence up and using it as a threat.

Useful links:

• How To Challenge Your Inner Villain with Heather Monahan | EU 91
• Feelings Wheel
• FREE Guide Download – 5 Mistakes to Avoid for a Healthy Marriage
• Sign up for the VIP membership
• Join The Empowered and Unapologetic Housewives Club
• Empowered and Unapologetic Instagram Page 

Meet Veronica Cisneros

Hello, my name is Veronica Cisneros, I am a licensed marriage and family therapist for over 7 years, a Group Private Practice owner, a Mother of 3, and married for 21 years. I help housewives transform their marriage, communicate effectively and build confidence. Like you, I also struggled with cutting through the communication barriers. I felt like there was no reason for my husband and I to feel unhappy because we had it all. We just felt disconnected and our conversations were filled with avoidance, kids’ hobbies, and schedules. 

I’ve helped plenty of couples in my private practice who struggled with similar issues. With my proven strategies and step-by-step skills, I’ve helped hundreds of women reignite their marriages. I am known for helping women step outside of their comfort zones, I don’t do bandaids, I only teach life-changing healing methods.

Whether you listen to the podcast, join the free Facebook community, join the VIP community, or attend our annual retreat,  you’re in the right place. Let’s do this together!

Thanks for listening!

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