Mama, do you find it difficult knowing what you want, because you don’t know who you are? Amongst spinning all of the plates, the household chores, the kids, your marriage, you are so overwhelmed that you rarely make any time for yourself. This is when you notice your marriage needs work, you need work.
You know it’s time to take action, time to reclaim your identity but at what point in your marriage should you start working on yourself? Do you tell yourself “not to rock the boat” in your marriage even when you are struggling and need a change?
In this podcast episode, I have a conversation with one of my best friends, Melissa Vogel. We talk all about how to commit and start working on yourself as well as the first steps to committing to yourself.
Meet Melissa Vogel
Melissa Vogel is a fitness expert with 20+ years of experience, a business owner, a second-degree black belt in Taekwondo, a model, an actress, and an overall busy mom of three girls, that inspires both women and men on their own fitness journeys.
Melissa knows the journey, having lost 60+ pounds, is now the fittest she has ever been in her life and continues to grow in her mindset and health! She is the creator and owner of the online moms-only coaching group, Busy To Bomb Fit Mom, where she helps busy moms get back to being fit, through mindset work, vision, and balance, combined with proper nutrition and exercise.
She’s also the host of the Bomb Mom Podcast. She entertains many different speakers over several topics in order to broaden listener’s ideals of what health really is and to inspire listeners to find new avenues to set, reach, and maintain their goals. Melissa is not afraid to speak on topics others may find taboo or embarrassing in order to empower others to #getthehealthup!
In This Podcast
- Start with working on yourself
- Sometimes you need to rock the boat
- Melissa’s 3 steps to pursue your goals
Start with working on yourself
We waited, and I just kept putting band-aids on it or ignoring things … and I didn’t see that I was losing my identity the more kids I had and the busier I got. Had I been able to go back … I have to wonder when that second baby came around [that] I was just [saying] “okay, the first one is getting a bit older, I need more love and attention, it’s time to have another baby!” That’s hard shit to admit to. (Melissa Vogel)
Start working on yourself and becoming accustomed to who you are and caring for your own needs at the start of your marriage, or even before.
Learn how to care for yourself and meet your own needs because if you do not, you may fall into bad habits of putting temporary fixes on your pain by having more children, or suppressing problems, until one day it bursts.
Do not wait, and do not expect your partner or your children to fulfill your needs. Meet yourself and your own needs, teach your family how to do that, and then love one another with respect and not with desperation.
That would have been the perfect time to start doing the work, right after I became a mom. Not only for me but for our marriage because if I [had] found myself then and would have kept that going, I would have been able to communicate that to him … we would have grown together instead of apart. (Melissa Vogel)
Sometimes you need to rock the boat
Do you avoid “rocking the boat” because of what people might think? Or because you think it is ungrateful, or selfish? Do you avoid asking tough questions because of shame?
You need to rock the boat when the feeling arises. Do not keep yourself stuck in a painful situation or unhappy marriage because you feel too afraid to move.
Love and respect yourself enough to make waves if you are feeling stagnant, and rock the boat, so that you can find the place where you feel the happiest and most welcome, both in yourself and in your marriage.
Melissa’s 3 steps to pursue your goals
1 – Be active: planning time for your activity is not always centered around weight loss.
Be active because in mom life and in mom world that takes a lot of planning … when I say be active and set [that time] aside … it’s going to teach you how to put yourself first. (Melissa Vogel)
Committing to being active every day or a few times every week is a commitment to yourself. It is a small way for you to show yourself that you are worth showing up for.
2 – You must get good at having crucial conversations: if you need help making your activity happen, you have to speak up and have that conversation with yourself and with supportive others.
3 – Journal: write your experiences, desires, struggles, and dreams all down.
- It creates space for you
- You get to let your mind run free without judgment
- It gives you the chance to reflect on the stages of life you have moved through and notice how much you have progressed
- Why Your Needs Aren’t Being Met By Your Husband with Nancy Pickard | EU 88
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Meet Veronica Cisneros
I’m a licensed therapist and women walk into my office every day stressed and disconnected. As a mom of three daughters, I want my girls to know who they are and feel confident about their future. I can’t think of a better way to help other women than by demonstrating an empowered and unapologetic life.
So I started Empowered and Unapologetic to be a safe space for women to be vulnerable and change their lives for the better before she ever needs to see a therapist.
Thanks for listening!
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