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Ever feel like the holidays turn into a pressure cooker of stress, chaos, and unmet expectations? You’re not alone—but what if I told you joy isn’t something you need to find, it’s something you need to recognize?
In this episode, Dr. Shahana Alibhai shares the surprisingly simple tools to help us ditch the holiday overwhelm and stretch the joy already hidden in plain sight. Dr. Alibhai, a TEDx speaker, family physician, and bestselling author of Feel Better, shared her wisdom on navigating emotions, sidestepping holiday traps, and embracing joy in the chaos.
“We do not suffer from a lack of joy, simply a lack of recognizing it,” she said, hitting the nail on the head. Together, we explored how to create authentic happiness amid the holiday hustle. Let’s dive into the key takeaways from this insightful episode!
Summary
- We often misinterpret our emotions, labeling them as good or bad.
- Recognizing joy requires intentionality and mindfulness.
- Joy stretching helps elongate moments of happiness.
- Productivity should not replace our pursuit of joy.
- Modeling emotional awareness for children is crucial.
- Rupture and repair in relationships is essential for emotional growth.
- Gratitude can shift your perspective during challenging times.
- Emotional awareness is a skill that can be developed over time.
The Truth About Emotions—No “Good” or “Bad”
Dr. Alibhai opened with a game-changer: stop labeling emotions as “good” or “bad.” Instead, think of them as “comfortable” or “uncomfortable.” This simple shift helps us embrace all emotions as part of the human experience.
“We’ve become chronically good at feeling one emotion,” Dr. Alibhai explained, likening it to lying in a well-worn emotional bed. “It’s uncomfortable, but it’s familiar.”
She urged listeners to explore the full spectrum of emotions, treating them as a compass that points us toward our needs.
I couldn’t agree more. In my own therapy sessions, I use tools like an emotion wheel to help patients pinpoint what they’re truly feeling. For example, anger often masks deeper emotions like disappointment or envy. Naming these feelings allows us to address them instead of burying them under a to-do list or a glass of wine.
“If you only feel one emotion at a time, you’re missing out on the full view.” —Dr. Shahana Alibhai
Joy Stretching—Recognizing What’s Already There
The holidays are notorious for turning joy into a to-do list item. Bake cookies? Check. Wrap presents? Check. Feel happy? Wait, what? Dr. Alibhai introduced a concept she calls “joy stretching,” where we intentionally elongate fleeting moments of happiness.
“Think of your kids stretching gum or Silly Putty as far as it’ll go,” she said. “Joy works the same way. You can stretch those little moments—like hugging your kids after they’ve washed their hair—by tuning into your senses.”
It’s not about waiting for the perfect Instagram-worthy moment (spoiler alert: it never comes). Instead, we should spotlight the overlooked joys already surrounding us. For me, this could mean pausing to laugh with my teens or savoring a hot cup of coffee before the chaos begins.
“We don’t lack joy—we lack recognizing it.” —Dr. Shahana Alibhai
From Survival to Intention—Practical Steps for the Holidays
The holidays can feel like a marathon of unmet expectations, but Dr. Alibhai offered a fresh perspective. First, she encouraged us to anticipate potential stressors (hello, nosy relatives) and reframe how we react to them.
“Picture those triggers like a Choose Your Own Adventure book,” she said. “You can’t control the uncle who never shuts up, but you can rewrite your emotional narrative.”
She also shared a powerful practice called the “gratitude flood.” While driving from traffic light to traffic light, list everything you’re grateful for, from the roof over your head to your kid’s messy smile. This shifts focus from what’s missing to what’s present, making joy more accessible.
For working moms juggling careers and family, Dr. Alibhai recommended the “three S’s”:
- Sensation: Identify physical feelings (e.g., tight chest, racing heart).
- Story: Challenge the narratives you tell yourself (“I’m failing”).
- Significance: Understand why something bothers you (e.g., lateness triggers past experiences of disrespect).
“Productivity has become our new caffeine.” —Dr. Shahana Alibhai
Final Thoughts
This conversation with Dr. Alibhai was a masterclass in emotional awareness and intentional living. Her reminder to “look for the golden egg of joy” resonated deeply with me. The holidays don’t have to be about perfection; they can be about presence.
So this season, let’s ditch the pursuit of Pinterest-worthy moments and instead “joy stretch” the ones we already have. Hug your kids, laugh at the chaos, and breathe in the scent of freshly baked cookies (or store-bought ones—no judgment here).
“This is it. It doesn’t get better than this.” —Dr. Shahana Alibhai
For more wisdom from Dr. Alibhai, check out her book Feel Better or visit her at DrShahana.com. Let’s make this holiday season one to truly celebrate!Until next time, keep showing up for yourself and your relationships. You’ve got this.
Talk to a Therapist
If you’re ready to dive deeper into your relationship dynamics or tackle the challenges of balancing it all, the therapists at Outside the Norm Counseling are here to help. Visit outsidethenormcounseling.com/contact to take the first step toward a stronger, more connected partnership.
Meet Kay Lee Fukui
Dr. Shahana Alibhai is a professional speaker, family physician and mental health expert.
She has worked with a multitude of organizations, including the University of British Columbia, Scotiabank and Remax to help the audience gain more clarity into their mental health.
As a lead physician at one of British Columbia’s largest youth health centres, much of Dr. Shahana’s career is focused on those struggling with their mental health. Her insights are highly sought after and she’s been featured in multiple major media, including CTV and Global. She is best known for her “Emotional Literacy for Better Mental Health” TEDx talk.
Dr. Shahana is a master at blending her personal story of postpartum anxiety and the resulting shame, denial and mental health challenges with her professional background in cognitive behavioural therapy and mindfulness meditation.
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