When It’s Time for a Divorce Attorney: How to Find the Right One with Amanda Hill | EU 200 7 min read

December 18, 2023

What is the point where you should decide to move on?

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I am a licensed marriage and family therapist, marriage coach, course creator, retreat host, mother of 3, married for 23 years and host of the Empowered and Unapologetic podcast. 


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When should you contact a divorce attorney? What are the red flags you should be aware of when you’re shopping around for legal advice and assistance? What is the point where you should decide to move on?

In this podcast episode, I am excited to have Amanda Hill as a guest. Amanda shares how she got started in law and we discuss when it’s time for a divorce attorney and how to find the right one.

Meet Amanda Hill

Amanda has successfully litigated high asset dissolution matters, as well as high conflict custody trials. Amanda has also worked with dozens of military clients in litigating complicated issues unique to military families, like deployments and the military retirement division. Amanda also enjoys facilitating settlement negotiations to avoid costly trials.

Connect with Amanda on her website. Follow her on Instagram.

Download your FREE ebook from their website here.


  • When to let go and when to keep trying
  • Deciding to move on
  • How to find the right divorce attorney
  • Red flags to be aware of in attorneys

When to let go and when to keep trying

Sometimes relationships do come to a close. Sometimes trying to keep it going causes more damage than what has already been done. It can be a tough call, but it can happen to some couples who are both no longer willing to make it work.

Sometimes couples therapists may ask:

  • Can you imagine your partner being with someone else?
  • Are the arguments chronic and bad?
  • Have you emotionally checked out from this relationship?

However, some issues can still be worked through if both people are ready and willing to be a part of that change. You need to be honest with yourself about what you are willing to do and when you need to throw in the towel.

Maybe you give yourself a time frame to figure those things out, to gather those tools. Maybe let’s say, in six months, if you feel like; “Nope, things haven’t changed, I can only change myself, I can’t change him and it’s not working out and he’s not willing to make the changes or put in the effort,” then at least you can say you did everything you could. (Amanda Hill)

Deciding to move on

If you have decided that you’re done with the relationship and that it has completed its course, then there’s the whole divorce process to deal with.

Amanda advises to be prepared for the long haul because, in places like California, you cannot get divorced within six months.

I think it’s important to keep that in mind before starting the process, before thinking that since now that you’re prepared to start the process it’s going to happen right away. (Amanda Hill)

This is regarding typical divorce routines that have the standard issues like children and a house to be aware of. Of course, if there is domestic violence or something worse at play, there’s a different system and timeline to follow.

How to find the right divorce attorney

What are your goals? Do you want to take all you can get from your ex, or do you want to settle halfway?

Whatever your goals are, they will help inform you of your choice in which attorney to work with, and whether you want someone more aggressive or someone more moderate.

What do you want? What’s your mission? Do you want to get his ass back in Vendetta mode – first stop, go to therapy! I love how you put that back on clients because there’s this empowering component to it. (Veronica Cisneros)

What you want the outcome to look like will make it clear to you in which type of attorney to hire.  When you’ve picked someone that you think is a good fit for you and what you want, ask them:

  • How long would it take for your firm to file the divorce and get it processed with the court?
  • What is your process like to contact and get him served?
  • What is the availability of your firm like for clients in terms of returning phone calls and emails?
  • How long does it take for you to get back to clients?

The amount of communication and contact you’re gonna get from that particular attorney, you need to ask that, right from the get-go when you have that first conversation. (Amanda Hill)

Red flags to be aware of in attorneys

1 – If they promise you the world: if an attorney promises you that they can get all your needs met without even fully understanding what you need or want

They’re going; “Don’t worry, I’m gonna make sure you keep all the assets”, or, “Don’t worry, you’ll keep this house.” If they make big promises right on that first call, red flag. They don’t know enough about you to make those promises, they’re just trying to get you to sign on! (Amanda Hill)

2 – Interrupting you: if they constantly interrupt you and don’t give you a chance to fully say your bit, then they’re not listening to you or trying to understand your needs.

If they don’t give you a few minutes of their time on that first call to listen to you, they probably won’t even later

3 – Negotiating you for the retainer: if you cannot afford their hours and they try to negotiate with you, that could be a red flag in that they feel that they are not worth their time.

An attorney who is confident in their good work and their value won’t feel the need to bash or bring down their pay

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Meet Veronica Cisneros

Veronica Cisneros | Empowered And Unapologetic Podcast

Hello, my name is Veronica Cisneros, I am a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Marriage Coach, Course Creator, Retreat Host, Mother of 3, married for 23 years, host of the Empowered and Unapologetic podcast, and owner of a group private practice called Outside The Norm Counseling.

A lot of couples struggle with setting aside intentional time to connect and communicate. They yearn for meaningful conversations that don’t lead to arguments.

1 month away from divorce, I realized I had to do something different. For years I had compromised myself to meet the needs of my husband and my child, I lost myself and was about to lose my marriage. After years of personal growth and self-reflection, I not only reclaimed my identity, and celebrated 23 years of marriage but also helped hundreds of couples transform their marriage from feeling like roommates to experiencing a deeper love.

I am on a mission to help couples reignite the fire by providing them with the skills to have the relationship they deserve.

Whether you listen to the podcast, join the free Facebook community, or do the Workshop,  you’re in the right place. Let’s do this together!

Thanks for listening!

Did you enjoy this podcast? Feel free to share this podcast on social media! You can also leave a review of the Empowered and Unapologetic Podcast on Apple Podcast {previously iTunes) and subscribe!

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I’m Veronica, your new Boss MOM Mentor with no filter and no BS. 

I'm a licensed marriage and family therapist, women’s coach, course creator, and retreat host. Married for OVER 20 years, raising three girls, and the host of the Empowered and Unapologetic podcast. 

Enough about me… 

My jam? Helping high-achieving women thrive both at home and in the hustle of work.

I've been there.

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