Do you and your partner both work while managing a home with kids? How do you both balance work and life as well as working on your marriage? What are the common issues working parents face and how can they overcome them together?

In this podcast episode, I am joined by my Husband, Willie. We discuss working mom vs working dad and navigating the challenges and joys of being working parents

Summary

• Trying to balance the personal and professional
• The Gottman technique of “turning toward”
• Avoid guilt trips
• Battle societal stereotypes
• Communication through chaos
• Limit intimacy intruders

Trying to balance the personal and professional

I don’t think there is really a balance between personal and professional life. There’s work, and then I get off, and then I continue to work because it’s doing whatever’s needed, whatever needs to be done with our kids’ lives. (Willie Cisneros)

Work is work, whether it is done in the office or at home with the kids.

Sometimes it feels like you just need to move from one thing to the next, and sometimes it feels like you can focus on work and then focus on the family, and compartmentalize things.

However, when you do this, you can set yourself up for greater expectations, and if you fall short, it’s often the case that you become very hard on yourself.

There are times when it feels like I’m failing and that I struggle to maintain both my professional status as well as my personal status of being a mom and a wife, it is hard. It is so hard. (Veronica Cisneros)

The Gottman technique of “turning toward”

This is where we ensure that partners acknowledge each other’s struggle and actively work toward creating a balanced routine. (Veronica Cisneros)

When both partners get busy with trying to balance their professional and personal lives, they can quickly become resentful toward one another because they are working individually, instead of together.

With the Gottman technique of “turning toward” your partner, you create a co-space where you both get your professional needs met and see to the family obligations by respecting one another’s commitments and needs.

Avoid guilt trips

Keeping score and bringing up your partner’s shortcomings or failures whenever there is conflict or frustration can very quickly turn into toxicity within the relationship.

Sure, there will be times when you have a conflict or let one another down accidentally, but that needs to be resolved, communicated, and let go.
If you are continuously holding onto something your partner did or didn’t do and using it as ammunition against them, a huge divide will very quickly begin to form between the two of you.

Emphasize on the importance of having a positive perspective, maintaining a positive outlook, and appreciating each other’s efforts rather than focusing on each other’s shortcomings. (Veronica Cisneros)

Battle societal stereotypes

Overcoming societal stereotypes and doing what works for you and your partner can be a huge challenge, but it is a necessary one to overcome. If you both discuss and decide upon how you will split the work and support one another, great.

But if you fall into what you think the other is assuming or expecting of you, that can quickly turn into resentment.

Do what’s called “create shared meaning”. We ensured that both of us created our own family values and roles independent of societal roles. We had to create something that not only worked for just the two of us, but also for our kids. (Veronica Cisneros)

Communication through chaos

Miscommunication or a lack of communication about parenting styles or responsibilities can quickly lead to chaos.

The anecdote for miscommunication chaos is to focus on conflict resolution skills where you work together to ensure that disagreements are handled effectively yet compassionately, and communication is clear.

This can be tough, really tough, but it is important to do.

Veronica’s tip: learn how to differentiate between perpetual arguments versus solvable disagreements. 

Limit intimacy intruders

Finding time for romance and maintaining intimacy while managing parenting duties can be tough. (Willie Cisneros)

Finding time for intimacy can be a big issue for working parents, and one of the primary reasons why is because, typically, for men intimacy can be a stress-reliever, whereas for women, they prefer the emotional connection.

When both partners have different stress relievers, it can be tricky to organize them together, especially when you know that you want to spend time together.

Knowing that each of us had chaotic days. One of us may have had a worse day than the other and to me, it’s about showing that compassion and just expressing that love, that gratitude, appreciation for what they’ve done … And acknowledging that. (Willie Cisneros)

These subtle things can bring a huge amount of safety and comfort for each partner, which can later lead to romance if both partners are interested.

Useful links:

• Join our FaceBook Page – Empowered and Unapologetic
• Take the Marriage Predictor quiz!
• Follow me on Instagram
• Check out the new website! https://veronicacisneros.org/
• Outside The Norm Counseling – 951 395 3288 call to schedule an appointment today!
• 5 Things that are Killing your Marriage Free Guide available at www.veronicacisneros.org

Meet Veronica Cisneros

Hello, my name is Veronica Cisneros, I am a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Marriage Coach, Course Creator, Retreat Host, Mother of 3, married for 23 years, host of the Empowered and Unapologetic podcast, and owner of a group private practice called Outside The Norm Counseling.

A lot of couples struggle with setting aside intentional time to connect and communicate. They yearn for meaningful conversations that don’t lead to arguments.

1 month away from divorce, I realized I had to do something different. For years I had compromised myself to meet the needs of my husband and my child, I lost myself and was about to lose my marriage. After years of personal growth and self-reflection, I not only reclaimed my identity, and celebrated 23 years of marriage but also helped hundreds of couples transform their marriage from feeling like roommates to experiencing a deeper love.

I am on a mission to help couples reignite the fire by providing them with the skills to have the relationship they deserve.

Whether you listen to the podcast, join the free Facebook community, or do the Workshop,  you’re in the right place. Let’s do this together!

Thanks for listening!

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