What will it take for you to stop believing the lies about what motherhood ‘should’ look like? Do you find yourself inadvertently defensive over the chaos? Why does giving kindness to yourself help you to give kindness to others?

In this podcast episode, I talk to Andee Martineau about how to stop yelling and communicate effectively.

Meet Andee Martineau

Andee is a mom of 6, a reformed yeller, a bestselling author, and the creator of Connect Method Parenting: a breakthrough parenting framework that leverages connection as the primary mechanism for influencing children. Her approach helps parents discover why their kids don’t listen and shows them the step-by-step process of regaining influence and building relationships that will last a lifetime.

With hands-on experience raising her own children (ages 14-23) and over 10 years of experience in parenting coaching, Andee has helped over 10,000 parents learn the parenting methodology that gets their kids to WANT to listen.

Connect with Andee on her website. Find her on Instagram, and sign up for her workshop here.

Summary

• What will it take for you to stop believing the lies about motherhood?
• Show yourself kindness
• How to stop yelling and communicate effectively

What will it take for you to stop believing the lies about motherhood?

An overnight change is almost impossible, but there is usually a moment for most mothers and parents when they realize that the standard protocols are not doable, possible, or even healthy.

There is a moment when you realize that something has to change, and you strive to make it happen.

It goes back to being honest, being kind to ourselves, and learning to be accepting of our humanity. We have to start there! (Andee Martineau)

Why is it difficult to celebrate?

A lot of high-achieving women who are mothers are incredibly hard on themselves, and don’t give themselves much kindness in the face of challenges or when there is something new to do or learn.

I think we don’t know that that’s actually a secret weapon; the more kind we are to ourselves, the more we can learn, because we allow our nervous system to actually relax so our higher brain functioning can come on and we can problem-solve. (Andee Martineau)

When you are kind and compassionate to yourself, you do not expect yourself to run at full pace for most of the day without a second to breathe.

When you learn to be kind to yourself, give yourself a hand, and let yourself make mistakes without berating yourself like a failure, you can extend that same grace to those around you.

That was one of the first steps for me, was to learn to have a sense of humor, to go with the flow, and to be curious instead of critical with myself, and when we can be that way with ourselves then we can start to be that way with our kids. (Andee Martineau)

Coming to terms with the hard point

1 – Establish a working communication system with your child: when you need to communicate with your kid, take a moment – a minute even – to just figure out where they are at. Are they frustrated, avoidant, spaced out, sad, or responsive?

Before you tell them what you need them to do, take a minute to connect with them on their level, otherwise, that bulldozing method will close them off to you.

Ask yourself: Am I in a place with them where we’re actually in sync? And if not, let me figure that out first before I give them this direction or before I say what I need to say. (Andee Martineau)

2 – Do you respect the way that you are showing up as a parent in this situation?

If you were on the receiving end, what would you think about the person who is coming in and speaking to you without reading the room first?

3 – Let your kids feel safe and want to choose you: just because you are their parent does not entitle you to the “right” of being the parent.

Your kids need to feel safe and seen by you to choose you when they look for someone to speak with about what they are going through.

Our kids have to choose us. A lot of times we think, “Oh, I have this role as a parent, so I have the right to parent”. No, you do not get the right to parent just because you have the role of a parent. You get the right to parent because you have developed a relationship and they have chosen to give you the right to parent. (Andee Martineau)

Books mentioned:

Andee Martineau – Connect Method Parenting: How to Get Your Kids to WANT to Listen to You Without the Yelling, Ultimatums, and Bribes

Useful links:

• Join our FaceBook Page – Empowered and Unapologetic
• Take the Marriage Predictor quiz!
• Follow me on Instagram
• Check out the new website! https://veronicacisneros.org/
• Outside The Norm Counseling – 951 395 3288 Call to schedule an appointment today!
• 5 Things that are Killing Your Marriage Free Guide available at www.veronicacisneros.org
• Website: https://connectmethodparenting.com/hello-world-2/
• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/andeem7/?hl=en
• Workshop: https://connectmethodparenting.com/workshop/

Meet Veronica Cisneros

Hello, my name is Veronica Cisneros, I am a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Marriage Coach, Course Creator, Retreat Host, Mother of 3, married for 23 years, host of the Empowered and Unapologetic podcast, and owner of a group private practice called Outside The Norm Counseling.

A lot of couples struggle with setting aside intentional time to connect and communicate. They yearn for meaningful conversations that don’t lead to arguments.

1 month away from divorce, I realized I had to do something different. For years I had compromised myself to meet the needs of my husband and my child, I lost myself and was about to lose my marriage. After years of personal growth and self-reflection, I not only reclaimed my identity, and celebrated 23 years of marriage but also helped hundreds of couples transform their marriage from feeling like roommates to experiencing a deeper love.

I am on a mission to help couples reignite the fire by providing them with the skills to have the relationship they deserve.

Whether you listen to the podcast, join the free Facebook community, or do the Workshop,  you’re in the right place. Let’s do this together!

Thanks for listening!

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