Are you attempting to get back into work after being a stay-at-home mom for a long time? Do you and your partner work as a team? When last did you go on a trip with your friends, and invest again in your life?

In this podcast episode, I talk to comedian, Alyce Chan about how to drop the mom’s guilt, shake free from society, and how to work as a team with your partner.

Meet Alyce Chan

Alyce Chan is a writer, producer and stand-up comedian who performs across North America.

She has performed at the New York Comedy Festival at Caroline’s on Broadway, Broadway Comedy Club, Soul Joel’s, and more. She has garnered over 10 million views on social media and is regularly seen on Scary Mommy.

Her dry sense of humor and honest views on parenting with an authentic approach makes her one of the most relatable comedians in the parent stratosphere.

Alyce founded one of the biggest parenting platforms, MOMCOMNYC, which Vogue named among the top 6 funniest parenting Instagram accounts. When she’s not sipping hot coffee, she is probably chasing after her kids slugging cold coffee that was once warm.

Connect with Alyce on her website. Find her on Instagram, and find her on TikTok.

Summary

• Shaking free from society’s expectations
• Let your partner help you
• Try to take a trip!
• Chase opportunities

Shaking free from society’s expectations

Many mothers, from the moment they become pregnant and many years into their motherhood journey often have to intentionally and consciously try to shake themselves free from the ridiculous and often impossible standards that society places upon them.

I was very ragey and I didn’t know what it was, but I know what it was now. I focused too much on trying to be the perfect mom. I saw a lot of what society is expecting from you, you know, you hear things … I felt like everything I did I could’ve done better. (Alyce Chan)

Due to these unrealistic expectations, Alyce often felt guilt at having “failed” to be a great mom even though at that point she didn’t realize that the bar is impossible to reach.

Throughout the establishment of her career and as Alyce felt more settled in her role of being a mother and a comedian, she began to make it her own.

Let your partner help you

As soon as I felt like, “You know what, he can do it on his own, he can figure it out, and I gotta let that go”. (Alyce Chan)

A crucial part of undoing and freeing yourself from the barriers of social pressures on what a mother is “supposed to do” includes inviting and letting your partner help you with running the house, caring for the kids, and contributing to the family.

He can figure it out, he’s also a parent. Your partner is there, that’s why you guys are called partners: you don’t have to do everything and he doesn’t have to do the things that you do the same way. He can do things on his own, his way, and you don’t have to criticize it. (Alyce Chan)

You and your partner are a team, and you should work that way too.

It doesn’t matter how you divide responsibilities or what it looks like, because it will vary from couple to couple, but it’s important that you are a team, support, respect, and work with one another in building a loving, functional, and respectful household.

Try to take a trip!

Additionally, one of the best ways to build and test a system that works with your partner is for you to take a trip away with friends!

Set up a system with your partner, be away from the home, and let it unfold, because it’s also his job to parent and run the house and you have to be able to trust him as well.

Not only will a trip stress test and strengthen your marriage, but it will also give you the time to rest and reconnect with yourself, and your friends.

It’s okay to be greedy, it’s okay to be picky because it’s ultimately your time away from your kids for yourself so that time is priceless! (Veronica Cisneros)

Chase opportunities

Working mothers often have to say “no” to opportunities and events when their kids are babies, especially when they are the sole or main caregivers.

So, once the kids are grown, and they can handle being without mom for some time, those working mothers have to gear up again and get back into the game. It can be difficult, feel awkward, and take some time, but it is possible – more than!

This is the year where I’m like, “That makes sense. If I see the value in it, if I see the value for me or my brand I’m going to say ‘yes’ to it”. (Alyce Chan)

The mom guilt might still sometimes be there, but it does get easier. Choosing yourself after caring for someone else can feel selfish, but it is not. You and your future and personal life deserve attention, focus, and invested energy too. If not now, then when?

Useful links:

• Join our FaceBook Page – Empowered and Unapologetic
• Take the Marriage Predictor quiz!
• Follow me on Instagram
• Check out the new website! https://veronicacisneros.org/
• Outside The Norm Counseling – 951 395 3288 Call to schedule an appointment today!
• 5 Things that are Killing Your Marriage Free Guide available at www.veronicacisneros.org
• Alyce’s Website: https://momcom.co/
• Alyce’s Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/momcomnyc/?hl=en
• Alyce’s LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/alyce-chan-33a18016/
• Alyce’s Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/alycechancomedian/
• Alyce’s TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@momcomnyc?lang=en&utm_source=hoobe&utm_medium=social
• Links: https://hoo.be/momcomnyc

Meet Veronica Cisneros

Hello, my name is Veronica Cisneros, I am a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Marriage Coach, Course Creator, Retreat Host, Mother of 3, married for 23 years, host of the Empowered and Unapologetic podcast, and owner of a group private practice called Outside The Norm Counseling.

A lot of couples struggle with setting aside intentional time to connect and communicate. They yearn for meaningful conversations that don’t lead to arguments.

1 month away from divorce, I realized I had to do something different. For years I had compromised myself to meet the needs of my husband and my child, I lost myself and was about to lose my marriage. After years of personal growth and self-reflection, I not only reclaimed my identity, and celebrated 23 years of marriage but also helped hundreds of couples transform their marriage from feeling like roommates to experiencing a deeper love.

I am on a mission to help couples reignite the fire by providing them with the skills to have the relationship they deserve.

Whether you listen to the podcast, join the free Facebook community, or do the Workshop,  you’re in the right place. Let’s do this together!

Thanks for listening!

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