Are you and your husband clashing over different parenting styles? Do you sometimes feel undermined or unheard when it comes to resolving issues with your kids? How can you and your partner reconnect and get back on the same page to be a team?

In this podcast episode, I share personal stories with you, as Willie and I were once there. I share how we made it work, along with some amazing tips. Grab your pen and paper, this is an episode you want to take notes on.

Summary

• The parenting tug-of-war
• How we made it work
• Veronica’s parenting tips

The parenting tug-of-war

Do you guys ever feel like that? Do you guys ever feel like there’s this constant tug-of-war between you and your partner where you’re parenting your kids one way and he’s parenting them the other way and it feels as if it doesn’t make sense? (Veronica Cisneros)

Do you and your partner often clash over different parenting styles?

Have you ever felt that your efforts were undermined because your partner chose to address a situation in a completely different way from the way that you did?

This is a common problem that many couples often face when they have children because they realize that they never fully discussed how they would be a team in solving or addressing the situations that would arise with raising kids.

How we made it work

In the beginning, Willie and I made many mistakes. We clashed and fought and made it worse before we realized that it could genuinely be improved.

How would I know? I wasn’t a therapist back then, and I lacked so many skills. We made it work by learning skills. (Veronica Cisneros)

Through my journey of becoming a therapist and learning these techniques to help my clients in their marriages, I decided to also try them out on my own marriage with Willie, and they worked.

If you are not a therapist yourself and you would appreciate some guidance and support in improving the relationship that you have with your partner, I highly suggest seeking out a professional, skilled therapist in your area who can guide you.

Veronica’s parenting tips

As parents, we do the best that we can with good intentions. Although there might be regrets, it’s so important that we’re on the same page. It’s important to acknowledge that we both might be struggling with our own insecurities about this process, right? (Veronica Cisneros)

1 – Think about your house rules when you were a child:

• What were the rules that your parents set for you in your household?
• What were the unspoken and spoken rules and consequences?
• What types of expectations were placed upon you as a child?

2 – Ask your partner these same questions and invite them to reflect on their personal experience.

3 – Some feelings might come up for both you and your partner during this exercise. They might be uncomfortable, or difficult to address. Simply note them, write them down, and give yourself some time.

Whatever emotions come up for you, I just want you to be aware of them. I don’t want you to let them take over but just be aware like sadness? Frustration? Overwhelm? Rejection? Abandonment? (Veronica Cisneros)

4 – Identify how some of these rules you might have brought into your own home without realizing it. Do not criticize yourself! Give yourself some grace because – in your mind – these rules might have kept you safe, even if they are inherently hurtful.

5 – Now, you and your partner can have an open and honest conversation with one another about how you were both raised, what you might have accidentally brought into your current home, what you want to change, and how you can change things together.

In this process, you need to give each other grace. No judgment, no shaming. Value honesty, compassion, and care.

Most of the time we’re recreating our childhood because it’s what’s familiar, and when we don’t have the skills to do anything different, that’s exactly where we stay – we stay within the familiar! (Veronica Cisneros)

Your husband is doing the same thing as you are, it only looks different. It’s not a personal vendetta against you.

Useful links:

• Join our FaceBook Page – Empowered and Unapologetic
• Take the Marriage Predictor quiz!
• Follow me on Instagram
• Check out the new website! https://veronicacisneros.org/
• Outside The Norm Counseling – 951 395 3288 call to schedule an appointment today!
• 5 Things that are Killing your Marriage Free Guide available at www.veronicacisneros.org

Meet Veronica Cisneros

Hello, my name is Veronica Cisneros, I am a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Marriage Coach, Course Creator, Retreat Host, Mother of 3, married for 23 years, host of the Empowered and Unapologetic podcast, and owner of a group private practice called Outside The Norm Counseling.

A lot of couples struggle with setting aside intentional time to connect and communicate. They yearn for meaningful conversations that don’t lead to arguments.

1 month away from divorce, I realized I had to do something different. For years I had compromised myself to meet the needs of my husband and my child, I lost myself and was about to lose my marriage. After years of personal growth and self-reflection, I not only reclaimed my identity, and celebrated 23 years of marriage but also helped hundreds of couples transform their marriage from feeling like roommates to experiencing a deeper love.

I am on a mission to help couples reignite the fire by providing them with the skills to have the relationship they deserve.

Whether you listen to the podcast, join the free Facebook community, or do the Workshop,  you’re in the right place. Let’s do this together!

Thanks for listening!

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