You dread the holidays approaching because you don’t want to put on a brave face and pretend like all is okay with your marriage. You are married but somewhere along the line, it felt like you became just roommates. Is this you Mama?

Do you feel lonely in your marriage? Are you perhaps ignoring problems that you know are present in the relationship? Has the value of your marriage been forgotten by both of you?

In this podcast episode, I talk about how being married yet feeling all alone these holidays and some steps on how to get your marriage back on track. Grab some pen and paper, and let’s get to work!

Summary

• Loneliness in marriage
• How did this happen?
• What you can do about it

Loneliness in marriage

The reason why I’m bringing up this topic in this holly, jolly month is because it’s important! You know, married couples actually do feel alone, and … it’s everything leading to that that couples completely ignore and avoid. (Veronica Cisneros)

If you have been struggling with feelings of loneliness, anxiety, and feeling disconnected from your partner and your marriage, then you need to take action and face it.

Ignoring this problem and hoping that it resolves itself is not going to work. You need to address this issue with your partner, with yourself, and with a therapist so that you can get back on the path with your husband that you know you want to be on.

How did this happen?

Most couples feel lonely in a marriage when there’s a lack of connection, unhealthy communication, lack of support or appreciation, financial issues, intimacy, and sex.

If you guys aren’t prioritizing the relationship. Yeah, that’s how it happens, when you stop prioritizing the relationship. And, unfortunately, this can happen very easily in a marriage, especially when you have kids. (Veronica Cisneros)

The relationship takes the back seat while everything else is put to the forefront, and so the marriage is neglected.

One thing I often see couples do is that women will prioritize household chores, kids, and their to-do list, while Men will prioritize work as well as the to-do list. They both stick to these roles because it’s easy to check off the box. (Veronica Cisneros)

Due to poor communication skills, each partner blames the other for feeling alone.

They become dependent on their partner fulfilling their needs and providing them with validation. This puts too many unrealistic expectations on the relationship.

It literally starts with you! Yes, I’m talking to you, and you! If both of you guys are listening … it’s important to identify what issues you’re bringing into the relationship. Are you dependent on your spouse to provide you with validation? Are you relying on them to fulfill you? If you answered yes to any of these, mama and papa, this is something you need to work on. (Veronica Cisneros)

What you can do about it

You both play a role and being able to identify what part you play is truly important, and it’s helpful. (Veronica Cisneros)

• It’s time to speak up and share how you’re feeling.

Have conversations without criticism, blame, or judgment because they will help increase connection, which is what we ultimately want.

• Stay away from saying that your partner is the problem.

Remember if you lead with criticism and blame the conversation will end quicker than when it started.

• Ask him if he feels disconnected as well, and listen without interrupting him or judging his response.

Ask for clarification and listen again to understand even if you don’t agree.

• Ask questions. Have an open conversation with your partner to see if you can both pinpoint where the disconnection started.
• Work on yourself and the issues you bring into the relationship. It’s better to have these conversations now before you’re surrounded by an audience.

What usually happens with couples is that they ignore the signs that there’s something wrong or trouble in the relationship. I can’t tell you how many times couples have told me, “I thought we were just in a rough patch and now the D-word is being thrown around. How did we get here?” (Veronica Cisneros)

• Seek professional help. If you and your partner find it difficult to have conversations without arguing, it may be time to seek professional help.

A couple’s therapist can provide you with the tools and skills you both need to reignite the flame, and help you rebuild your relationship and strengthen your connection so you don’t have to feel lonely anymore.

Useful links:

• 6 Steps to Help Your Husband with his Porn Addiction with Carly Herbert | EU 145
• Outside The Norm Counseling – Call (951) 395 3288
• FREE Guide Download – 5 Mistakes to Avoid for a Healthy Marriage
• Join The Empowered and Unapologetic Housewives Club
• Empowered and Unapologetic Instagram Page 

Meet Veronica Cisneros

Hello, my name is Veronica Cisneros, I am a licensed marriage and family therapist for over 7 years, a Group Private Practice owner, a Mother of 3, and married for over 20 years. I help housewives transform their marriage, communicate effectively and build confidence. Like you, I also struggled with cutting through the communication barriers. I felt like there was no reason for my husband and me to feel unhappy because we had it all. We just felt disconnected and our conversations were filled with avoidance, kids’ hobbies, and schedules. 

I’ve helped plenty of couples in my private practice who struggled with similar issues. With my proven strategies and step-by-step skills, I’ve helped hundreds of women reignite their marriages. I am known for helping women step outside of their comfort zones, I don’t do bandaids, I only teach life-changing healing methods.

Whether you listen to the podcast, join the free Facebook community, or join our ‘Reconnect with your Husband’ Workshop,  you’re in the right place. Let’s do this together!

Thanks for listening!

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