[VERONICA]:
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Hey ladies. Welcome to Empowered and Unapologetic. I’m your host, Veronica Cisneros. So, this is a three-part series. Melissa and I teamed up to discuss all things health related, well, when it comes to health and fitness, and I wanted to ensure you received all of the information you needed to pursue a healthy lifestyle. I feel like most of us women struggle with body shaming. In episode 11, we discussed what your personal trainer refuses to tell you. In this episode, I’m being interviewed by Melissa on her podcast, Bomb Mom, where I teach about instant gratification, shifting your mindsets, especially when we lack confidence, by finding that happy middle. So, grab your pen and paper because you’re gonna want to take notes. Enjoy.

[MELISSA]:
Hello everyone and welcome back to the Bomb Mom podcast. I am your host, Melissa Vogel, and I cannot wait for this episode. We have my friend, my confidant, my partner in crime when it comes to her insane life with our three girls and everything. We have Veronica Cisneros here. Say hello, Veronica.

[VERONICA]:
Hey, girls.

[MELISSA]:
Don’t wait for your intro, just let everyone know you’re here.

[VERONICA]:
It’s about to go down.

[MELISSA]:
That’s right, that’s right. So, Veronica is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, motivational speaker and I love her because she, just like me, she lovingly calls out insecurities and doubts and teaches women to challenge themselves for what they are. I just, I adore her. You guys are gonna learn so much from her today. So, when it comes to stepping out of your comfort zone, Veronica is seriously your best bet. She ensures that stepping out, women are able to experience true transformational change, uncovering their inner goddess and, let’s be honest, just a complete badass they’ve always wanted to be. Are you guys understanding now why we get along so well? She helps women truly become empowered and unapologetic. That’s the name of her podcast that you guys have to check her out: Empowered and Unapologetic. Like, boom, it just makes me want to have a fake mic in my hand and just pretend I’m dropping it every time I say it.

[VERONICA]:
Boom! Hell yeah, hell yeah.

[MELISSA]:
But she has unique challenges and just this personal… this personalized touch on the way she coaches, and I love that she inspires everyone that she talks to. She helps a ton of women learn how to go… learn how to let go of perfectionism and instead, face their emotional wounds and insecurities, like, oh my god, I love that so much, Veronica, like, fucking love it. Okay, so today, you guys, and you’re probably all wondering like, what the hell does this have to do with health and fitness and everything?

[VERONICA]:
Everything.

[MELISSA]:
Everything. These people who are listening, they’re kind of used to me telling them the things that no one else will tell them on their fitness journey. And I’m like, yeah, that infomercial like, no one’s going to tell you that you becoming an inspirational person is really gonna help you lose 10 pounds. No one talks about that shit, right?

[VERONICA]:
No.

[MELISSA]:
So today, you guys, with Veronica and all her experience and knowledge, I mean, she’s a full-on amazing therapist. And if there’s anything that you want to know, and uncover, she’s your go-to girl. And so today, combining that with health and fitness, we’re going to talk about food. Oh my God, my favorite topic. But we’re going to talk about food, our relationships with food, and how we self-sabotage. And the perfect example, before we get into anything, because I want everyone listening to this to be nodding their heads going, yep, yep, I fucking get it, yep. So, have you guys ever come super far on your fitness journey and you’re eating right and you’re doing good. And you’re like, damn, I’m good. You know, oh, I can just have this and before you know it, you’re back to where you started, and you’ve completely sabotaged all of your goals. Like, yeah, yeah, who’s raising their hand and nodding their head? And they’re like, yeah, I’ve totally done it. It’s part of that rollercoaster that we’ve been on. So today, we’re going to talk about the reasons behind that. Why do we do that? Why do we go in the pantry and freakin’ binge on whatever we can find, knowing that it’s not right? We should stop. Right? Veronica? Have you ever been here and done this before?

[VERONICA]:
Oh, girl. I’m telling you. You put some onion rings in front of me with some ranch and ketchup. It’s on like Donkey Kong. It is on like Donkey Kong. I’d like to say… Right? I’d like to say, oh, no, you know, all past. You know, I don’t need that. However, in reality, yeah, it’s that… you see it, it’s that instant gratification. It’s that instant validation that ‘I deserve these damn onion rings’, you know. And so, in that moment I get to experience true bliss. Well, it depends on where the onion rings are from. But yes, absolutely. It’s the way we respond

[MELISSA]:
Right, right.

[VERONICA]:
We want that instant gratification.

[MELISSA]:
So why do you think we do it, though? Like, really deep down? Why do you think, we know that it’s bad to go and binge on the chips at like, 11 o’clock at night, do you…? And a lot of people say, oh, no, I was just bored. I shouldn’t do that. What do you think’s really behind, like mentally, when we do these behaviors knowing that hey, I could have fuckin’ ordered that salad at the hockey game we went to and I didn’t; I ordered the fucking burger and fries knowing that I shouldn’t have.

[VERONICA]:
Yes. Well, because we think we deserve it, like, I deserve it. I deserve to go ahead and eat this – I’ve had a long day or, I’ve worked so many hours, or I went to the gym and worked my ass off. So, it’s my turn, and I deserve it. And, you know, I’m not really going to gain five pounds if I eat the burger, I’m not really going to gain, you know, 10 pounds if I eat this, which is possibly true. However, again, we’re going to this instant satisfaction and we’re going into this feeling so much comfort versus being able to go ahead and sit in that discomfort. And you know, we think about right now; right now I want this, right now, you know, the minute I taste it, the minute I grabbed the donut, whatever the hell, it sounds so great. And I’m sure for your listeners, they’re like ooh, donut glaze, cherry felt, you know what I mean? Or your twist. We go there and that’s where our brain takes us because we romanticize the food.

[MELISSA]:
Yes.

[VERONICA]:
That’s instant gratification versus us looking in the long run, where do we want to be? Where do we want to be a year from now? Where do we want to be, during summer, for the rest of our lives? Is that where we want to go? That’s too long term, and for most of us, we want instant gratification right now. I mean, hell, look at Amazon. He’s taking down everybody because we all get that instant quick fix.

[MELISSA]:
Right. That’s what I was gonna ask you too. Do you think… I know I talked about this recently, I’m not sure if it’s in my group or my last podcast. I don’t know – all the days are blurring together. But our society with like, oh my God, my cell phone’s not loading fast enough. The internet’s not coming up fast enough. Like, oh, I want to swipe. Oh, I want to like, oh… Do you think that that plays a role in our food, and in our journey too?

[VERONICA]:
God, yes. Absolutely. You know, I was scrolling the other day through social media, because I do a lot of my posts on there, and I find inspiration on there too, and there were so many women with these great bodies and it’s like, that’s… the immediate like, immediate, instant thought was there’s no way that’s ever going to happen. And I stopped myself. And I was like, what the hell was that? Why? Why did I go there? And well because we’ve… maybe I’ve never experienced that, or maybe none of us have ever experienced being that small except for when we were like 15 years old, right? And so, we don’t believe that it’s possible, and because we don’t believe it’s possible, we won’t do it. In addition to that, we know how much work it takes to go out and get to that place. And it’s easier for us to say, oh, you know, she has good genetics. Well, screw that. That’s not necessarily true. Doing my own time, my own self-sacrifice inside of the gyms, I’ve recognized it’s not that this just comes easy to anybody. There is a lot of work. And each time when I’m at the gym, I tell myself, you know, everybody in here is going through something similar. We’re all going through pain. We all have goals that we want to meet. How bad do you want it?

[MELISSA]:
Right.

[VERONICA]:
How bad do you want it? That, if I’m able to go ahead and lean in and challenge that initial thought, well then the minute that donut, the minute those onion rings come up, I will become familiar with that discomfort. And that instant urge that instant impulse to grab, will turn into something else. It’ll turn into self-discipline, it’ll turn into motivation, which then turns into confidence. And that’s ultimately what we’re lacking.

[MELISSA]:
Yeah, oh, totally agree. Completely agree.

[VERONICA]:
Another attributor to this lack of confidence, and we’ll go into that more, is that negative self-talk. Again, we don’t believe we can do this because we’ve never done it before. And I want you guys to think about the last time you accomplished a goal. For most of us moms, we’ll do everything we can to support our kids, our husbands in accomplishing all these goals and making all of their dreams come true. However, we don’t really invest any time on us, and we’re so busy doing all of the things for everyone, we get caught up in it and sometimes forget to eat. I know I’m guilty of it at times. And so, in those moments, that negative self-talk becomes very, very real, which only diminishes that level of self-esteem.

[MELISSA]:
Right. Does this sound familiar, ladies? Is this sounding familiar?

[VERONICA]:
We get to this place, yeah, we get to this place of not believing we can do it. And so, we don’t. However, the minute I… the minute I grab that damn doughnut, it’s gonna provide me this instant satisfaction. And now I’ve developed this unhealthy relationship with food, and in so many ways, I’m abusing it.

[MELISSA]:
Right. And then you’re so hard on yourself after. It’s like sometimes the guilt… like, if we could just know like, hey, you’re gonna feel this extreme guilt when you’re done, dude, it’s not even worth it. I think that we would second guess it and probably put it back down, but this instant gratification and good feelings followed by like, oh, I feel sick and then the terrible guilt, it’s like, up and down and up and down. And so many women experience this all the time, like, all the time, it just breaks my heart.

[VERONICA]:
Absolutely. And, you know, I want to challenge what you said a little bit because, yes, it’s on point. However, sometimes in that moment that we’re right in front of whatever food, whatever snacks, we don’t give a shit. You know, we don’t care that it’s that, you know, we’re going to… we’re eating poorly and we don’t care that, you know, we broke our cycle or we broke that, you know, whatever healthy way of living. In that moment it doesn’t matter.

[MELISSA]:
Right. It’s that instant ‘Fuck it’ mode.

[VERONICA]:
Exactly. And it’s that way because of what we’re currently experiencing. I could easily say, okay, put the damn donut down. Put the damn donut down, walk away, and let’s go ahead and look at the bird. Let’s go ahead and look at the trees. I could do that, however, you’re gonna be like, girl, give me the damn donut before I take you out. Let’s just be honest, like girl, you stand between me and this, you’re going down like Donkey Kong, it’s happening. However, if we can go ahead and help identify and understand where this comes from… because I’m going to tell you right now ladies, I’ve been there, I’m in it sometimes with you. Unless we’ve been doing this for a long time, and this has been our routine, it’s very difficult to start. It’s not impossible, and so if you can give yourself grace and know that, you know what, for right now, this is where I’m at for right now. It’s not going to be forever. Then you’ll be able to identify this unhealthy relationship with food, then you’ll be able to take action.

[MELISSA]:
Yes. And I think that that whole, just, hold on… just that discomfort that you talked about. I love when you talk about that of like, this too shall pass. But just learn from it. Learn from it.

[VERONICA]:
Yes. Yes. That’s hard, riding that wave of discomfort. Go ahead.

[MELISSA]:
It is. No, I was just gonna totally agree with you – it is. That’s really tough, to be uncomfortable. And I always say to like, get comfortable being uncomfortable. That’s not easy. It’s not easy at all. And I say it a lot more of like, physically like, hey, you know, do these burpees, they suck and keep going. But like, your work and like, mentally and emotionally, it’s even harder. That’s harder than physical to me.

[VERONICA]:
Yes. So, when we look at working out, it’s the same thing. Being able to go ahead and complete those reps, even if… I’ve admitted this to Melissa; there are times when… I’ve even done this on my Instagram; I’m in the gym, and I’m feeling so insecure because I’m doing a new move that Melissa gave me – thanks a lot, Melissa – and I’m doing this new move and it’s this new exercise and I’m uncomfortable because I’m donkey kicking the air and I’m like, leaning over, trying to position myself right so I still look hot, you know, if my husband just happens to pass by or whatever. And you know, or even worse, if that girl is walking behind me who has that rocking body that I so wish I had, you know, I’m feeling insecure. And I think for most part… most times, I mean, it’s been my experience, I’m not sure about you guys. But most times, it’s the women that we’re most insecure around because it’s like, damn, I did this to myself. I did this to myself. And it’s easier for us to say, well, yeah, I did this to myself, and I’m so far gone, what am I doing? These insecurities are so overwhelming. They’re so overwhelming and I felt defeated by them – let me get the hell out of here and let this girl use the bench because she knows what she’s doing. I have no clue. And again, leaning into those insecurities, leaning into that fear, and saying, no, screw that, hell no, I’m gonna be on this bench. I don’t care if all of the benches are full. And I’m going to go ahead and complete this set. And yes, I might be doing it wrong. However, I’m doing it.

[MELISSA]:
Right.

[VERONICA]:
I’m doing it. And that’s what I mean by giving yourself some grace. It’s, girl, the fact that you even thought about hey, maybe I shouldn’t have had, you know, 15 donuts or 10 donuts or one donut, whatever it is. I don’t want you to go ahead and get to this place of criticizing yourself or judging yourself. Okay, it happened, now what? Now what? What can we do next, right?

[MELISSA]:
Yep, yep. What is one tip…? Like, and I know I’m totally throwing us off cos I didn’t tell you I was gonna ask you this.

[VERONICA]:
Let’s do it, girl. Let’s go.

[MELISSA]:
Give me one tip, you know… ‘Cos I think a lot of women get in that position, in the gym, of like, oh man I’m doing it wrong, and the whole insecurity thing and the lack of self-confidence. What’s one thing that they could do that would help them in that very moment? What do you do to move from, God, I must look like a fucking asshole right now to, no, I’m gonna do this? What helps you switch that? Is it a word? Is it visualizing? Is it just recognizing, stopping, adjusting?

[VERONICA]:
Yeah, I’m gonna take it two ways. Here’s the first one… I’m gonna give you my answer first.

[MELISSA]:
Okay.

[VERONICA]:
For me, it’s looking in the mirror. I will force myself and I know, ladies, I don’t know when the la… I’m gonna ask you, when’s the last time you looked in the mirror? And I’ll look at myself and, what am I doing this for? I’m doing this for me.

[MELISSA]:
Like, you do this in the gym? You make yourself look at…?

[VERONICA]:
Hell to the yes, I do.

[MELISSA]:
Yes, I love that.

[VERONICA]:
Hell to the yes, I do. I’ll look at myself and I’ll ask why are you here? Why are you here? Why did your ass wake up at five in the morning? 4:30 in the morning because, yes, it happens – I run two businesses so my ass needs to be at the gym that early. You know, why? Why are you here? And in addition to that, you’re sacrificing your sleep. Right? So okay, so something has to give, something has to take place. So, it could be a complete waste of time and your ass can get up and leave, and then you didn’t put in any work or, or you can realize that this moment’s temporary. And yes, this sucks. Yes, this is uncomfortable. Okay, so now we’re over that. You realize, yes, you’re… I identify where I’m at, there’s insecurities. All of these thoughts are coming up. You know, all of these… I get flooded with thoughts.

[MELISSA]:
Yeah.

[VERONICA]:
You know, you’re doing wrong, you’re not enough. And then I look back in the mirror and it’s like, okay, why are you here? You’re almost done. Keep going, you might be doing it completely wrong, who gives a shit? You’re here. Thank God you’re here, keep moving forward. And it’s that, it’s that talk that I… that motivational speech that I give myself that it’s like, no, hell no, I deserve it. And yes, I already made the sacrifice when I woke up, and got out of bed, and put on them damn stretchy pants, that you know, I’m tucking my belly fat in, and the freakin’ sports bras that don’t fit my boobs, you know, I’m squishing it all in there. I already did all that. I paid a big price to be here. You know, Stephen Covey says, ‘In order for change to happen, in order for you to develop a new habit, you have to know what to do, how to do, how to do it, why you’re doing it…’ and this is the key one, and I don’t think he uses it as the key but I’m going to use it as the key, because I noticed I use this in therapy too.

[MELISSA]:
Do it.

[VERONICA]:
You have to actually want to do it.

[MELISSA]:
Yes.

[VERONICA]:
You have to actually want to sit there at the gym. You have to want to go ahead and lean into that discomfort. You have to want to feel uncomfortable and get used to it. You have to want to go ahead and challenge all of those thoughts that come in. You have to want it so badly, right? You have to want it so badly that you’re willing to lean in and ride that wave. Yeah, we get to ride with you. Right?

[MELISSA]:
Absolutely. And I think a lot of people say they want it, and then when it comes down to it, and it’s like, okay, let’s take the next step. What’s the next step? Oh, like, you know, for you, it’d be like joining your program or me – joining my program. Like that, hey, that’s your next step. They’re not willing to do it. And I’m like, dude, you don’t want it yet. You’re not even willing to take that one little first step? I mean, I haven’t even fucking thrown a burpee at you yet. You know? Whatever, like you haven’t even gotten to the hard part yet and you’re already telling me like, uhm… Yeah, I love that. It’s true though.

[VERONICA]:
Yes. So, with that, I want to make sure the ladies know that, okay, so yes, let’s say you’re there. Let’s say you’re already coming up with some form of resistance. That’s true for all of us in different scenarios, you know, it might be working out, it might be in relationships, it might be with us growing and excelling in school. We can use this approach all around. So, what is it? What is it that’s holding me back? And this is where we go into that emotional mental component. What is it? What is the script that I’ve said to myself over and over again? What if other people taught me about my level of self-worth and my ability to grow? Oh, yeah, that’s right – I’ve been told I’m not enough. Oh, yeah, that’s right – I’ve been rejected over and over and over again, and I’ve been completely passed over. So how in the hell am I going to develop this ability to lean into the fear when nobody’s ever taught me? Right?

[MELISSA]:
Yup.

[VERONICA]:
And that’s where that grace comes in. Nobody’s ever taught you any of this. For most of us, especially as moms, we’ve been taught a complete lie; we’ve been conditioned to put ourselves last. And so, for you to go ahead and do the… you know, go on to this healthy track and develop this new way of living, guess what? There’s gonna be resistance, and that’s okay.

[MELISSA]:
And expect it to stick, like right away.

[VERONICA]:
Yes, exactly. Exactly.

[MELISSA]:
I always use… and tell me if this is wrong… I always use the moment that you decided you want to do it. When you’re like, no, I’m gonna do this. This is gonna suck, but I want to do it like, I have to do it. Your should becomes your must. That moment that you decide, I always tell the women in my group, that’s your birthday. That’s the day you were born. Okay, so, when you’re on this journey, that day that you were born is how many months old you are. So, let’s say you started January, and now we’re in March or whatever. So, we got January, February, March. You’re a three-month old baby. Why do we expect 10 year old 14, 15 year old behavior of like, no, you should know better, you should have some habits and you should be able to walk by now, you should have some discipline done by now, when you’re only three months old? And I try and tell them like, this is how you should look at your journey. So even if you’ve been into fitness and health and wellness for two years now, right? You’re just, you’re two years old. You’re two. Are you walking? Are you feeding yourself? Are you doing good things like yeah, great, but like, you’re not gonna be perfect. You know? And that takes time and patience and, like you said, giving yourself grace and realizing, and identifying like, how old really are you on this journey?

[VERONICA]:
Absolutely.

[MELISSA]:
Are you really gonna get mad at that one year old because they’re not self-sufficient and giving themselves a bath? Like, no. Nobody ever taught you these things, so that’s why I say it’s almost like a rebirth thing. So, I love that you said that about like, no one ever taught you these things. No one ever taught you how to stop your thoughts and identify it and give yourself grace and like, put yourself first and like, uh uh, it doesn’t even matter if you’re four years old, you have a lot to learn, and it’s going to take time.

[VERONICA]:
Yes, absolutely. And I love that. I love that you said that, you know, you have a lot to learn. And again, as moms, we have this… we wear this badge of honor with we can do everything for everyone, you know, and it’s driven by the enemy, which is perfectionism. And so the minute we see ourselves, what we call failing, the minute we see that we’re not doing it right, that’s when we tend to go ahead and lean back and pretend like it’s not happening. One thing that I’ve noticed that really works for people is, I tend to ask the question, especially with anybody I interview on my podcast, I’ll ask them – even the experts. What are you doing right now? What are you doing right this second, not what you did yesterday, not what you did five minutes ago? Like, what are you doing right now to live the life you want to live? And you get to go ahead and say that, you know, well, for right now I’m giving myself grace. I don’t know what the hell’s gonna happen in five minutes. I don’t know what’s gonna happen, you know, two months from now, whatever. But for right now, for right now, this moment, I’m giving myself grace. You know, and then tomorrow, you get to ask that same question. And each time you’re starting to become more and more aware of the things that you’re doing for yourself. And in addition to that, you’re just as good as everybody else, you know, your family, you’re just as good as your kids. So, you get to go out and take that time and nurture yourself and honor, honor your body, wherever you’re currently at. It’s not where you want to be, it’s where you’re at right now. What steps you’re taking towards your goals.

[MELISSA]:
Yes, absolutely. Oh, why can’t women just talk and work with us every day, all the time, and we’re just gonna make [unclear] people. No matter what, just sign up with Veronica, sign with me. She’s gonna take care of your mind, I’m gonna take care of your body and it’s just powerful. No, I love it. I love it. Um, let’s talk about one thing really quick. The dreaded, or maybe the – you’re looking forward to it – cheat day. Can we talk about cheat day really quick?

[VERONICA]:
Yes. Yes.

[MELISSA]:
And what surrounds that? Because I know we’ve talked about that before briefly. And I wish we were like, would’a recorded when we were talking, seriously.

[VERONICA]:
I… For reals.

[MELISSA]:
So much behind cheat day and it’s such a popular word or, well actually it’s two words, right? No, but cheat day… I don’t know. I don’t know.

[VERONICA]:
Two words.

[MELISSA]:
Two words. Okay. It’s like two of the most popular words in the fitness world. I literally hear the words cheat day all the time, even in the gym. People are talking about it, this weekend is cheat day and, oh, and it’s my cheat day. Oh my god. So, what are your thoughts behind these two very powerful words of cheat day?

[VERONICA]:
Yeah. Well, so in some… You know, people argue that cheat day helps people stay consistent. You know, I know that I have fallen in that…

[MELISSA]:
It’s balance, dude. It’s balance.

[VERONICA]:
Right? I have fallen in that category on several occasions. I can’t wait for cheat day. I’m gonna eat the pasta, I’m gonna eat the enchiladas. So, like, it’s happening – green enchiladas. I have to be specific.

[MELISSA]:
Let’s be specific.

[VERONICA]:
Let’s be specific. Excuse me. So, we ended up celebrating and it goes back to romanticizing our food and we’ll go ahead and do all of the things up until cheat day. However, that’s also what’s preventing us from living this life that we want to live. Here’s why: I remember… and I’ll share something personal. I remember there was a time that I was so back and forth, right, with all of these diets and doing all the things and, you know, no carbs. And then, you know, I went on keto, and I did all of the things and I see results. However, they were temporary. And I finally got to a place where it was like, you know what? Screw it. I can’t do this anymore. And I’m so tired. I’m so tired of, you know, not being able to go ahead and eat whatever the hell I want when I want. And I feel like I’m constantly punishing myself like, what the hell is this? I don’t deserve to be punished. And so, I remember I just decided, you know what? Screw that. I’m gonna eat that… I’m gonna eat it. I’m going to do it, for this entire month, then I gave myself a month.

[MELISSA]:
Oh god.

[VERONICA]:
Right? Then I just had to give myself a month. And so the minute I said, I kid you not Melissa, the minute I said, okay, I’m giving myself a month, I’m gonna eat whatever the hell I want, and see what happens. I’m gonna do a little experiment. And so, the minute I finished that sentence, I was like, wait a minute, I’m hungry. And I was on the freeway. I don’t know where the hell I was going. But I was like, you know what, oh my god, The Hat. The Hat’s right there. They have pastrami fries with all of the cheese and all of everything. So, it’s like, boom, it’s happening. It’s and I just remember getting so excited. Like it was a little kid being told, you get to go ahead and walk into Toys’R’Us, and take everything.

[MELISSA]:
Whatever you want.

[VERONICA]:
Whatever you want. And I was gonna skip and I was gonna slowly go down the aisles and just like, that was me. I was totally hyping it up in my head. And I remember being in Drive Thru and it’s like, yep, I’m gonna get a root beer. You know, they don’t have root beer floats, or I would totally get one, but they don’t have it. So, I’m going to do a root beer and I’m going to do the pastrami fries. No lie, my mouth’s watering. I’m just being honest. And so, I’m doing all the things. And I remember saying, you know what, I deserve to just stop driving and I’m gonna go ahead and eat this in the parking lot. And I remember parking so I can have a good view. I’m telling you. We romanticize it. It’s like a drug.

[MELISSA]:
Yeah, such a good word.

[VERONICA]:
And I will tell you, it is a drug. Right? And so there I am, making sure I have the perfect parking spot where I can see the most action and, mind you, Sam’s Club is right across the street, like it’s nothing big, but it was big to me.

[MELISSA]:
Can I just say, you remind me of a meme of Winnie the Pooh with his honeypot in front of his lap and he’s like, shaking his shoulders back and forth.

[VERONICA]:
Oh yeah, it’s going down. Total happy dance, it’s going down. And so there I am, I’m eating it. It’s happening. I’m feeling like this is the best day ever. I gave myself permission, oh my god, this month is going to be on point. And ate it and felt so bloated. And it just hurt. It hurt in so many ways. And it wasn’t even that I wanted to self-sabotage because I didn’t, I told myself I could do whatever the hell I want. However, I also realized, wait a minute, what are you doing? What are you doing right now? And I’d like to tell you all that I stopped there. I’d like to say you know what I learned from that mistake. And I learned from feeling disgusted. I learned from all those, you know, uncomfortable feelings. However, I didn’t. I kept going. And the next day I did the same thing. And I did it over and over and I remember being in session. I remember being in session at one point and I remember like trying to really lean in I was sitting down as you know, running a group session, and I’m leaning in and I’m getting into it and I’m like, oh my God, my… I’m having a hard time leaning over, just because I’m so bloated. And I’m losing like, I’m losing… It’s hard for me to breathe. And so, it was like, oh my god, okay, I have to sit upright. And then I remember my body shaking. And it’s like, what the hell is going on? What is going on? And so, at that point, I realized, okay, wait a minute, you went from one extreme to the other. Why?

[MELISSA]:
Why? Yes.

[VERONICA]:
And so, I started asking myself, right? Why, why did you do that? Why would you do that to yourself? Well, because, again, it didn’t work that way so let me try this way, but they’re both extremes. So, finding out what is… what’s that middle for you? You know, and you might have to break this down. What is my middle? Identify if there’s a problem, so… I don’t know if you want me to go over steps but I can if you want me to.

[MELISSA]:
Sure.

[VERONICA]:
Okay. So, you know, the first step is – I would say is, identify the problem. What is the problem? Do you feel like you’re restricting all the time? Do you feel like you’re avoiding certain foods and you’re going all day because you don’t know what the hell to eat, because you don’t want to eat another freakin’ salad? And you’re limited with what recipes are out there. Like, what is the problem, and be honest with yourself.

[MELISSA]:
Yes.

[VERONICA]:
What is the main problem? Right? And the second thing, how is it impacting your life? You know, I know with me, I was frustrated, I was tired. I just wanted to just stay away from my kids. I remember there being a point, and I shared this on one of my podcast episodes, I remember there being a point where I couldn’t even… I would create an argument with my husband so he can get the hell out of the closet when I was changing. I didn’t want him in the room. I didn’t want him to see me naked. And my husband’s like, really touchy feely, it’s going down. But I would create an argument. And I would force him, without him even knowing, to get the hell out of the closet because it was… and it got to a point where whenever I would get dressed, again, I never told him I feel uncomfortable with you being here. I did later on. And we talked about it. However, for that brief, you know, that couple of weeks I remember being this way. It got to a point where Willie would say, girls, your mom’s changing, nobody in the room, because I would go like, it would happen, it would go down. Now, I wouldn’t necessarily go postal, but I came close.

[MELISSA]:
Right.

[VERONICA]:
Right? Because it was just, I didn’t feel comfortable. I didn’t feel secure.

[MELISSA]:
And that was totally impacting your life.

[VERONICA]:
Hell yes. It was impacting my relationship. It was impacting my ability to spend time with my kids because I didn’t want to go out anywhere. I didn’t want anybody to see me. I don’t want pictures taken. I mean, you name it.

[MELISSA]:
Yeah.

[VERONICA]:
So, being honest with yourself, how is this impacting my life? And I would say the third step is, okay, well, I’m here. What am I going to do about it? What am I willing to do about it? And really think about that. You know, we could easily say, okay, I’m gonna go to the gym tomorrow. All right, awesome. Do you even have a damn gym membership? When’s the last time you went into the gym? You know what I mean? Like, let’s take it back even smaller, you know, maybe I’ll call local gyms. Or maybe I might get my ass up and go for a walk down the street. And then take it to the next step where I’m walking around the corner, and then take it to that next step, because you have to develop a new routine, because remember, we’ve been conditioned to believe we’re not enough. We’ve been conditioned to believe that we’re not going to go ahead and succeed. So, these are small, instant goals that you’ll go ahead and achieve quickly. You know, and the fourth step would be consistency. How often am I going to do this? And again, it’s okay, if you say I’m going to do this one time a week. Awesome. High five. You’re amazing. One time a week. Cool. I’m going to do it once every two weeks. All right, golden. Stay there, stay there and then reassess after those two weeks. Reassess after, right? And continue to do that.

[MELISSA]:
Yeah. Cos I think people think hit… they set way too big a goals, and they’re like, I’m gonna do this for like six months or like, you know until this or like I’m gonna do this until I’ve dropped 30 pounds and it’s like, dude, like, woah. Back off. Two weeks. I love that you said two weeks. Do it for two weeks, then reassessed.

[VERONICA]:
Yes, absolutely.

[MELISSA]:
I love these four tips. I hope you guys all took notes, but if you didn’t, it’s in the show notes. Identify the problem. How is it impacting your life? What am I going to do about this, or like what you said, what am I willing to do about this? And be consistent. You guys, those are like the four most golden nuggets that she could have ever given you, because it’s true. That’s how you’re gonna find, where’s your middle? Not one extreme, not the next, but where’s your middle?

[VERONICA]:
Yes.

[MELISSA]:
Oh my god, Veronica, this was so perfect. I could keep talking with you for ever and ever, and lucky for all of you, we’re going to because we’re gonna do a part two. What what.

[VERONICA]:
Woot, woot.

[MELISSA]:
I know everyone’s super excited, try to stay on the road if you’re driving, but we are going to end off this episode because we could just keep talking for ever and ever and ever. But we are going to have a part two, so make sure you guys come back, keep listening. And we are going to talk, I’m not gonna lie, a little bit about some sex. Yeah, more about what we see in the mirror.

[VERONICA]:
Yes.

[MELISSA]:
Oh my god, I can’t wait. Okay, so make sure you guys check out Veronica’s podcast. It’s Empowered and Unapologetic. Do you have a website? What’s your website you’d like us to all look up?

[VERONICA]:
It’s empoweredandunapologetic.com.

[MELISSA]:
Boom. Easy.

[VERONICA]:
Boom. And in addition to that, I’m offering a free course to your guests. So that’s on my website empoweredandunapologetic.com/course.

[MELISSA]:
Love it. Oh my god, you guys. That’s priceless, and you get it for free just because you listen, and now you know where it’s at.

[VERONICA]:
Boom. Absolutely, absolutely.

[MELISSA]:
And before I let you go tell us how can we find you? Are you on social media? Where are you at? How can we look you up?

[VERONICA]:
Hell to the yeah. So, on Instagram, I’m under @empoweredandunapologetic. And then on Facebook, I have a free group that I would love you guys to join, and that’s facebook.com/empoweredandunapologetic.

[MELISSA]:
Awesome. So, if you guys use those keywords ’empowered and unapologetic’, you are gonna find Veronica. Seriously.

[VERONICA]:
Hell yeah.

[MELISSA]:
You guys, thank you for joining us. Don’t forget to rate and review these podcasts, check out Veronica’s podcast, and we will see you all next time.

[VERONICA]:
All right, bye.

What’s up, ladies? Just want to let you guys know that your ratings and reviews for this podcast are greatly appreciated.

If you love this podcast, please go to iTunes right now and rate and review. Thank you, guys.

Many women lose their own identity in the shadow of being a mom and a wife. We are a community of women who support each other. We leave perfectionism behind to become empowered and unapologetic. I know you’re ready for the next steps. If you want to become empowered and unapologetic, get my free course, “Unapologetically Me,” over at empoweredandunapologetic.com/course.

This podcast is designed to provide accurate and authoritative information in regard to the subject matter covered. This is given with the understanding that neither the host, Practice of the Practice, or the guests, are providing legal, mental health, or other professional information. If you need a professional, you should find one.