What Your Personal Trainer Isn’t Telling You With Melissa Vogel | EU 1151 min read

May 18, 2020

Are you considering hiring a personal trainer? What will your trainer not tell you? How can you know if a trainer is right for you? In this podcast episode, Veronica speaks to Melissa Vogel about getting fit after becoming a mom, and what your personal trainer isn’t telling you. Podcast Sponsor There are many ways […]

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I am a licensed marriage and family therapist, marriage coach, course creator, retreat host, mother of 3, married for 23 years and host of the Empowered and Unapologetic podcast. 


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Are you considering hiring a personal trainer? What will your trainer not tell you? How can you know if a trainer is right for you?

In this podcast episode, Veronica speaks to Melissa Vogel about getting fit after becoming a mom, and what your personal trainer isn’t telling you.

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Meet Melissa Vogel

Melissa Vogel

Melissa Vogel is a mother of 3, certified personal trainer and group fitness instructor, nutritional coach, actress, energetic keynote speaker, entrepreneur, and podcaster. With over 20 years of experience in the fitness industry, Melissa has not only been able to help others achieve their fitness goals, but she also leads by example. As one of the most sought after personal trainers and fitness instructors in the Inland Empire, Melissa has independently grown her in-person and online training business successfully and has been voted as the Best Personal Trainer for 2020 by Inland Empire. She has contributed to numerous publications and has been featured in the Trail Blazer Magazine, and published in the April 2020 edition of Health Magazine

As a mother of three, and a fitness professional, Melissa understands the struggle of a busy lifestyle, and how difficult if can be to fit fitness in. It is from this real-life experience that Melissa was able to develop her workout routines and fitness guides. She single-handedly created exercise programs that other women could use to gain the same health success that she has achieved; and is quickly becoming recognized for her expertise and influence in her field!

Visit her website and connect on Instagram and Facebook. Listen to Melissa’s podcast here!

Sign up for Melissa’s free course and ’30 Days to a Bomb Mom Body’ Fitness Plan.

In This Podcast


  • Melissa’s story and transformation
  • Mindset speed bumps
  • This is a journey, not a sprint
  • Calories in versus calories burned
  • What are trainers not telling us?
  • How to know if the trainer is right for you
  • Advice for the mom who feels stressed and disconnected

Melissa’s story and transformation

I embrace this, I give you grace, I love you because, my God, you just created humans!

Melissa was brought up in a fitness-focused household so she feels like she has a little advantage on other people. Her siblings, however, didn’t turn out the same way she did, even though they had the same upbringing. Growing up fit doesn’t always equal a fit adult, you still have to make that choice. When Melissa became a mom, her eyes were opened to a whole different world. When you’re pregnant, you give your body up to another human being. She wasn’t one of those women who bounced back after each of her pregnancies. Melissa realized that she was no longer the same person, she was a different human now, with a different role and couldn’t expect her body to operate and function the way it did before she had kids. She had to learn how to have a loving relationship with her body before getting fit again.

Mindset speed bumps

  • Finding the time
  • Diet changes
  • Mom guilt
  • Wanting instant results

This is a journey, not a sprint

Sometimes we need to shut our brains off to the outside world with everything being so instant and just know that you can’t compare your fitness journey to that.

Society has screwed us. We’re surrounded by instant gratification. Everything has to happen right now, faster and faster. We expect the same things to happen with our muscles, minds, and bodies. The more you can embrace that this is a journey and not a sprint, the more it’s going to help you get results that last forever. Take it slow, take baby steps, and don’t negate the baby steps, it’s still progress!

Calories in versus calories burned

Be patient with yourself and learn to know what works for you calorie-wise. Know what’s going into your body. Yes, technically, you can eat whatever you like as long as you stay within a certain amount of calories, but you need to consider the quality of the food as well. Greater quality food will give you more benefits, you won’t crash, you’ll have the fuel to last longer and be more productive. Right now, a lot of people are stuck at home and not able to be as active as they would like. Our activity levels are definitely less when we’re stuck inside our homes so start paying attention to your caloric intake. Eat foods with higher nutritional values, you can eat a lot more of them and still feel full, without blowing your daily calorie budget.

What are trainers not telling us?

It’s hard, this is hard. If it was easy, everyone would be walking around in a bikini with a 6 pack.

  • You’re going to fail – this isn’t going to be easy.
  • You are going to need accountability and support – this is really hard to do on your own.
  • You don’t have to hire him all the time, you don’t need to buy the 25-session package.
  • You’re going to become dependent on them.
  • You must like their body – You really have to look up to their body. Their body needs to be your body goals.

How to know if the trainer is right for you

Test them out – Usually, when joining a gym, you get 3 free sessions with a trainer. Use them, take advantage of it.

  • Personal training is very personal – Make sure that your personalities click, you don’t want to end up with a trainer that you resent, this brings about resentful feelings being associated with fitness.
  • Interview your trainer in person – you have to make sure they have the right vibe.
  • Make sure that your program is something that you can access anywhere and is easy to follow.

Advice for the mom who feels stressed and disconnected

Find accountability with someone who is going to help you set your goals, achieve them, and keep pushing you forward. Also, add yoga once a week to your life, it will do wonders for you.

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Meet Veronica Cisneros

Veronica Cisneros | Empowered And Unapologetic Podcast

I’m a licensed therapist and women walk into my office every day stressed and disconnected. As a mom of three daughters, I want my girls to know who they are and feel confident about their future. I can’t think of a better way to help other women than by demonstrating an empowered and unapologetic life.

So I started  Empowered and Unapologetic to be a safe space for women to be vulnerable and change their lives for the better before she ever needs to see a therapist.

Whether you listen to the podcast, join the free Facebook communityjoin the VIP community, or attend our annual retreat,  you’re in the right place. Let’s do this together!

Thanks for listening!

Did you enjoy this podcast? Feel free to share this podcast on social media! You can also leave a review of the Empowered and Unapologetic Podcast on iTunes and subscribe!

Empowered and Unapologetic is part of the Practice of the Practice Podcast Network, a network of podcasts seeking to help you thrive, imperfectly. To hear other podcasts like the Bomb Mom Podcast, Imperfect Thriving, or Beta Male Revolution, go to practiceofthepractice.com/network.

Podcast Transcription

Between writing notes, filing insurance claims and scheduling with clients, it can be hard to stay organized. That’s why I recommend Therapy Notes. Their easy to use platform lets you manage your practice securely and efficiently. Visit therapynotes.com to get two free months of Therapy Notes today. Just use promo code “Joe”, when you sign up for a free trial at therapynotes.com.

Have you ever thought, “How did I manage to lose myself?” Being a mom is so hard, especially when we’re feeling stressed and disconnected. We exhaust ourselves trying to create this perfect life for our family. You deserve to enjoy your marriage and your kids without the stress of perfectionism. I am going to teach you how to identify who you are outside of all of the roles you play.

Hi, I’m Veronica Cisneros. I’m a wife, mother of three and a licensed marriage and family therapist. I am on a mission to teach women, just like you, how to become empowered and unapologetic. Welcome to our girl gang.

Welcome to Empowered and Unapologetic. I’m your host Veronica Cisneros. Today’s guest is a mother, certified personal trainer and group fitness instructor, nutritional coach, actress and entrepreneur. With over 20 years of experience in the fitness industry, she has not only been able to help others achieve their fitness goals. She also leads by example, as one of the most sought-after personal trainers and fitness instructors in the Inland Empire. She has independently grown her in-person and online personal training business successfully. With her proven exercise techniques and unique picture food program, clients not only achieve amazing results, they get back in shape and learn how to be fit for life. Her mission is to help moms overcome their battle with health. So, please help me by welcoming Melissa Vogel, the host of Busy to Bomb Fit Mom. Hey, Melissa.

Hello. Thank you, Veronica.

Absolutely. I’m so excited. So just a quick heads up, me and Melissa are like BFFs for life, like next level. So, we might stay on topic we might not who knows where this will go. Not your average podcast at all. We’re gonna go from Disney rated to xxx. So, Melissa, one thing that I absolutely love about you is your transparency like you’re legit all the way around. You’re this, this true, authentic individual and you’re the same, you’re the same not only as a trainer, but as a friend. And so that’s one thing that I really appreciate about you. It’s just that level of authenticity.

I try, I really try to be because that’s one thing I’ve learned over the years that, like sugarcoating shit, like, does not get anyone results at all, and I used to try and be like the nice trainer, you know, like, I know you’re working really hard and it hurts, like just go get a drink of water and okay, you know, you didn’t want to like rock the boat with people or be like, Oh, you’ve been working out for six months and you haven’t lost any weight. Like, it’s okay, I believe you. You’re just eating carrots at home. Like it’s okay, I totally believe you. And it does everyone a disservice. So, I’ve really tried to just be real authentic, like I want to be who I am in my home and the same person that I am in my job.

Absolutely. So, for those of you I don’t know you can you please share with us your story and your transformation?

Yeah sure. So, my background with physical fitness and working out started out when I was really young, like I grew up doing martial arts and you know Sation Chi, and Tae kwon do, and Wing Chun, like all these names people are like are you speaking another language, like what’s going on? I didn’t do like ballet, like I did, I wasn’t the little girl running around in a tutu. I had a gun like 90% of the time. And my dad was very physically fit and stuff. So, I you know, I had a little advantage on people. I got to see that when is that my basement growing up because I’m from Michigan, so we had basements there. Growing up, we had gym equipment down there and working out stuff like it was just part of the norm. But, you know, to not do to continue to give myself credit like I have siblings. My siblings didn’t turn out the same as me. So, they had the same upbringing, they had the same environment, and they are not busy to bomb fit moms. Yeah. Oh, yeah. You know, I don’t want people to hear that and be like, oh, well that’s why she’s fit, she grew up with it. Well, that doesn’t always equal a fit adult just because you’re rounded as a kid you know, it’s still a choice.

Oh, how is that? How was it that choice of yours because I’m thinking that, you know, I’m thinking the same thing as like, okay, she totally doesn’t get me even though I know you. And I know you do. Can you help our listeners, like get to help our listeners understand like, no, you were at one point, you know, struggling with weight-loss? You were at one point struggling, and what was that struggle like for you?

Right, right. Well, the biggest thing for me that that changed me, and opened my eyes to a whole different world, was when I became a mom. Every year we get older and our bodies are affected by that. So yeah, you know you can go around and eat pizza and have Friday night pizza every night and it not affect you and then every year that you get a little bit older and we’re fighting collagen elastin muscle, everything catches up to you if you’re not working you know if you’re not building that muscle so and then when you become a mom and you give your body and your soul to another human being for 10 months, we ain’t pregnant for nine months that’s…

I know that’s BS, I don’t know where that came from, except for all give us credit

It’s almost a fricking year. You know, give your body up to another human being. I was not one of those people that like, bounced right back after each of my kids. My first one, I was so young, and I was pretty, you know, lost the fat pretty quick after having her and then the other two just like destroyed me. Yeah. And I quickly realized that like, oh my god, I’m a different beast. I’m a different person. I’m a different human. I have one whole different role, and I can’t expect my body to operate and function as it did before kids. Like, that’s not gonna work, that shits not gonna fly now at all. So, every single way that I did even cardio every way that I did my weights and stuff, like every minute had to count that I was in the gym because I had tiny humans waiting for me, you know, and it wasn’t easy to sneak away. And plus, you know, your hips are different. Your legs are different. Oh my god, your boobs are different, like lunges, and the fat just doesn’t melt off. You have to learn how to have like this loving relationship with your body before it gets it gets fit to you know, yeah, okay. I embrace this. I give you grace. I love you because my god you just created humans. Okay, I’m gonna be patient with you now. Yeah, now I’m gonna let you grow and build and become strong and when you can release that and like let that go and it okay work with me like we got this together mind body and soul. Then the results happen But , it’s not easy. And one thing I think I saw in my siblings, they just kind of like resented everything. And that really started with their mindset to, like, Well, I’m not going to be I’m not gonna do that, you know, I grew up around that I don’t need that in my life now it was almost like they were like, sick of it. And I kind of went back to the roots and was like, well, I kind of worked, you know, having it as the active and daily part of your life. Shit worked. And yeah, if I can learn how to, like, incorporate that into like, everything and not make it like one big extra thing. Like, this is just my way of life instead of like, Oh, God, I gotta go to the gym today. Yeah, it helped. But it did start with my mindset. It definitely started my mindset.

Well, you’re mentioning mindset, what speed bumps come along the way because, you know, I have to admit, there’s no way you know, I’m going to go ahead and you know, just bounce up and it’s like, oh, I’m going to the gym. Yeah, at four o’clock in the morning and then after I’m going to eat care. And broccoli and I’m going to eat salad all day like, hell no, no, I want to go to sleep. I want to go to sleep till about eight, nine o’clock. And when roll out of bed, and I maybe want to check out some birds or look at the sky, maybe but really, I just want to just lay there. And I know with my own fitness journey, I had to squeeze that time in and I love that you said that you know you we have little ones waiting. And so, if I don’t get my ass to the gym at like 430 in the morning, then it’s not going to happen because I’m gonna have that mom guilt. What speed bumps would you say are there for most of us even for you at times.

Like you said 4:30 in the morning like, that does not sound fun to anyone. You know. You wake up and it’s dark and it’s cold. Even in the summertime, it’s dark and cold. Yeah. But fitting it in and making that time and tackling that speed bump and that’s a speed bump that like you have a little bit of time. Over managing your schedule, shifting things around and carving out like those 4:30am workouts, that is something that you have control over. And yeah, you can make it happen. But you have to really want it, you have to want the change. And I think another thing that helps to avoid the speed bump is know that you don’t have to do it every day. Making it like, Okay, I’m doing this Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. And that’s it. So, when money comes around, it’s like, it helps a little bit to be like, Okay, I got this. I’m only getting up today. I don’t have to do this tomorrow. We can do this just today. You know, we got this. And then the next day you enjoy like being like, I don’t have to get up. I don’t have to get up right now. I think it’s what people try and do it every single day. And they do it every single day at a time that they absolutely, absolutely hate. Mm hmm. That reflects in your workout. You know, yeah, you start to like despise it and you Like, I don’t want to go to the gym because you have it associated with shitty times that you’re working out, you know? And a not so good feeling. Yeah. Oh, time is a huge speed bump. So, the more you can work with yourself in that time, the better. So instead of every single morning 4:30am Hey, nobody’s a week, we’re going to do it in the morning. But Thursday, Friday, we’re going to do it at night, you know? Yes. And you can be in a different mind space for that.

And I think it comes to ties in with us wanting things right now. Like, I know, when I started my journey, it was like, Okay, I’m gonna be in a size 210 pounds, you know, by August and I started in, you know, when did I start? Let’s say I started in July. It’s like, dude, that’s impossible. That’s impossible. Because first of all, I love those green enchiladas. Still to this day. Like there’s no way that’s gonna happen. And, and it’s that that instant gratification that we’re looking for, right and we want right now. And when we know when we, when somebody tells us, okay, girl, this is gonna be about a year, you know, or this is gonna be about six to eight months or so many months. It’s like, Oh shit. Yeah, I’m just gonna eat them earrings. And then she loves us right now like, no, hell no. And I think there’s a bit I love I appreciate that you used mindset because I think we screw ourselves every single time in wanting instant results. You know, can you speak to that like one like, we want it like I want it for the rest of my life. Right?

Right. And you know, society screws us. Like, the faster the internet the faster the phones the faster we want that computer to open and load right now. Totally screws us with our fitness too. Because when we’re surrounded with this instant gratification, like right now fast enough, oh my god, my Wi Fi is not working. We expect that same thing to happen with our muscle and our mind and our bodies. So, the world that we live in is it doesn’t help and then hundred That doesn’t help is like the ads and stuff that we see on TV. You know, yes. All these before and after photos flashing on our screen and they’re like, oh my god, six weeks and you know you got fat Suzy here on the left and skinny Suzy here on the right. And you’re like, what I want that. Look at how much smaller that measuring tape is around your waist on the right. And then you buy into that. And then we think like, oh my god, well, I’ve been going at this for five months now. And I’m only down 15 pounds, you know, and 3% body fat and she looks like she’s dropped 35 in six weeks. I’m doing something wrong. Bingo. Yes. So, none of that helps. But the more you can embrace that this is a journey. It’s not a sprint, the more it’s going to help you and your results are going to last forever. I always tell people like when you lose weight fast or even gastric bypass surgery. It’s like you’re cheating and sometimes I say that too. People when I do calls with people to see if they’re a fit for my program, and they don’t like it, but I’m like, you know what get used to me being real with you up front? I mean, think about a doctor, you know, that’s going to go into surgery. Would you want that doctor operating on you who just read the cliff notes? Yeah, we want him to have years of experience on this medical journey of training and working, you know, and know that he’s good. It’s the same thing with your health and fitness. You know, you want to be on this journey for a long time. You want to fail. You want to fail and learn about yourself. You want to have those enchiladas and be like, oh my god, I feel like crap. I’m never doing that again. Look at that last with you. You won’t screw that up again for at least another eight months when you’re running off to the bathroom. You know, yes. with you for a while, but the more we fail and the often the more often we fail, the better results you’re going to get and I know how ridiculous that sounds. But every time we don’t do something, right. We learn from it. And I always tell my So what did you just learn from that though? You know, you had a really terrible week. But what did you learn? Well, I learned I can’t go into my week blind without a schedule laid out because the kids schedules an activity totally took over. Yeah. And I’m like, where was your time carved out for you? Well, it wasn’t. Yeah, you failed hard. And but look what you learned.

Yes. Yes. So, what I’m hearing you say is it’s kind of like, okay, so you took that baby step. Don’t negate that baby step because that baby step was progress.

Right? Exactly. Absolutely. And I think sometimes we just need to shut our brains off to the outside world, with everything being so instant and just know that like, you can’t compare your fitness journey to that. You just can’t and it really frustrates me every time I hear someone do in this next six-week boot camp, you know, $500 you’re going to lose 30 pounds and if you do it, you get your money back and I literally feel like I do can’t clean up. Like Yeah, I’ve caught myself. Hey, I’m the coach of Camp cleanup here. Welcome. We did the challenge in six weeks and you lost 30 pounds. And let me guess you gained it all back plus five pounds and you didn’t learn a thing? Yeah, yeah. So be patient with yourself learn to know what works with you calorie wise. That’s collecting data. No one wants to hear that no one wants to hear the secret magic sauce is counting your fricking calories.

Know what’s going in. So, you mean to tell me we can still eat whatever we want, as long as we stay within the calories because I know that’s what my listeners are saying in their heads right now. It’s like, oh, wait a minute. There’s a loophole. We’re looking for any loophole? Melissa, I’m gonna tell you right now I’m looking for any loophole.

I know. You know, the answer to that is yes. And the answer to that is no, because there’s still a quality of food there. Right. So, like, if we eat a doughnut that is in a donut is not 100 60 calories by any means is more. So, a lot more fun. Let’s just say we got a doughnut for 160 calories. And then we have next to a bowl oatmeal for 160 calories, right? Yeah, the quality of the food is definitely greater with the oatmeal, you’re going to get more benefits, you’re not going to crash. It’s not all that sugar, and that’s going to fuel you longer. When you have more fuel in your body, and it’s lasting longer, you’re going to be more productive, you’re going to feel amazing, but it’s the same calories. So, you have to look at the value of the food as well. You know, however, the answer to that is yes as well because your body functions off of calories in versus calories being burned. What versus out. So, at the end of the day, you know, if you told up your calories and you’re doing good and you have 160 left and you’re like kind of want that doughnut, go for it, it’s balanced and you had a really good day and there’s still money left there to be spent and you find balance now, if you are naughty all day. And you don’t have any money left in your wallet and you don’t have any cash to spend. You blew it. Don’t have that donut. Yes, it’s not in there. Maybe tomorrow you know try again tomorrow. So, everyone wants to know like, oh what should my macros beer I just need to eat this diet plan, you know, and then the weight will come off. That really you guys that’s just a fancy way of saying know your caloric intake. You know, and right now with a lot of people not moving you know everything going on in society and stuff. People need to really pay attention, what’s going in, because you can’t get out and move we can’t go to the gym right now we can’t. Our activity levels definitely less we’re inside of our home. So, you don’t want to put out a ton of massive weight. start paying attention your calories, eat foods that have a higher nutritional value and you can eat a lot more of and still feel full but not below. You know all your money on in one sitting

I appreciate that you said that because I think we go into feeling trapped. You know, I felt trapped. Yeah. Oh crap. Now I have to watch my, my calories and I have to work out and it’s all of these things. And you know, some of the things I don’t quite understand, you know how bad is I remember there was a time in my life where I’m like, well into others are homemade. Well, yeah, they’re healthy because somebody you know, it’s better than me going out to a restaurant. Like, okay, it was totally justified. Totally, 100%, totally.

My mom made it. My mom made it with love. No. And then I could add that big old dollop of, of sour cream. And if you’re Mexican, for those of you that don’t know, you’re Mexican, you put milk in sour cream and add salt, because it makes it creamier and right you get to pour it and so yeah, that big ass dollop of sour cream. Well, I mean, it’s from my mom’s kitchen so it’s healthy. And I remember staying in that mindset. Well, as long as it’s home cooked, it’s healthy. And so, the minute I heard, I remember you and I talked about this, because if you guys don’t know, not only is most of my friend, she’s also my trainer. The minute I heard you try to take those things away from me, in my mind, I’m thinking she’s trying to take these things away from me. I ended up getting so scared. And it was like, Oh, well, I’m going to binge on everything before she takes everything away. And I think, I think working with you, you know, through this process, I’ve developed this. I’ve developed this the shift in my mindset, or it’s like, Wait, am I nobody’s taking this away? Why do you go there? Why do you go into somebody’s taking this away? You know, it’s not somebody taking food away from you. It’s somebody teaching you something different. You know, and I love that you said, look at the food, you know, yeah, you can eat a doughnut. You can eat oatmeal, which one’s gonna provide you with more energy, which one is going to provide you with, you know, this ability to function throughout the day I eat a doughnut. I’m gonna be asleep. like five minutes, right, right. Yeah. And so, we’re gonna say something

well I just think to what you were saying with the food and like getting scared and like oh my god she’s taking off Yeah, I can never have pizza again. Like I would die. People think the same thing to with their workouts when they start with a trainer or online program and they’re like, oh my god, I have to work out every single day now. Like, I don’t have time for this. How am I ever gonna fit this in? Like I already have kids and I work in my husband in sports, and they start digging their hole. And I haven’t even handed them a shovel yet. I’m like, what do I do with this yourself? You’re literally doing it with your hands. I haven’t even given you an hour and that prevents people from even taking a step forward. Yes, sir. You said that. It leads us in it. It stops them from even making progress with just their food or even picking up the phone to call me and I’m like, you don’t have to work out every day. You don’t have to stop eating that food, you know, but we think being on a diet means eating carrots all day. And you know, getting in shape means we have to work out every single day. You don’t. You don’t, it’s okay. Chill out.

Chill out. Um, one thing I want to ask you is another thing that I think you know, having you on the show is helpful to the listeners. Because you’re so straight up. I wanted to ask, what are trainers not telling us? Mm hmm. Right? Like, what are trainers not telling us because I feel like, you know, okay, we hire a trainer. And it’s like, this is when it’s real deal. Like it was going down. We’re going to do it because we actually are investing, you know, money into a personal trainer. And so, I’m ready. I’m really, really ready. But do I trust my trainer? 100% What are they not telling me?

Right? It’s funny. One of the first things that I tell you and we are We already talked about the failure right and like how you’re going to fail. And that’s one thing That, you know, beachbody.com on your TV screen, you know that guy and get to look at you and be like, bitch, you’re gonna fail. I’m gonna see you show up in front of this TV for the next, you know, week and then I get to see you again for two weeks, you know, like, they’re not telling you that. And one thing when someone walks into my door for the first time, and we’re training or like a new person’s joining my program, I tell them straight up and they look like a deer in headlights. It’s hilarious, and I’m like, you’re gonna fail. Like, this isn’t going to be easy. And they’re like, what? Yeah, so that’s one thing. traders are not telling you that you’re gonna fail. I do. I will, because I’ve been there. I’ve been on the struggle bus before. And it’s hard. This is hard. And it’s easy. And if it was easy, everyone would be walking around in a bikini with a six pack. Yeah, and naked, naked.

We just be naked all the time. Oh, yeah. You know, we already have fear controlling us, right? We already have that fear factor going in. And then to know that it’s going to be hard. Like, it’s a lot for people. It’s a lot for people. And one thing that people, trainers are going to tell you is that you’re going to need support. No are going to need accountability and support because it’s really hard to do on your own. You already have fear coming into your head, you know, things are gonna be taken away with you. You have to work out massively CIT, she just told me I’m gonna fucking fail. Like, that’s awesome. Tell me This is gonna be hard. Oh my God, this sounds like so much fun. What did I sign up for? But when you can be on this journey with other people, when you can be on this journey with someone that you trust and know that like, hey, it’s gonna be hard, but whenever I need it, I can reach out and there’s going to be a hand to just tell me like, you can do this. You can do this. You can get through the hard part. That gives people just a sense of relief, you know? Yeah. And that’s one of the reasons why I designed my program the way I train now with a whole community around people because we need to vent. You know, women thrive and tribes. Yes, we just do. It’s how we function. I mean, we don’t do anything alone in society, right? We always raise our kids alone. They go to school, they have sports, we have family, we have cousins, we have aunts and grandmas, uncles. We don’t do anything alone. Why in the world do we think that we should do fitness alone? Yeah, you know, it’s hard. And I know a lot of people have like their boyfriends or their husbands and they’re like, he’s trying to help me and I have him he’s gonna help me. But honestly, like, do you really want your husband in that role of saying, hey, you need to get up and go to the gym. Oh, my God. I’m punching him in his throat.

We don’t want to do that your relationship. That’s a whole other podcast. Know how to do this relationship but, you know, knowing that you have that support around you, and you’re going to need that support around you. That’s huge. And a lot of trainers in the gym, you know, their job is to kick your ass for the next 3060 minutes, 45 minutes, however long your session is, and then you go on your merry way. They’re there to help you the other 23 hours of the day. Yes. And we need that we need that help on a Sunday afternoon. When it’s like oh my God, my whole family’s over there’s chips and salsa, guacamole like everywhere. Like, I need support help right now. And that’s why I built my community the way I did because during that time, someone’s going to be there to help you and be like, back away from the chips. Yeah, you know, step away. Don’t touch the guacamole.

That’s right. Go use cucumbers to dip now like alternative. But they’re not going to tell you that people don’t want to tell you. Hey, I’m not enough. I mean, have you ever heard her tell you like just letting you know you You’re gonna pay me all this money, but I’m still not enough.

Yes, yes. I love that you just said that. I love that. I love that you said, I’m not enough, you actually need more. I also appreciate that you said, you know, it’s gonna get worse before it gets better. And, you know, that’s something that drains true in, you know, in session with my private practice clients. That’s true in in coaching you know the women in the VIP group, you know, it’s the same thing it has to get worse before it gets better. Otherwise, you’re not going to be able to identify what’s kept you stuck, you’re not going to be able to go in and truly experience that transformation because if it’s just all nice, hunky dory, you know, glitter and rainbows. Well, yeah, you’re gonna, you’re gonna, you’re gonna stay stagnant and you’re gonna stay stagnant because this is comfortable. It’s when we get uncomfortable, right, that true change happen. So, I love that you said that.

Yep. Yep. It’s an important and it’s I think the more People get with trainers get with their clients. And people get honest with themselves, they’re gonna get results even faster. You know, it’s just going to benefit everyone if we just keep it real and honest and know that like it’s gonna be hard. And then and then you’re not like so shocked when it is hard. You know? Okay, I remember Veronica prepared me for this. Okay? prepared me for this. Okay. Okay, this is normal. This is good. Yes. No, but this is normal. I cry. I want to cry and go in fetal position, but I’m not normal.

Totally normal. I’m fine. Everything’s fine. She says it happens.

Um, another question I wanted to ask. So, you know, you talk about this community. You talk about this level of support, like right away. Well, I’m already signed up, but right away, it’s like, like, well, I’m good. But for the listeners, you know, how do they How do they hire a trainer? Do they have to hire a trainer? That’s like physically They’re or can they go virtual? And what do we look for in hiring a trainer? You know, we have all these steps on hiring other people maybe hiring you know somebody to work on our car, you know, somebody work on our house, we do all these estimates and ask all these questions, but what questions should we be asking a trainer? And how do we know if a trainer is the right fit for us?

Right? Let’s Yeah, let’s talk about in person first, right? Because we’re gonna have in person trainers, it’s just gonna happen. I want everyone to work with me virtually, but we’re gonna have in person trainers. And the answer is yes, you do want to have someone especially if you’re a baby and you like don’t know anything about lifting at all. Usually, when you join a gym, you get like three free sessions with the trainer. Use them. Take advantage of it. Make sure you go through every move you could possibly go through, go have a session with them and like say, Okay, I need to know how to squat I need to know how to learn I need to know how to deadlift set up your phone and video your session. But you know, put your water on the floor, prop up your phone and video your session with him. So, you can see how you’re supposed to squat. All right, I love that I use those free sessions and you know, if you have to buy one or two more, like do it. You don’t have to hire him all the time, though. You don’t have to buy the 25-package session.

Wait a minute, what?

Yeah no, here’s why people become very dependent on their trainer. Yes, very dependent, which you probably see in therapy too. Like you gotta [inaudible] along. Yeah. Same thing happens with training. People get into this mindset of like, “Oh, well, my trainer cancelled or I have to take Jimmy to the doctor today so I can’t make my session, so I can’t work out.” We think we can only work out then. With that trainer. They’re holding our hand and it’s a very dangerous area to get into. Once again, things a trainer is not going to tell you hey, you’re gonna spend it on me. It’s gonna be awesome.

And I’m gonna let you because you’re just gonna give me that money.

Yeah, I’m gonna take in your money and the gyms gonna love it and you’re gonna buy more and more sessions, it’s gonna be great. So, use them, learn from them, but do not become dependent on them. Because you’re gonna cancel they’re gonna cancel. Maybe the relationship gets weird. Yeah, I don’t know anything could happen. But just know that like, you can work out on your own. So, use a maybe, maybe do like get a for package session and trade with them once a month, check up on my form, and then trade the rest of the time on your own. You know, like checking sessions. Yes, you guys to that. But personal training is very personal. I tell my clients all the time, like, I’m gonna get to know your body better than you do. Better than your significant other. I know it sounds fricking weird, but I do, like I’m looking at your knees, and your ankles, and how your hips line up, and how you extended, what side you’re better on than the other, and I get to know your body very well. When you have that relationship with someone in a weight room and you’re sweating and huffing and puffing, you got to know that your personalities click. You cannot get a trainer where you’re going in your head the whole time, “Shut the fuck up, shut the fuck up.” You know, like your nails are like on chalkboard every time they speak to you, because you’re going to resent them, and now look, now we’re having resentful feelings associated with fitness.

I’m sorry, I’m laughing because I made the wrong move in hiring my husband as my trainer because he has a great body knows how to work out, does all the things, and that’s exactly what I was saying. But I wasn’t saying it underneath my breath, I’ll say it out loud, “Try me, try me, let’s see how lucky you get tonight. Keep going. Keep going. Tell me to do another burpee.”

I dare you. I dare you. That’s hilarious. When you’re interviewing your trainer, and you should interview your trainer in person, you gotta make sure you have the right vibe. You know, you gotta make sure that they’re not rubbing you the wrong way. And if they are during the first session, like, there’s so many more fish in the sea, so your personalities have to click. And another thing that a trainer is not going to tell you, because that’s just the theme of this episode, um, you gotta like their body. Okay?

Oh, yes. Okay.

Do you want to be following someone and taking their example, you know, have them lead you by example and stuff and like, you’ve never seen their abs or you’re like, you’re kind of pudgy, like, I don’t know. You really do have to look up to their body. Their body really should be body goals to you. Because if not, there’s always going to be that doubt in the back of your mind going, “Do you really know what you’re talking about?” Like, I don’t see your six pack like, you know, and they’re gonna be like, 10 more you can do it. You’re gonna be going, “Shut the fuck up, you don’t even have a nice ass. So why are you telling me to do 10 more? Like, you don’t know what you’re doing.”

Yeah, join me.

I’ve seen it, and I hear people talk, and I get I do the cleanup. I get the clients that used to work with the trainer like that. And that’s how I know all this stuff because I’ve heard it over the last 20 years. They’re like, “Well I didn’t even like their body and they’re telling me what to do.” And I’m like, “Yeah, I know you had this underlying resentment.” And so, then it’s like, you don’t even push as hard. You’re like, I’m not even working as hard as I can. Because like, you don’t fully trust them. And if you don’t fully trust your trainer to lead you in the right direction, you’re not going to give your all, you’re not going to allow yourself to give your all you know, and the results aren’t going to follow. So, lots of things. It’s okay to be like, “Hey, can I see your abs dude, before you train me? Can I see your abs just real quick? Just real quick.”

Like red light, green light, red light, green light.

Exactly. You know, and typically, it doesn’t have to be this way, but typically, women do better with women trainers. It’s not to say that you can’t have a male trainer if you’re a female, but just know like, you’re going to be sticking your butt out. , I literally will grab my client’s inner thigh, so they can feel when they’re doing a wide squat. Like, this is the muscle you’re using, pull it. Do you feel it? And their like, “Oh my God, yeah, I didn’t know that.” Or, there are certain moves that like, for a female, pulls at our vagina. A male’s not going to know that and be like, dude, if you’re feeling it up there, you’re doing it wrong. So, doesn’t have to be that way, I know a lot of great partnerships between male and female. But just tuck that away in the back of your mind. Virtual training, though, is honestly the new way to go. We don’t have time to make appointments with clients all the time, you know, and we don’t want that dependent relationship. And that’s why I went online, is because I only have so many hours in the day, I can only take so many clients, right? And then it was like “Sorry, I gotta turn you away because I don’t have room for you,” and that like sucks. That’s so not fair. So, my whole program is online. I become clients’ virtual personal trainer. And when you’re looking for a program like that, you want to make sure that you have support at all times, you have a community of support around you. Because you are doing this technically, like, on your own, you know what I mean? You don’t have anyone like right in your face. So, you want to have that extra support, that extra community, everything around you that you’re going to need. You want to know that you can get in contact with your coach. Like, I’ve had so many women sign up for virtual programs, and they’ve never even talked to the person that’s like running it. They talked to the assistant or they like they only get like this email video to them. I make myself accessible to my clients. Yeah. And every single person, before they come in the group, I talk with them. So, even if we don’t talk on the phone for another six months, like at least we had that initial one, and then you’re going to see me live, you know, in the group and on your videos and stuff. So, you want to make sure you have that support. You want to make sure that your coach is actually a real person. She has real results, he or she. And then the last one, you want to make sure that your program is something that you can access anywhere and it’s easy to follow like, do you have examples of how to do a move properly? If you get stuck, is there someone that’s going to help you? If you need to modify things, is there someone that’s going to help you? All these things are really, really important in a virtual program. And a lot of clients, or a lot of trainers now, things that they’re not going to tell you, is all of this has to come together. Because so many people, that are virtual training now is them giving you a six-week workout program booklet to follow, and here’s your meal plan. And that’s their virtual program. And I’m here to tell you, that’s not all you need. You can Google a workout program to follow, right now Google it, I dare you, you know, like, hey, I need to get ripped in six weeks, give me a program, boom, you’ll find 30 of them. Yeah, that’s not all that people need. People need that accountability. They need to know that when they check in for their workout, someone’s checking that and they’re showing up for it. Otherwise, we won’t do it. Especially virtually, you know. we don’t have that while eating.

[VERONICA]: Yeah, I’m gonna say I’m doing it while eating a donut. Totally did it.

Yeah, you know, and we do a lot of before and after photos, and your stats, and like, if you say you’re showing up and you’re cheating the system, your photos aren’t gonna lie. Yeah, you know, your weigh ins aren’t gonna lie. So that’s why there’s so many different tools that should be coming into an online program. It’s not just one thing. It’s not just taking your weight and doing a workout. There’s the accountability, there’s the group, there’s the support, there’s the virtual training, there’s the right workouts, there’s the right nutritional coaching. Everything has to come together in order to have a successful online program that’s going to get your clients in Japan, Australia, Michigan, California, they’re all gonna get results.

I love that and that’s all through Busy to Bomb Fit Mom.

busytobombfitmom.com. That’s right.

Heck yeah. Okay, so, for the ladies, because I’m pretty sure you got us all excited. Where can I find her? What can I do? How can I work with her like, that’s it, I’m flying to Cali and I’m going to be in her gym. Like, what does this look like, how do we get ahold of you?

Yes, well, most people start off with just following me on Instagram and social media. And that’s Melissa Vogel Fitness. And then you can also find me and apply to work with my program and I say “Apply” because you have to be a right fit to be in my program. You definitely have to be the right fit. And that’s easy, go to busytobombfitmom.com. But everything else is Melissa Vogel Fitness. You can find me on Instagram, Twitter, most of Google Fit, like I’m everywhere, you could find me. I say to people, always start off on Instagram and watch my stories. I put a lot out there. Make sure you like me. Make sure I’m someone that you’re like, “I like her. Oh my god, I want her in my life.” Because if you watch me and you’re like, “Oh, no,” you don’t want me to be your virtual trainer. You don’t want me to be your coach that and that’s just me keeping it real. You know? So, Busy to Bomb Fit Mom, you got it.

I love it. So, I wanted to also ask something I ask every single guest… What are you doing right now to live the life you want to live?

Oh man, right now is really hard with what we’re doing. Everything going on outside, in society, in the world. I am making sure that I’m still taking care of me. And with all the chaos going on right now, and the kids are home, life can totally take over and one thing that I do every night before I go to bed… I have a notepad next to my bed, on my nightstand, and a book, and I do my gratitude journal. I make myself write at least five entries every day, and that puts me in a state of gratitude. Even if I’m, like, forcing myself to do it and I feel like I don’t have anything to be grateful for. And then, the other thing is I make my list of like what needs to happen tomorrow. Workout needs to happen, laundry needs to happen, whatever, but I make sure at least two of those things on that list are for me. I have to, because if I don’t, it will never happen. So, scheduling and time for me, and setting alarms on my phone, putting the alerts on my phone, putting in my calendar, that is helping me stay on track, and honestly like, living my best life. Because, with three kids, the dog, the house, the work the jobs, it can all take me under if I let it. So, if I want to keep living me and doing me, I schedule it in. It’s the biggest piece of advice I could give anyone.

I love that. And that leads me to my second question. What advice would you give to the mom who feels completely stressed and disconnected?

Yes. Oh my god. Find accountability. Absolutely. Find accountability with someone that’s going to help you set your goals, achieve them, and just keep pushing forward. Because, if you don’t, we’ll get on this high kick of like, “I’m gonna do it, I’m gonna do it. I’m so excited.” And that being all shiny, and sparkly, and filled with rainbows, it’s gonna go away. So, who in your life can you help? Hey, even if it’s just for a week? Hold me accountable for a week. Don’t expect your best friend Karen to hold you accountable for six weeks. It’s not her job. But for one week, “Hey Karen, one week, give me a call every day, like make sure I do this. Can you do that? Just seven days Karen, do it.”

Come on, Karen.

That’s all I’m asking from you. Do it, do it. And if you don’t have a Karen in your life, maybe you’re fit for Busy to Bomb Fit Mom. Um, add in yoga once a week to your life. And you guys that does not have to be like you going out and buying $120 yoga mat and like Lululemon leggings. It can literally be you sitting on your bedroom floor and pulling up a YouTube video. And it’s fricking free and just typing in yoga, relaxation, stress-relief, whatever. And just add that to your daily life just one time a week. It will do wonders for you.

I love that. I love that. So, what are you giving us for free? Because I heard that you were gonna give something for free.

You know it. So, you guys are gonna get my 30-day track to a bomb mom body. Okay, this is a 30-day plan that it’s progressive. So, it’s going to start out easy, and it’s going to get a little bit harder, a little bit harder, and by the end of the 30 days, you’re going to notice a difference in your endurance or strength, everything. So, you’re going to be doing some sit ups, some side lying, lunges, some crunches, squats, everything, but it’s progressive. So, if you’re like, “Oh my God, I don’t work out at all,” it’s okay, day one is like literally five. And then day two is maybe one more, and it’s a progressive calendar. But you guys get that. You can do it all in your home. You don’t need any equipment. And this was a little calendar that I created about, probably like nine years ago, that I was like, I just need baby steps and I tracked and logged it all and now it’s something that I’m giving you guys for free.

I love it. And ladies, I’ve checked this calendar out it’s legit, easy to do, challenging, and in addition to that, it helps build up that level of confidence because I feel like if we try to go too hard, you know, all in, like you said earlier, it just doesn’t work. I really appreciate that about your calendars, it takes us from point A to point B, and then those baby steps, getting us to where we want to be and building up that confidence so we could take it to that next level.

Right? Absolutely. That’s important. That’s really important.

Absolutely. Melissa, thank you so much for coming on and just preaching to us all truths about training.

You’re welcome. I love being on, I love talking about this stuff and helping as many people as I can. So, it was a pleasure and honor to be on your show.

Alright, you guys. So, if you’re not following Melissa, get on it right now. Thank you again.

You’re welcome. Bye, guys.

What’s up ladies just want to let you guys know that your ratings and reviews for this podcast are greatly appreciated. If you love this podcast, please go to iTunes right now and rate and review. Thank you guys.

Many women lose their own identity in the shadow of being a mom and a wife. We are a community of women who support each other. We leave perfectionism behind to become empowered and unapologetic. I know you’re ready for the next steps. If you want to become empowered and unapologetic, get my free course, “Unapologetically Me” over at empoweredandunapologetic.com/course.

This podcast is designed to provide accurate and authoritative information in regards to the subject matter covered. This is given with the understanding that neither the host, Practice of the Practice, or the guests, are providing legal, mental health, or other professional information. If you need a professional you should find one.

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I’m Veronica, your new Boss MOM Mentor with no filter and no BS. 

I'm a licensed marriage and family therapist, women’s coach, course creator, and retreat host. Married for OVER 20 years, raising three girls, and the host of the Empowered and Unapologetic podcast. 

Enough about me… 

My jam? Helping high-achieving women thrive both at home and in the hustle of work.

I've been there.

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