At age 5 Mia Hewett experienced her first traumatic event – which she blamed on herself. That day her life changed forever. It was when she realized that she couldn’t trust anyone (not even her father) and that the world was a really scary place. She vowed never to put herself in a position like that again.
This resulted in walls built with glass ceilings and being held back from success in her business and personal life. It was only in her early 40s when Mia finally figured out that trauma was the thing holding her back, stopping her from reaching her potential, and the reason behind the problems she was having in her business.
Mia now is here today to share her story and help you overcome your hurt, so that it doesn’t hold you back in the way it held her back for all those years.
Meet Mia Hewett
Today’s guest, Mia Hewett, is the Founder and CEO of Aligned Intelligence®, the best-selling author of Meant For More, and an expert on the topic of human potential. Mia helps entrepreneurs and aspiring entrepreneurs who know they are “Meant for More” stop secretly struggling and make six and seven-figure leaps in their business using her Aligned Intelligence Method®. This methodology works consistently and predictably to allow her clients the ability to coach themselves through any obstacle, build their dream businesses, and feel fulfilled in their purposes. Mia is passionate about empowering purpose-driven entrepreneurs to live the lives they have always known they were meant to be living.
Read Mia’s book for FREE by using the password “Freebook” on the landing page.
In This Podcast
- What is a traumatic event?
- Vulnerability and freedom
- Tips for success after a traumatic event
What is a traumatic event?
Every single human being has experienced a traumatic event – even those who don’t think that they have.
Not one baby is born with a self-esteem issue. Not one. So there was a harmony to you. You totally trusted yourself. You trusted others and you trusted life. And there was this feeling of complete harmony and connection to everything and everyone. And then something happened. So I see the most amount of traumas around two years old. (Mia)
What is trauma?
The child grows by an emotional bond of trust, and when that bond is broken we experience an emotional trauma. (Mia)
Our subconscious always remembers our emotional trauma, even though we don’t always remember it ourselves. However, it’s a bit like Google, where if we ask our subconscious the right questions, out comes the information.
Trauma affects how we handle experiences. We take on experiences we would normally go into trusting, but in that particular one where there’s been trauma, we get stuck. We then often feel confused, realizing that something is very wrong, we then think that it is all our own fault. This is why it’s considered part of the ‘feeling mind,’ it’s not logical.
When that experience happened it was so traumatic for each one of us that we pulled back within ourselves. We separated from the truth of who we really are. That fullness of who we really are. And then that’s the day that we created our ego. (Mia)
The 2 types of ego involved with trauma:
- Superiority Ego (main type of driver) – rebellious, they’re the challengers (attack)
- Inferiority Ego – avoidance, hold back, hide (withdraw)
These 2 egos are like a survival mechanism and there is no right or wrong one, but it’s important to note that we all have both inside of us.
From the day that our first trauma happens, every negative experience just becomes a bigger deeper version of the same trauma and will continue happening until we heal it. We then come back home to who we were prior to the experience.
That negative voice / inner critic (our ego) is a symptom of the underlying root cause. The cause is emotional. Why we struggle is because prior to the age of 7, we only have the feeling mind (subconscious emotional mind), but then we grow up and mature our logical mind. We know what to do logically, but we just can’t seem to do it emotionally. We move between the two parts and it becomes a vicious feeling, where we get fragmented inside ourselves.
We’re so afraid to be shamed or experience those feelings we felt whenever our first trauma happened, that it becomes what’s running in the back of our minds 24/7. (Mia)
Vulnerability and freedom
I was living my whole life in fear, but then it hit me that we’re all going to die. In the time and space that we’re living in and with this in mind, one has to realize that there is no such thing as living without risk.
The illusion is that you can protect yourself from all this risk, which you can’t. (Mia)
We have to start understanding that because of the trauma, we view vulnerability as something wrong. This is a misconception. We then don’t want to be ‘weak’ again, and this keeps us trapped, because the more we remain behind those walls, the more we imprison ourselves. However, everyone else is not in prison – you are within your own walls.
…in truth, vulnerability is our greatest power. (Mia)
We need to process our own trauma and ask the following:
- What’s the truth?
- What’s the lie?
Once we’ve done that we need to share our stories, thoughts and traumas and break down the walls. For any negative experience to be there it contains a lie, we have to find the lie and realise that it is a lie and not the truth. We have to clear these misunderstandings and misconceptions.
When we process our emotions and our traumas, we get to keep all the strengths and let go of all the weakness from it. (Mia)
To make sense of trauma, we have to take some sort of risk and be vulnerable. With risk involved, how do we take that next step?
You get to choose whether or not to give somebody permission to go ahead and take it over and to live your life for you, or direct you, or control you. Or you get to go out and pull back the reins and say, “no it’s my turn” (Veronica)
What is Freedom?
Freedom is about non-attachment, non-judgment, and non-resistance. Suffering occurs when we want something to be different than how it occurs in reality. The reality is that we are all dying – nobody gets outta here alive, but perception is somehow we can outskirt that.
When we’re at peace with reality, we’re freed from the concern of it, because it’s no longer running in the back of our minds. When we heal from the trauma we then understand how to use our minds as the tools they were designed for.
The mind was never designed to be the master. It was always meant to be the servant. (Mia)
The Universal Law of Plurality states that everything exists in whole, therefore, for ‘up’ to exist, ‘down’ must be believed. Similarly, our mind can build us up, but it can also tear us down. One cannot exist without the other at the same moment in time. For a problem to exist, equally in time a solution must exist too. The key is understanding that both parts exist (acceptance). It’s not about making something wrong, but more about understanding that this is reality.
You can’t focus on the unwanted and get wanted. (Mia)
It doesn’t matter what type of business you’re in, or the vehicle that you’re using to do business. The truth is, everyone in business is in the relationship game. Therefore, we need to understand ourselves first before we can understand the game that we’re in (the relationship game). If we’re holding onto trauma we cannot apply the right kind of strategy and be fully free, which then allows for success.
Tips for success after a traumatic event
- It’s not about how much money you make, it’s about how much you get to keep
- Success without fulfillment is the ultimate failure. I encourage you to start with the life you want to live and then choose the business model (vehicle) that will give it to you
- Stand firm with causes and charities that resonate with you
- Aim high set goals and then work backwards and create ways to reach it from there so that we know exactly what we’re doing and have purpose. Not just dream it, actually do it.
- Use your voice and ask for what you want
- Mia Hewett Website
- Read Mia’s book for FREE by using the password “Freebook”
- Download your FREE workbook HERE – THE 5 MISTAKES TO AVOID FOR A HEALTHY MARRIAGE: TIPS FROM A THERAPIST
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- Join Our Girl Gang
- Empowered And Unapologetic Free Course
Meet Veronica Cisneros
I’m a licensed therapist and women walk into my office every day stressed and disconnected. As a mom of three daughters, I want my girls to know who they are and feel confident about their future. I can’t think of a better way to help other women than by demonstrating an empowered and unapologetic life.
So I started Empowered and Unapologetic to be a safe space for women to be vulnerable and change their lives for the better before she ever needs to see a therapist.
Thanks for listening!
The key is understanding both parts exist, but because I no longer operate from my ego, I don’t have a negative voice that runs in my head all day long anymore. And if somebody would have told me that years ago, I would have thought they were crazy probably, but —
Hey girl, imagine a life where you feel supported, connected and understood. I get it. Being a mom is hard, especially when you’re spinning so many plates. We exhaust ourselves trying to create the perfect life for our family. You deserve to enjoy your family without the stress perfectionism brings. On this podcast, I provide practical and relatable life experiences. I teach women quick and easy to use strategies to help them reclaim their identity, re-ignite their marriage and enjoy their children. If you’re ready to be challenged then pull up a chair, grab a pen and paper because it’s about to go down. I’m Veronica Cisneros, a licensed marriage and family therapist and this is the Empowered and Unapologetic podcast.
Hey ladies, welcome to Empowered and Unapologetic. I’m your host, Veronica Cisneros. Today’s guest is a complete badass. She is the founder and CEO of Aligned Intelligence, the best selling author of Meant for More, and an expert on the topic of human potential. Mia helps entrepreneurs and aspiring entrepreneurs who know they are meant for more stop secretly struggling and make six and seven figure leaps in their business using her aligned intelligence method. This methodology works consistently and predictably to allow her client’s ability to coach themselves through any obstacles, build their dream businesses and feel fulfilled in their purposes. Mia is passionate about empowering purpose-driven entrepreneurs to live the lives they have always known they were meant to be living. Welcome to the show Mia Hewett. Hey Mia.
Hey, thank you so much. Thanks for that introduction.
It’s a mouthful, but thank you so much. That’s fun. Yes, we’re going to have fun.
We’re definitely going to have fun today. So can you please share with us your story?
Yes, absolutely. Oh, let’s see. I think the most important piece that anyone would want to know about me is that when I was about five years old, I was playing in my room. I remember hearing my father calling me and I could tell by the sound of his voice, that he meant business, of all the people that I was afraid of in my house, my father was the one who scared me the most, because I could never really tell what was going to set him off. One minute he could be like the most gregarious, funny, an entertaining guy and then the next minute it’s like, literally something would go off and then somebody is going to get hurt. And I just always remember feeling like I had to walk around on eggshells.
So I remember that day, he said to me, “I want us to go outside.” And I was like, “Well, why? Why me?” Like I wasn’t his favorite. I was like the second to the oldest. My older sister was like the boy he never had. She was braver and did more adventurous things and I wasn’t. So I was like, why? And I remember him saying, “I would just want to spend time together.” So we went outside and he says to me, “Which one is your favorite chicken?” And I’m like, “Oh,” like, that was easy because I absolutely loved this one. I called her Henny penny and I every time I came outside, she always wanted to see what I was up to and always going and got her worms. Anyway, I remember saying, “Well, that’s easy. That one.” And with complete neutrality, he says, I hear him say, “Great. That’s the one we’re going to kill today.”
And I remember like freezing completely going into like overwhelmed. Like I remember I didn’t remember what was happening. My whole brain kind of shut down and I was so confused, extremely confused. And I remember hearing a scream and then realizing, oh my God, that’s me and then I remember feeling like I had done something so horrible, like this is all my fault. My mind froze, I went blank, and then that day, my life changed forever. Like that was the day that I decided people don’t really mean what they say. You can’t really trust anyone, not even your own father. And the world, well, the world is a really scary place. And so the interesting thing is at five years old, like, I didn’t realize —
I’m still processing what you just shared by the way. I’m like, “Oh my God.”
Yes. Thank you. And so, yes, I didn’t realize though, at five years old that though, I made a vow to myself that I would never let that happen to me again. And I didn’t realize that those decisions is inside of me building up walls around myself, not letting anyone in for like years or even decades really. I just never knew back then that the walls that I built would become my greatest limitations or glass ceilings for myself and my business. Does that makes sense?
Oh God, hell yes. It makes total sense. Absolutely.
Yes. So like that is like the biggest thing that I love to share because in my thirties and in my forties, because it was like early forties when I finally figured this out, but like my twenties and thirties, late thirties, during that time, I never understood all the problems that I was having in my business were associated to this original trauma. It was, the thing that I want to give the world the most, now that I understand all of it, I understand everything, I want, I really want to give them the most. Is that every single human being has experienced a trauma. And so even people who don’t think they have one, and I’ll just share why like how it is. So basically how a trauma happens, and this is what people don’t understand. I went to years of therapy. They never could help me. I’ve spent half a million on my own inside of personal development, working with the best and the best. They didn’t understand it.
So I was shocked when the top and the top doesn’t even get it. I was like, what? But it took that for me to go. I cannot be the anomaly. There’s no way. I’m not that special. There’s got to be other people like me that struggle. Well, here’s what I found. It took me six years. So what I can help somebody overcome in eight weeks, it took me six years to uncover. Here’s what it is in a nutshell. When we’re born, and I know this is audio, but I’m still going to do it because I’m a visual person. So I’ll speak it inside of even though it’s audio. But basically what happens is, so this is our lifeline. We’re all born and we’re born whole perfect and complete. Not one baby is born with a self-esteem issue, not one.
Nope, not at all.
So there was a harmony to you. You totally trusted yourself. You trusted others and you trusted life. And there was this feeling of complete harmony and connection to everything and everyone and then something happened. So I see the most amount of traumas around two years old. Sometimes I’ve gotten a couple of 15 months old, but, and these are people who didn’t remember. So when I show you how to find it, the cool thing about the subconscious, it always remembers, we just have to like Google. We just got to ask it the right question and up comes the information. Even I never used to remember my childhood either. Because we want to forget the things that were so painful.
So it’s okay if you don’t even remember. You’ll still remember when you ask it the right questions, because it’s the way that we’re designed. So what happens is the child grows by an emotional bond of trust. And when that bond is broken, we experience an emotional trauma. So all it takes is that emotional bond of trust to be broken. That’s why I say every single human being has experienced a trauma. What happens is we went into an experience and where before we would normally go through that experience and just feel whole perfect and complete like always, so this time we went through it, but we didn’t, we got stopped. Every single one, they will tell me like, when I ask them questions there, they will remember feeling confused, like something is really wrong. They made it all their fault. Whatever happened, they didn’t go, “Oh, mom and dad are just having a bad day or parent or teacher.” No, they said, “It’s me. There must be something wrong with me.”
So this is going to sound too strong of a word, but you have to feel it because it’s more of a feeling because we only had a subconscious mind when this happened. So this was all in the feeling mind. It’s not logical. But what happened that day, when that experience happened, it was so traumatic for each one of us that we pulled back within ourselves. We separated from the truth of who we really are, that fullness of who we really are. And then that’s the day we created our ego. Okay, and then from that day forward, so there’s two types of ego, we all have both inside of us, but there’s one that is the main driver. So for instance, the superiority ego is one who’s like, “I’m going to prove it.” They’re the rebels. “I’m going to prove to you. I’m going to do —”
So they’re more like, “Oh yes, you tell me I can’t do that.” So there’s that part that is like, “I’m going to show you, I’m going to prove you,” kind of thing, but then there’s the inferiority ego, which is the one that wants to hide, avoid not be like pull back inside of that way. So there’s the I’m going to attack or I’m going to hide and not be seen withdraw. Not one right, one wrong. This is not morality. This is just, those are two ways of surviving your life. Well, my older sister already had the superiority ego one. She might kill me if I would’ve taken that one. So of course I took the inferiority ego. It’s like, I’ll just hide. I’ll just pull back. So here’s what happens then. From that day forward, every negative experience we’ve had just becomes a deeper, bigger version of the same trauma.
It will keep happening over and over again until we heal it. And when we heal it, we then start operating from wholeness or like another way of saying it, we kind of go back home to who we were prior to the experience happening. The reason why people can’t find this, like therapists they keep looking forward in the mind and that negative voice that we have, that inner critic, that’s actually the ego there to protect us. So it’s really just doing his job, but it’s just a symptom of the underlying root cause. So the cause is emotional. So here’s what I wish somebody would’ve told me a long time ago. It would’ve saved me years of like, not understanding this, but this is what happens to every single person.
So what happens, why we struggle is because prior to the age of seven, we only had this subconscious emotional mind. It’s a feeling mind. As we start getting older, we get the more logical minds. So we end up looping self-sabotaging between the emotional feeling mind and the logical mind. And so now what happens to all of my people and all your people say the same thing. I know what to do logically. I just can’t seem to do it emotionally. So we loop between the two types of minds, that two parts of ourselves. And so it kind of becomes this vicious feeling that, and you have to feel it from inside, we get fragmented in this inner conflict within ourselves, where there is a part of us, the logical part that says, “I want to show up, I want to be seen,” but then the emotional side of ourselves in that feeling mind is like, but please don’t see me ,because if you see me, you’re going to see what’s really wrong with me. So I can’t really be seen.
So we struggle between the two parts. See me, don’t see me. See me, don’t see me. And this is the reason why people are afraid of public speaking and this is a reason why people are afraid of people’s judgments and opinions. And that’s why we’re afraid of like using our voice and speaking of what we see. We’re so afraid to be shamed or experience those feelings we felt whenever our first trauma happened, that it becomes what’s running in the background of our mind 24/7. Does that make sense?
Well, yes. No, I agree a hundred percent, especially if you haven’t tapped into it or processed it or even know how to. We tend to go ahead and whatever we experienced that was traumatic we shelf it. We do everything we can to protect it. You know, anything else that comes in later on in life, it’s a trigger, it’s an automatic trigger.
And so yes, that wall’s built up and we keep it there because it provides us with this false sense of security.
That’s exactly right. And is why, I just didn’t understand why. It’s like now when everything starts to make sense, that we can connect the dots, which allows us then to process through it and free ourselves from it. Because the goal is then to bring that emotional side of ourselves that went out of alignment that day and bring it back into alignment in wholeness with the truth of who we really are so that we can operate from wholeness. A lot of times I think the biggest confusion is or some of the biggest confusion, you know Ryan Holiday wrote a book called the Ego is the Enemy. Although I understand why he said that, it really isn’t the enemy, when we can see that we actually created the ego as a way to survive something. So it’s actually our best friend. Like if we can see it for what it was, which is an idea that got planted into our mind, by us, by thinking it was our fault, and then we forgot, we implanted it. Kind of like the movie Inception.
That’s like Leo says that in the beginning of the movies, like if you haven’t seen a movie, such a great movie with Leonardo DiCaprio and he’s like, and he says that because he said, “What’s the most deadliest thing to man? It’s not disease.” He says, it’s an idea implanted into their mind and not realizing they’re the ones who implanted it. It’s an inception.
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Well. So all of that requires some form for us to go ahead and dig deep, for us to go ahead and process through it, understand and makes sense of it.
We have to take some form of risk and we have to be vulnerable. And so when we have that big old wall up and we don’t allow anybody in and it feels comfortable, however, we also stay stagnant. So with risk involved, how, how do we kind of take that next step?
Sure. And I love that question. So first of all, it’s a brilliant question. The first thing that I want to say, and I’m going to answer the question, but the first thing I want to say is our birth puts us automatically at risk of dying. We are not going to die. We are dying. Like the fact that we were born, we’re going to die. Like nobody gets out of here alive. So the funniest thing to me, I just have to say this ahead of time, because it’s like so funny to me, when I got this, like really got it in my body. The funniest thing to me was I was living my whole life in fear of, “What everybody’s going to die?” It was just the funniest thing when I really got this, that nobody gets out of here alive. And I was thinking, but why do we act like there’s this weird thing? Like, we’re supposed to be afraid that we’re going to die when everybody dies.
So I have to say this because the truth is there is no such thing, with this life in the time-space that we live in, this reality, there is no such thing as living without risk. Like everything, like we’re all going to die. And so it’s like, there is no, so I just have to say that because the illusion is that you can protect yourself from a risk. The truth is you can’t, but what you can do as far as like, in the sense of making good decisions and reducing, like, you know having the odds be in your favor and all this other kind of stuff, and so I am going to answer the question, but I have to say that because it’s like the funniest thing to me. We have to start with first understanding that because of the trauma, we view vulnerability as something is wrong. Like for us to be vulnerable, and this comes from the trauma.
I made a decision, like I am never going to let that happen to me again and that decision was like, it’s don’t be vulnerable. Like don’t ever let somebody do this. So that right there, that prison there, that decision, and so the illusion was, or the misunderstanding or the misconception that I had at five or four, I think it was around between four and five is that vulnerability is a weakness when in truth, vulnerability is our greatest power.
A hundred percent.
Yes. Let me explain that. So for instance, the reason that trauma stayed a trauma is because I didn’t know how to give it a voice of what I was feeling and my emotions and say what I was feeling and process through my emotions to come to harmony inside, like, come back into wholeness. That’s why it stayed a trauma. I would have loved to have parents who knew how to process their own emotions. Now in hindsight, the interesting thing and I have no more anger or anything like that with my father, like he died by now, but before he died, we completely made peace with this, but the fascinating thing was, he actually thought it would toughen me up. Like he actually thought he was, helping me. You can understand that. My dad was Latin. My dad was from Venezuela and he grew up where like when, the way that you overcome things is, you know if you’re afraid of swimming, they just throw you in the river.
Now you can swim. You’re good.
You figure it out. Yes, exactly. So in hindsight, I’m just sharing because now it’s all fun. I’m still a vegetarian to this day, but that never changed. But I’m definitely forgiving and I’m not, I used to cook meat for my family and everything. So I’m not like against any of that. I just want to say, but my point is that yes, like the misunderstanding and the misconception I had is that that was a weakness. So I vowed never to be weak again, which then only keeps me more trapped, because the more you are like inside of those walls, the more you imprison yourself. Everybody else is not in prison. You are.
Yes. So that’s the big thing there. Like, we have to really clear the misunderstanding of what are we making vulnerability mean? What’s the truth and what’s the lie, asking ourselves, what’s the truth and what’s the lie? Getting to the truth of what it is. Like, the reason I’m so successful is because everything that I would be afraid of or ashamed of I’ve actually shared. So I don’t have any walls because I’ve already told everybody everything. I’ve already shared it. I mean, I remember, I grew up poor and I built two multi-million dollar companies and so forth. And I remember when, before all this happened, like, I remember as a teenager, I remember sharing about, I don’t know, four or five years ago, a story of, I worked for a guy and I remember taking some clothes from the store I worked in like and did I had ever done that before? No, but I remember in the store, they let me wear these clothes during the store because my clothes were crap.
I grew up poor. And so they let me use the clothes while I was in the store selling them and then they would give me all this praise of like, “Oh my God, you look so pretty like that.” I was like, “Oh, I don’t want to go back to my old crappy clothes.” And I remember one time, the manager had to leave early and everything and I was like, “Oh, I just remember.” I’m like, “I’m just going to borrow this. I’m going to wear it to school.” I was still a teenager at that time and I was like, “I’m going to wear it to school,” because I’ve been working since I was 13 years. And I’m like, “Oh, I’ll just return it when I come back.” So long story short, like I did that, like, I don’t know, two, three times and then the manager I caught, like I came in one time and she was crying and I was like, “What?”
And she’s like, “Somebody stealing clothes and I’m going to lose my job because,” the inventory was on. I didn’t have any idea they did an inventory. This is how clueless I was. Anyway, my point is I totally was like, I never did it again. I never thought it was going to jeopardize any of her career or anything like that. But I shared that because when you share these things, and I made the joke and it’s the truth though, if I ever ran into that guy, I don’t even remember the guy’s name that owned the store, but I would I’m happy to give him his money plus interest. But my point is that when you share those things there is no more walls for anyone to use against you. Like I’ve never said that I’m perfect. I’ve never. It’s really, when we process our emotions and our traumas, we get to keep all the strengths and let go of all the weakness from it.
Yes. Well, it’s healing. I, I think the biggest thing too, with trauma is, what I’ve seen is we tend to go ahead and make it this, we sort of make it this cement or cemented brain, so to speak. But it’s really like, you mentioned this wall, but like, unless you’re able to truly process through it, it stays cemented. And anything that triggers that only goes, it only compiles more and more and more. So you’re living this life with this unhealed trauma and then in addition to that, you’re living completely scared. And I love that you just said like, we’re already, it’s already happening. You know, every single day as we get older it’s one year, not taken away, but it’s one year gone. So we’re moving up that dang ladder whether we like it or not. And so one thing I appreciate about what you’re saying is, listen, we’re already living in it. It’s already happening. So you get to choose whether or not you give somebody permission to go out and take over and live your life for you or direct you or control you or you get to go ahead and pull back the reins and say, “No, it’s my turn.”
That’s right. I mean, it really is. That is it. Like the biggest suffering occurs, so let me just say this freedom happens when we are non-attached, non-judgment and non resistance. Like freedom in reality, freedom is all about non-attachment, non-judgment, non-resistance. So what happens is that the suffering occurs when we want something to be different than reality is right. So reality is we aren’t all dying. Nobody gets out of here alive. That’s reality. The perception is that somehow we can outskirt that. The perception, but when you can really be with a reality, like I’m totally at peace with the fact that I’m going to die. I really changed my relationship to living. It freed me from the concern of it anymore, because it’s no longer running now in the background of my mind. Also, when we heal the trauma and then we understand how to use our minds as the tools they were designed for.
So the mind was never designed to be the master. It was always meant to be the servant. So think of it kind of like a hammer where a hammer can be used to build something up or tear it down. In this time-space reality that we live in, nothing in this universe exists outside of a wholeness, like a circle. So meaning everything exists in whole. So that means for up to exist down was equally exist. For in to exist out must equally exist. So this is the universal law of polarity. So that means for our minds to be something that could build us up, it can also tear us down. One cannot exist without the other, at the same moment in time. Well, guess what? This is the really great news, because that means for a problem to exist, the equal and opposite of a solution must equally exist at the same moment in time.
So for lack to exist, abundance must equally exist at the same moment. The key is understanding that you can’t to alleviate struggle and suffering, you cannot push against the polar opposite and get what you want. So there’s an acceptance that has to happen. Like I don’t need there not to be darkness for there to be light. It’s okay. I don’t need my ego to go, to literally, like, I can’t make the ego wrong in order for me to be my aligned self. The key is understanding both parts exist, but because I no longer operate from my ego, I don’t have a negative voice that runs in my head all day long anymore. And if somebody would have told me that years ago, I would have thought they were crazy probably, but the truth is you, it stops running. So can you see, like, it’s not about making something wrong, but more understanding that that’s actually reality and then the struggle happens when we think it shouldn’t be that way.
Absolutely. All we need. I appreciate what you just said. The struggle is in that suffering, choosing to deny reality over and over. It happened. It already happened. We can’t go back in time and change it. However we get to learn from it. We get to go ahead and find some level of acceptance and we get to move forward.
Yes. And we will always see there’s a misconception and a misunderstanding that happened in the moment. For the trauma to stay a trauma, for any negative experience to be there, it contains a lie. So we have to locate the lie or the misunderstanding or the misconception because that’s what’s keeping it locked into a lie. Like, I didn’t know at that moment that my father thought he was actually helping me. I didn’t know. I didn’t even ask him, I didn’t share a voice. I didn’t. I said nothing. I withdrew inside myself and built those walls and then I never said another thing. And it was never talked through or processed through or anything. So it’s, I didn’t have a voice. I literally shut my voice off.
Before that day I had a voice and then after that day, I decided I was never going to share anything with anybody because I would never tell anyone what I cared about again. And so it’s inside of clearing those misunderstandings and misconceptions that now I’m completely free. I use my voice all the time and have built really successful companies in doing so, because I think like for me, the biggest thing that I see in my direct experience is that what the world as a whole misses inside of business is, it doesn’t matter what business you’re in. I coach people from realtors, to attorneys, to doctors, to people coaches, to people who’ve never done business and just want to start a business. Like those aspiring to be entrepreneurs or those that are.
And it doesn’t matter the vehicle they’re using to do business. The truth is everybody’s in the relationship game. Every single person is in the relationship game. So what I often see is that not only do they don’t understand the two parts of themselves, so that’s why they’re sabotaging their results and so forth, but then because they don’t understand the game that we’re in. Because they may think that they’re in the game of law, but the truth is they’re really in the relationship game and they’re using a vehicle of law in order to funnel that right, as a business. But once you can understand the game you’re really in, and that’s why healing these things are what is so important because it gets in the way of all your relationships. When you do this and you heal this first inside of that, and then you apply strategy to your business, well now you just become unstoppable and unleashed. And that’s really what has given me my incredible freedom to be. So, yes, I’m so glad it makes sense.
I love that. Well, being able to go ahead and find true acceptance, even with things that are completely unacceptable, provides you with the sense of freedom. And I love how you were saying, you know, yes, there’s that polarity happening. However, because of that polarity, we’re able to see like, okay, so if one’s completely, let’s say negative or maybe undesirable, there’s also that desirable there. If you just step back and not get so tangled up in the emotion, you’re able to kind of see that. If one exists, so does the other.
Yes. It’s like, which one do you choose? Which one you’re going to choose? It’s an interesting thing, but it’s proven statistically, like you cannot focus. Let’s just say as an example, drunk drivers, as an example. If you focus on drunk drivers, making them wrong, the interesting thing is it just creates more shame and more people who drive drunk because they’re drinking because of the shame, which is fascinating. Whereas if you, if somebody who had an experience with a drunk driver and wanted to really do good in the world, they would have to actually shift their attention, not someone making drunk driving wrong, but healing the shame that causes people to drink. Do you see what I’m saying? Like the solution to the problem is never about focusing on the problem because in this universe we live in, there’s another universal law that is super powerful, just as powerful gravity.
So really fricking powerful is the universal law of cause and effect. And what that says is that’s why when we focus on something, whatever we focus on, it just gets bigger. It doesn’t get smaller. It will just get bigger by the natural law of cause and effect. So you can’t focus on the unwanted and get wanted. It just defies law. And so you have to understand these things. These are like the things that, and this is why I tell it all in my book. I give you everything that I wish it’s like the manual that, I really wrote the book that I wish somebody had given me when I was, I’ve been working since I was 13 years old. I would have loved this book because I’ve been into self-help since I was really young, since I had to work really, really young. I’ve read tons of books over the years and so I really wish somebody would have given this book to me because it’s really like the manual for life, in the sense of what it does is it just tells you just the truth in a story format of exactly like, because here’s the pieces that you need to really have a really incredible life.
You really need to understand these principles, these truths, that they go beyond religion, beyond culture. They’re true principles like gravity. They just are and this shows you when you understand how life really works, not what you’ve been told life works, but how it really works. And then you know exactly how you work as a human being, like, what are the different components and how do you bring yourself into alignment and what are those pieces? Well, when you know how you work as a human being and you know how the world works as the truth, and now you can get everything to work for you, there’s a better feel like you’re always having it work against you.
Always stuck, always in the handicap. Absolutely. So I want to ask you two questions that I ask everybody. My first question is, what are you doing right now to live the life you want to live?
Oh, I love that question. So I love that question so much because I literally put out a post for like my whole community and so forth about how I start my year, like how my partner and I, what we do. And we literally start with the life we want to live. So to us, and this is to everybody in business, I always say. What I learned from doing my first company, a couple of things I learned, number one is it’s not how much money you make. It’s how much you get to keep. So who cares if you make over a million dollars and you’re paying out $435,000 and inside of 30, 37% to taxes. You got to have the right business model so that you have the highest profit margin possible. So let me just say that because to me, it really is. That’s the bottom line on that one.
The second thing is, as far as success is, success without fulfillment to me is the ultimate failure. So I really, really, really highly encourage people to start with the lifestyle they want to live and then let’s choose the business model that’s going to give you that lifestyle in and use that vehicle that will get you, is going to give it to you, it’s going to give you that. So that being said, what I’m doing to live the most incredible life right now is I actually start with, how great do we want this year to go? Like, I actually start with the things that I crave the most. How much do I want to give to philanthropy this year? I’ve got causes that I really stand for. I believe that everybody should never be without clean water. So I’m a huge supporter of clean water. So I definitely support charity water, and I also support a billion trees. So I’m big for like planting and giving a voice to those that don’t have it and the animals and so forth.
So the two things that I’m really big on. So I started out like, “Okay, how much do I want to be giving them?” So I’m going to start from there and then I’m going to start from, then inside of that, what’s the lifestyle that I just like, oh my God, all the things that I crave. Like I’m going to do an epic trip. I’m inviting, we’re inviting all of our two sides of our family. So it’s a big house that I’m renting in Costa Rica as an epic trip for my entire family and his, my partner’s entire family. We’re doing that. And then we’re going to treat them to surf lessons and zip line and, there was one more, oh, and going to Monkey Beach. So we plan this epic trip. Then once I plan everything that I’m going to do and the life I want to live, if there’s anything else that we want to buy this year, we put it in the mix. Like anything else in investment properties, how much we want to do for that.
Then we come up with the number inside of that. And then we go, okay, now, what is it if, like what would be like, just like, what is our F, like the biggest effin, like number we can come up with that we want to hit. So we hit, like, we go for even bigger than that and then we work backwards. Now we go, okay. So now what would that look like on an actual month basis, on a daily basis, on a day? We chunk it all back down, reverse engineer it and really create from there. So we don’t really come from like, I hope I’m going to hit this. We actually know exactly what we’re doing. So we hit these numbers. But that’s how I feel like, to answer your question. I feel like you got to live from what really lights you up because otherwise what’s the point?
Amen. Yes. A hundred percent. A hundred percent. Yes and we’re not going to just dream it. We’re actually going to do it. I love that. I love it.
If we all are going to die anyway, how do we want to play this game? Why wouldn’t we want to play it to the fullest? Like, why don’t we want to, I don’t, I’m the person that wants to be on my deathbed without one regret, like not one thing that I didn’t do that I wanted to accomplish and the way I wanted to live this life. That is my ultimate goal, to live without any regret and live unabashed.
I love that. That takes me to my last question. So in one sentence, what advice would you give to the mom who feels stressed and disconnected?
Oh, that’s a great one. Well, I would have her do a couple of things. The first thing I would have her do is I would ask her, “What is the stress that’s causing her to feel disconnected,” and then more specifically, when she nails that, what is she making that mean? So give it the meaning, like write it down so she can really see. Oh, I’m making that mean this. Whatever’s causing stress, I’m making that mean this. Okay, great. Now I want her to take that, what she’s making it mean, because that’s really where the struggle is coming from and now I want her to separate this based on what’s the lie and what’s the truth about that meaning. So it’s really pulling out of like herself and looking down and knowing that based on law polarity, both sides exist.
So when she can clarify, oh, well the lie is this piece and the truth is this piece, now, from there, that’s where she’s starting to get to power. She’s not fully there, but she’s getting from neutrality. Now she’s getting access to power. So from that power, she needs to then say, okay, now that she can see the truth in the line, what does she need to accept and maybe forgive? Like there’s maybe some forgiveness of like herself or for some others or whatever she was making it mean, what does she need to accept? What does she need to forgive? And then the last thing would be now, where can she use her voice? Let’s say she was really wanting something and she didn’t feel she deserved it, but she’s not really asking for what it is she wants.
She’s assuming that people should know what she wants. She’s either reacting or hiding and avoiding, but let her have a voice. And if she could ask for what she wants from completely not making anyone wrong, but saying, “Hey, you know what? I really, really want this to happen.” Whatever the thing that she’s so afraid of is not, or what she’s making mean, that couldn’t happen and ask for what she wants. She will find that it’s really in using that voice, the number one, somebody asked me recently, why is it that only 2% of females ever break a million? And I said, well, number one is their trauma and number two, because as a society, as women, we tend to think we have to take care of everyone else. So we’re not great delegators or asking for what we want. So she needs to learn to use that voice of asking. I always say, every woman needs her own wife.
My husband and I were just talking about that. I was like, “Honey, I’m a good wife. However, I’m not cooking. I’m not cleaning. So I need to marry one.”
You need your wife. That’s why I’m saying. My integrator in my company is my wife, my copywriter, my social, like, all my people are my people. And that’s why I do so great is because I asked for what I want and you’ve got to learn to ask what for you want.
Yes. So where can we find you?
Okay. They can grab my book for free. There’s a download link. You can go there. I know you can post it below, but I’ll say anyway. It’s called miameantformorebook.com and then all they have to do is, there’s a password there it’s password protected. They just need to put in Freebook, all one word with a capital F, all one word Freebook, miameantformorebook.com and they can download it for free.
Yay. Thank you so much. And then are you on Instagram, any form of social media?
Oh yes, I’m on both, on Instagram and Facebook. Those are the two that I’m on, I talk the most. And then of course they can always ask me any questions. I’m the one that responds to my emails. So my team doesn’t, so they can email me any questions at firstname.lastname@example.org, and Hewett is H E W E T T, because a lot of times people couldn’t find me because they thought it was ITT.
Mia thank you so much for being on. This was amazing.
My pleasure. Thanks so much for having me on and thanks so much for what you do and really helping women and moms be empowered. So thank you so much. That’s awesome. Great work.
Absolutely. Aw, thank you. Thank you.
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