podcast

The 4 Key Steps to Turning our Circumstances Around with Cherlyn Decker | EU 4137 min read

November 30, 2020

Who do you turn to in times of trouble? What are some systems and schools of thought that you can use to your aid when things become difficult? How can you translate your trials into wisdom for yourself and for others? In this podcast episode, Veronica Cisneros speaks with Cherlyn Decker about the 4 key […]

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I am a licensed marriage and family therapist, marriage coach, course creator, retreat host, mother of 3, married for 23 years and host of the Empowered and Unapologetic podcast. 

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Who do you turn to in times of trouble? What are some systems and schools of thought that you can use to your aid when things become difficult? How can you translate your trials into wisdom for yourself and for others?

In this podcast episode, Veronica Cisneros speaks with Cherlyn Decker about the 4 key steps to turning circumstances around.

Meet Cherlyn Decker

Cherlyn Decker

Cherlyn Decker (pronounced share-lyn), a speaker, writer, and coach who has helped hundreds of women turn their struggles into a source of strength. Cherlyn believes that it’s only when we face our challenges that we can take back control and triumph over them.

When Cherlyn isn’t busy helping women become the warriors God created them to be, she loves spending time with her husband and two beautiful daughters at their home near Denver. Most weekends Cherlyn can be found loudly cheering at her daughter’s volleyball game or curled up on the couch with a blanket, a book, and a cup of tea.

Visit her website and connect on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and LinkedIn.

In This Podcast

Summary

  1. Respond
  2. Overcoming obstacles
  3. Applying lessons from past seasons
  4. Reveal our story to others

1. Respond

Learning to respond to difficult circumstances, not with grumbling or complaining, but with the word of God. You can use the word of God to get yourself in a place of trust to respond to the situation in the best possible light.

2. Overcoming obstacles

Recognize when you get caught in old patterns and cycles that you want to change. You can choose to do things differently. When you overcome those obstacles, you can be a bit more proactive because you know you have seen this before and you are able to tackle it.

3. Applying lessons from past seasons

These could be people, personality types, or experiences you have had. You have loads of lessons in your past that can give you the wisdom you need in order to solve the issue you are dealing with now. Do not be afraid to explore painful places in your past to learn from mistakes you have made in order to learn from them.

4. Reveal your story to others

You let these experiences serve you by sharing them with others because so many people experience the same things and when you share them, other people can connect with you and through this, you can share wisdom.

Unleashing your ROAR is unlocking these in order to help you face trials and tribulations in your life. When you allow yourself to surrender you are able to trust yourself that you will be able to get through it, even though it may not feel like it in the beginning, know that you can.

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Meet Veronica Cisneros

Veronica Cisneros | Empowered And Unapologetic PodcastI’m a licensed therapist and women walk into my office every day stressed and disconnected. As a mom of three daughters, I want my girls to know who they are and feel confident about their future. I can’t think of a better way to help other women than by demonstrating an empowered and unapologetic life.

So I started  Empowered and Unapologetic to be a safe space for women to be vulnerable and change their lives for the better before she ever needs to see a therapist.

Whether you listen to the podcast, join the free Facebook communityjoin the VIP community, or attend our annual retreat,  you’re in the right place. Let’s do this together!

Thanks for listening!

Podcast Transcription

[VERONICA]:
Empowered and Unapologetic is part of the Practice of the Practice Podcast Network, a family of podcasts that changed the world. To hear other podcasts like the Bomb Mom podcast, Beta Male Revolution, or Imperfect Thriving, go to practiceofthepractice.com/network.

Have you ever thought, how did I manage to lose myself? Being a mom is so hard, especially when we’re feeling stressed and disconnected. We exhaust ourselves trying to create this perfect life for our family. You deserve to enjoy your marriage and your kids, without the stress perfectionism brings. I am going to teach you how to identify who you are, outside of all of the roles you play.

Hi, I’m Veronica Cisneros. I’m a wife, mother of three, and a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. I am on a mission to teach women just like you how to become empowered and unapologetic. Welcome to our girl gang.

Hey, ladies. Welcome to Empowered and Unapologetic. I’m your host, Veronica Cisneros. I have to say this episode is so good and came at a time that I really needed it. I’ve never recorded an episode that was faith based. Today’s guest is a speaker, writer, coach and spiritual director. Her signature process has helped hundreds of women turn their struggles into a source of strength to propel them forward and not hold them back. She believes that it’s only when we face our challenges that we can take back control and triumph over them. Over the past 15 years, she has helped hundreds of women not just survive their trials, but use them, learn from them, and find confidence and peace so they can empower and uplift others. So please help me by welcoming Cherlyn Decker.

[VERONICA]:
Hey, Cherlyn.

[CHERLYN]:
Hey, Veronica. Oh, it’s so, I’m so excited to be here.

[VERONICA]:
Well, I have to tell you, you are going to be the first person on this show that we’re going to discuss faith. Like this is the first time ever so I’m super excited to have you on.

[CHERLYN]:
Wow. Well, you know, I just, we’ll do our best to represent God well.

[VERONICA]:
Well, I trust in you girl, I trust in you. So can you please share with us your story?

[CHERLYN]:
Yeah. It was a cold day in February, like the last Friday of the month. And I was a consultant, I was working from home. And my phone rang. And the voice on the other end was my boss and he says I’m sorry, Cherlyn, but your position has been eliminated. And I was on the phone, so he couldn’t see me and I have this white leather chair in my office, and I just collapsed in it with tears streaking mascara down my face. And in that one phone call, we lost 60% of my family’s income, because I was the breadwinner.

[VERONICA]:
Oh my god.

[CHERLYN]:
Yeah. And all of those thoughts that, will we get through this? How will we get through this? Were running through my head. And I’m like, I mean, I’m a Jesus girl. I know how to trust God. Yet this really put a test to that. And my finances obviously became a hot mess. And so did the rest of my life because there was so much of my identity that was attached to what I did, that I was shattered. And I had just lost my confidence. I lost the belief in myself, in my abilities, and I just was frozen in fear.

[VERONICA]:
Yeah. I feel that. I feel that. So 60% of your income. Girl, what? Like I’m thinking, okay, well, that’s it. Like, yeah, we can pick ourselves up and keep moving. However, like the minute you get that phone call, I don’t know. The main word that comes up for me is complete defeat, like, complete defeat. How do I share this with my family? How do I share this with my kids? How do I pay my mortgage? How do I pay the electricity? Were you guys kind of living paycheck to paycheck at the time, did you guys have a savings? What did that look like? That’s, that’s where my head’s going right now.

[CHERLYN]:
Yeah. And all of those questions are exactly what was going through my mind. And I had an inkling that this was coming and I am a saver by nature, I tend to be a little frugal, my husband says I’m, you know, a tightwad. So we had a savings, we knew the principles of, you know, financial management, putting, you know, paying ourselves first, putting a percentage of our money into savings. So we had a nest egg, it was not huge. It was still, we were living outside of Washington, DC. And for those of you who are familiar with those big cities that require two incomes, you’re right. 60% was a huge hit. And we had gotten to the place where we were in our careers, where we had started to outsource some stuff. I had a housekeeper, I loved them, they were wonderful. That was like my biggest energy drainer. When I can get rid of that, right? Yeah, when I could get rid of that, and hire someone else to do that. And then to have to call the people that I loved who were serving me and tell them I had to let them go. And there was a trickle effect.

And, you know, just the life that we lead. I mean, just when we had to tighten the belt, of course, and there were some things that we could do to kind of reduce our expenses. But there were plenty of things like that we couldn’t do, we couldn’t change the mortgage, I couldn’t change the payment on the school loans. We made phone calls and said, hey, I lost our job, tried to get deferment of some things, trying to be smart and be good with, you know, the financial advice that we were given. But at the end of the day, I can tell you really at the end of the month, there was way more month left at the end of the money. And Quicken was what we used, was bright red.

[VERONICA]:
Yeah.

[CHERLYN]:
And I was like, I don’t know how this is going to work. And I still don’t know how it’s gonna work. Because I am absolutely certain that God’s math is not two plus two equals four, it is not. And I have evidence of that, because I always knew in my head, that God was my provider. But I’m a type A, very driven, high D girl who just gets stuff done, like, give me the plan, I execute, you know, I can set the vision, I can set the strategy, let’s just go do it. And I couldn’t do anything about this. Nothing. And yeah, you know, okay, Cherlyn, go get a new job. But you know, maybe we’ll talk about that, about how that just ended up, you know, not going in the direction that I wanted. But here we were in this place where I really had to trust the Lord for being my source of where my income was going to be coming from.

[VERONICA]:
How did you do that? Because I’m, you know, when you’re saying you’re type A, you know, okay, let’s go, let’s get up and make this work. We have to make this work. And then you mentioned, you know, the money ending before the month ended, and it’s like, I feel that. I’m over here, stressed now, how are we gonna pay this? How are we gonna pay this, Cherlyn? You know, I go into, sometimes I will admit this, I’ll go into, okay, step aside, God. Like, I get you do all of these things magical and holy and all of the above. However, you’re not working fast enough. So I need you to step aside. I need you to go over there. Because you did all that and watch what I can do. And every single time I’ve done that I’ve fallen on my butt so hard. So so hard. But it’s this control. I need this control, because fear’s coming up. I’m scared out of my mind. I don’t have the answers. And I need them right now because my family is dependent on me. My household is dependent on me, from what you’re sharing. And I can’t fail them. So how, how did you get there? How did… like you’re trusting God? And I’m like, oh, that’s amazing. Yeah. But I mean, girl, you still got to pay that mortgage, [unclear]. Okay, so…

[CHERLYN]:
What do you look like with skin on? Right?

[VERONICA]:
Yes.

[CHERLYN]:
And I can tell you, it’s a very scary place. It’s a very scary place to be on your butt in the bottom of the pit, and have no one else. And, you know, it’s not like I wasn’t trying, it’s not like I didn’t do the stuff that I could do, have resumes out there networking, doing all the things I could do to try, talking to headhunters, all of that. But still, there’s that gap when you’ve got to cover it. And I can tell you that I don’t know how many times God just showed up. We would have an electric bill that came. And it would be the same amount as my Costco rebate check.

[VERONICA]:
What?

[CHERLYN]:
Like, I’m not kidding.

[VERONICA]:
I believe it.

[CHERLYN]:
Almost down, almost down, not down to the penny but to the dollar. So there’ll be a little bit extra because that’s what God does. When he gives you something there’s usually a little bit left over. And so we would have this Costco rebate check, right? Sometimes they’re 80 bucks. Sometimes they’re 120 bucks just depending how much you spend at Costco. We’re Costco people.

[VERONICA]:
Yeah, me too, girl. Me too.

[CHERLYN]:
Our membership [unclear].

[VERONICA]:
I love those trucks.

[CHERLYN]:
Yeah. So now that’s money that I don’t have to allocate because it just came in at the right time. And so here I am stressing in this place of I can’t in my own strength. And God says, I know, will you trust me? Will you let me out of the corner and let me drive? And that, the posture of letting go was prying open my tightly clenched fist, that’s the only way to describe it, is I was holding on to control so tightly and he’s like, let go. And trust me. And I mean, that’s a hard place to be, I’m a whole lot better off now than in that trust department with finances just because I’ve seen him because I can tell you, once God provides for a certain dollar value, in my business, it’s, you know, it looks one way. And so if I’ve seen God provide that dollar value before then I don’t have to stress about that, because you’ve done it once. And I have evidence of him doing it once. So when the next electric bill came, I didn’t have to worry about it. Because I knew that somehow, it would show up. And we didn’t have family members. I mean, they were like, let us know, let us know. Well, you know, we really had too much pride, we weren’t gonna be like, hey, you know, yeah, buy me groceries. But I would tell you that people would, you know, our neighbors would be like, hey, come over for a barbecue. And then that’s food I didn’t have to pay for.

[VERONICA]:
Yeah, thank you.

[CHERLYN]:
So the small little things we would find. I mean, my daughter found $50 on a walk when we were walking the dogs, in the bushes. Like, what? So I’m like, really?

[VERONICA]:
Yeah. No, yes.

[CHERLYN]:
These are normal things. How often have we found like five bucks in the parking lot? Yeah, it just happens. But God, when God, when we need him, and he shows up.

[VERONICA]:
So I’m gonna tell you right now, I’m battling with this. And if I’m battling with this, I know the listeners are battling with this. Because there is a whole bunch of trust you are placing on your faith, a whole bunch of trust, when fear and uncertainty is at a whole ‘nother level. Right? And so can you walk us through? How do we do that? Because yeah, I can say, okay, let go and let God, which don’t get me wrong, I love that phrase, because it’s so powerful. And if we would just do it, maybe we wouldn’t be in the predicaments that sometimes we’re in, you know, because, again, I love that you use the word control, too. So how do we get there? Because I know I’ve battled with it myself. And I’m very, very thankful that I’ve surrendered. Not all of us want to let go of that.

[CHERLYN]:
It’s a process. And that is a word I hate. Just being real. I don’t like process. But it’s a process. And what God began to show me is that my narrative, the voices that were inside of my head, those thoughts, those fears, were speaking more loudly than he was. And so he taught me to be like, okay, I want you to go find a promise in the Bible, where I have said, I’m your provider. And so I just got out, you know, my Bible and I pulled up my app and did a little word search, like, right, make it easy. And I found every single place where he provided for someone else. Now, I didn’t have evidence yet. And so here I am standing on the fact that he’s provided for all of these other people. And I can say, do it for me. Do it for me. So then every time that little…

[VERONICA]:
I got chills right now, I got chills right now. Yes.

[CHERLYN]:
I tell you what, when we find out what the Word of God says, not just about I mean, because me, about me and my circumstances, and I can stand on that, then I have something to go against those fears. Because when the fear little monster is on your shoulder, and he’s whispering in your ear, all of these, what if and you’re wrestling with that, and you’re fighting the thoughts in your head, all of that worry, all of that anxiety. I mean, it was real. It was real. I was feeling those things. But here’s the truth. Feelings lie.

[VERONICA]:
Yes, 100%.

[CHERLYN]:
They do. They don’t always tell us the truth, and neither do the voices. The voice that talks to me when I stand on the scale in the morning and tells me I’m not worthy is a liar. So the same voice that tells me that God won’t, is a liar, because his Word says he will. So then I’m in this place where, okay, what am I going to trust? I’m going to trust the voice in my head that lies to me all the time, or am I going to trust the truth of God’s Word? And then I’m given this option. And then that’s when I get to have control over my choice. My choice is to trust the lie or to trust the truth. And so it’s just this navigation of constantly saying, Lord, where am I putting my trust? And if I’m putting my trust in you, then that means that every single time I hear those little voices that are not lining up with the truth, I have to then replace them with something that is the truth.

[VERONICA]:
Bingo.

[CHERLYN]:
Just like we do in any other self talk, we have to go that self talk when it says no, no. God said, He’s going to provide for me. And so I don’t know what that looks like. But I’ll tell you what, he’s never late. He’s usually not early, but he’s never late. Rarely ever, is he early, but never late. Never late.

[VERONICA]:
I love that you said, one thing I use often is, what do you know for sure? So I love that you’ve said that? What is the truth? What is the truth? What do I know 100% to be true? That scale does not determine my worth. I determine my worth. And yes, you mentioned emotions. Absolutely. Your emotions are valid, you’re experiencing them, you’re feeling them. However, the behavior is unjustified because now you’re using that emotion as a guide. When we are so emotional, how many times have you maybe made some not so healthy decisions based off of whatever you’re experiencing? That’s what we call urges and impulses, right?

[CHERLYN]:
Stress eating.

[VERONICA]:
Bingo. Yes, yes, and yes. And so if we can do just that, what do I know 100% to be true? This is not true. This is a lie I tell myself. This is me trying to gain some control. Be patient, and listen to what is true. How do we… So I’m going to tell you right now, if you were to tell me to go to Psalms 25:7, I’d be like, awesome. Okay, where do I go? What does this look like? How do I get myself familiar with listening to that voice and making it louder than the monster so that it can guide me to the appropriate place?

[CHERLYN]:
Repetition. Just like any other affirmation we speak over ourselves, it’s not a once and done. It’s constantly telling ourselves, constantly capturing those thoughts, and replacing them with something else. And that might look like every five seconds at first, just like we’re learning how to ride a bicycle, it’s awkward to declare the Word of God over ourselves, to declare any positive affirmation over ourselves at first. But once we finally get the hang of the bicycle, it’s easier to ride it. And then the person that’s holding on to the back of the bike knows, okay, they got a little bit more balanced, and they can let go and what happens, they fall. And it’s okay, when we’re in this place. And we’ve been saying all these affirmations, and then something comes along and throws us off. That is called Life. That will happen. We have to let ourselves be okay with that, and be like, but that doesn’t change the fact that my choice is to trust. My choice is to trust the truth. And the truth for me, is God’s word.

And I have evidence now in my own life, that every time I have to face a financial decision, I can tell you just last month, Veronica, on the first I guess it was, we’re taping this in August, so the first of July, my husband was in the emergency room. This was right after my deep freeze died, in the middle of Corona, my deep freeze died, we lost tons of food. And right before that my very expensive Dyson vacuum cleaner died. So you wanna know how much that is? Let’s add that all up. We’re talking like almost $10,000 in expenses.

Now, my husband’s fine. It was a swordfish allergy. So he’s fine. But at the end of the day, this was hit after hit after hit. And I had to come to the place with okay, God, I know you’ve got this, because you saw this coming. And he promises us that he will equip us for everything. So that means he saw it coming. And that we were equipped, we’re empowered to face what’s coming, because it’s going to build our character, it’s going to build our strength, it’s going to teach us how to trust him. So in this repetition cycle, one trial leads to another. And I promise you whenever we’re getting out of a cycle of something, when we change our behavior, that shifts and we decide I’m now going to trust this way, and create new neural pathways in my brain, and begin to follow that and that takes a little while. And then that becomes a new path. And so then what, then another trial comes and now you get to choose, am I going to choose the old path or the new path? And then you’ve got the new path more worn down and becomes easier to travel the next time. So if we can let those trials that come to our life, whether it’s financial, in our marriage, whatever it is, strengthen us and the next time a trial hits, we’re more equipped, we’re more empowered, we’re more confident, to go after it and trust God in those situations as well.

[VERONICA]:
100 percent. That’s also, I love that you started, that you give the example of different neural pathways, we call that neuroplasticity, being able to go ahead and develop this. We’re so used to this one route. And so that’s where our brain goes automatically over and over and over and over again. However, when we start a new path, we’ll slowly, as you practice it over and over, it strengthens it, erasing the other one. The other one, you can always go ahead and strengthen it however, it really does depend on what do you want more. And it’s as you were talking, right now I was back and forth about sharing this, I’m just going to share, because I’m really big on vulnerability. So here we go.

I’m launching a course and after we record this, it’ll already be launched and done. Because I’ve given it up, I’ve given, I’ve said, this is beyond my control. Every morning I’ve been up at like 1:30 because my team, somebody that’s on my team, she lives in Africa. And so I’m up at 1:30, getting her emails, doing all these things, and my marketing team, there’s just this, this bit of an issue. And this morning at 1:30 in the morning, I was up and we couldn’t access the course. We’re ready to launch it, everything’s done, it’s ready to go live, it was supposed to go live on Tuesday. And I’m thinking, what the heck am I gonna do? What am I going to do? It’s a free course. However, it’s something big, it’s my name, my pride, my ego. And I’m doing all these things to try to control it. And I’m being shown over and over, this isn’t on your time. This is on the time that it needs to be released. And so for right now, it’s not time. I have a really, really big issue with that, because just like you I like things to be done a certain way.

And waiting for emails, back and forth emails, and at 3:30 this morning, 3:45 we decided, okay, we need to go ahead and wait for businesses to open up, because I’m here in California. And then we could go ahead and tackle this issue. And so it was like just go back to sleep because you know, had our interview on and make sure I was sharp, ready to go. And I went to bed and I was like I can’t believe this. And there I am trying to come up with every single possible way to make this work, every single possible way. I need to do this, I need to do this. I need to do this. Every single possible way except for surrendering, letting go and giving it to God. And I say this and like, tears start to come up because it’s true.

And I was battling with sleeping, you know, and I was like, okay, well, you’re a therapist, you teach people how to go ahead and relax and regulate their emotions. And it was like, you got to put this into practice. And it was like, okay, deep breathing exercises, five senses, mindfulness, progressive muscle relaxation. And then it was like, girl, prayer, like prayer. And so I prayed. And it was just so amazing, being able to pray. And it’s so crazy that you and I are on here right now. And so I did just that, I prayed. And shortly after, I fell asleep. Mind you, I only got like maybe a couple hours of sleep. And yet when I woke up, it was with this sense of relief. This course is going to be released whenever it’s going to be released. And it’s not the end of the world because I have my husband, who’s snoring. And what a beautiful thing, he’s laying right next to me, alive, healthy, snoring. What a beautiful thing that my kids are in the other room. Aubrey and Brooklyn, even though they have their own rooms, they still sleep together. And then Aliyah, she has her friend over who just went through a breakup. And how thankful am I that I’m in this air conditioned home with my husband, with the kids, and everything’s gonna be okay, this is a course. And there’s going to be several courses after this. However, being able to trust in God trumps it all.

And so I thank you for sharing that story with me. I thank you for sharing your story because that in so many ways, you know, I’ve been there and I know most of our audience at one point in their life has also been there. I want to ask you a question. You mentioned ROAR framework. Can you please tell me more about that?

[CHERLYN]:
Yeah. So Unleash Your ROAR is the process that it’s now called that God walked me through. And the, it’s an acronym, so R stands for respond. And that’s learning how to respond to those circumstances, those trials, that is the key piece, a foundational piece is responding with not grumbling and complaining, but responding with the Word of God. And for those of you who are just unfamiliar with how to do that, want a place to start or you are familiar, and you’re like, okay, I don’t know how to pray effectively, because I was raised in church, I thought I know how to pray, and in this trial that I went through, proved that I didn’t, and I had to really dig in. And so I have five prayers that I can give you guys for free to give you a place to start.

[VERONICA]:
Beautiful, yes.

[CHERLYN]:
And I would love to do that. So I’ll make that available to you. So that’s the art, is responding and using the word of God offensively, to, you know, really kind of get yourself in a place of trust. The O is overcoming obstacles. And we talked about this a little bit, recognizing when we’re getting caught in old patterns and old cycles, recognizing the places where we’ve fallen into potholes is how I like to describe it, when we realize, okay, I don’t have to hit that. I can choose to do things differently. And because I’ve learned from my lesson from the past. And so when we overcome those obstacles, we can know we can be a little bit more offensive, because we’re like, okay, I’ve seen this before. And the A is applying those lessons from past seasons. And so these could be people, personality types, these could be oh, I’ve walked through something similar. And we often don’t realize there’s so many keys and treasures in our past, we always like to say, oh, forget the past, move on. But I’m telling you, there are lessons there for us to learn, which will give you keys to break through in the future.

[VERONICA]:
Absolutely.

[CHERLYN]:
If I hadn’t dug into my past, and be like, okay, we know how to do this, we know how to trim our budget, I knew how to, you know, do some things, I could go back into some painful places of my past and say, okay, that’s where I went wrong. That’s where I didn’t trust God, that’s where I leaned into the wrong voices. Whether that’s, you know, friends, family, all kinds of different people trying to give you their wisdom, versus what I know to be the truth, which is what God is whispering to my heart. And so that’s the A. So it’s respond, overcome obstacles, apply lessons from past seasons. And the last R is what you do so beautifully, Veronica, and this is reveal our story to others. This is when we provide, we let that stuff we’ve just walked through serve us by helping someone else, because our stories are meant to give each other hope that we can all get through something similar. So whoever’s listening today who’s like, oh, my gosh, I walked through something similar, then my story can help set her free, it can help give her hope. And if she doesn’t have examples of God providing for her, she can say, well, you did it for Cherlyn, do it for me.

[VERONICA]:
Yeah.

[CHERLYN]:
Somebody who’s another course creator can be like, well, you know, Veronica was able to get some rest. So do it for me. And that’s what the power of our story is. So that’s the power of reveal. But we really can’t do that, until we’ve done the other four steps. So unleashing your ROAR is I want to teach women how to unlock that inside of themselves so they can be confident and empowered, and unapologetic about how they face the trials in their life and know that I can get through this, because let me tell you what happened. It was my husband’s job, relocated us out to Colorado, probably three or four years ago now. When we got here, we were determined to do things different. We were determined to just live on his income. And we had not been here three months and his pay was cut.

[VERONICA]:
Goodness,

[CHERLYN]:
Well, I knew what to do. Because I had trusted God before with a bigger loss. And I knew that I could trust him again, because he would do it. And he did. And so instead of collapsing in my chair with streaking mascara on my face, I took a nap because I had the peace that I could put my trust in God and know that he would come through. And all of those questions that filled my head in the beginning, how will we pay the bills, I knew. I didn’t know specifically how it was going to happen. But I knew it would happen. And there’s a difference when you’re like, I got this. I got this because you’ve equipped me with my previous trial to know I can walk through this one too. My trust, that neural pathway, my trust is now stronger because I’ve walked this path before and I was successful at it. And then when that type A driven personality who life likes to throw her something, she can be like, oh, no.

[VERONICA]:
Not today.

[CHERLYN]:
Not today.

[VERONICA]:
Not today. Oh my gosh, I love it. You’re so right. You know if we look at if we look back at your story, and then look back at you know this morning, we could have both wallowed in it, and we would have still been in that same space with still no answers, however, the minute we’re able to let go, the minute we’re able to surrender, then we’re provided with so many other opportunities. And in addition to that, we’re able to go ahead and trust ourselves that we’re going to get through it. And it’s going to be fine. It is. It doesn’t feel like it, I will grant you that, it does not feel like it. You know, during these times, don’t get me wrong, there’s still a little bit of stress with regards to the course because it still needs to get done. And, okay, there’s a delay, finding some form of acceptance in that.

I love your ROAR, I love that you’re able to go out and look at past obstacles and utilize them, to go ahead and, you know, find strength in new ones. I love that you’re able to respond. And I love that you use that word. Here’s why. Often times, when we think we’re responding, we’re actually really reacting and we’re reacting based off of emotion. When we’re responding to something, we’re able to problem solve, we’re able to rationalize, we’re able to think a lot clearer, not driven by emotion. So Cherlyn, I want to go ahead and ask, where can we find you? So how can my audience find you if they wanted to go ahead and work with you, and find out more information about what you do and how you can help?

[CHERLYN]:
Yeah, the best place would be my website, and that is cherlyndecker.com. And then a special place for your audience is forward slash EAU. And there’ll be some free resources there, all kinds of other ways to connect with me. So that’s cherlyndecker.com/eau for your empowered and unapologetic group. That’s a mouthful. And the other places, you can find me on all socials, and most places, it’s my name as well. On Facebook, it’s Coach Cherlyn. Every Wednesday, I do a word drop. And so I take the Word of God and I flip it into a prayer. And so I just find a promise from God. It’s simple. It’s maybe they’re not even 10 minutes long, each Wednesday at 10am Mountain Time. So that would be nine o’clock Pacific and noon Eastern. So I do that every Wednesday, it’s just a way to kind of encourage you to kind of see how easy it is to take the Word of God and just stand on it. Because whenever he says he will do something, it means he will do something.

[VERONICA]:
Yeah. I love that. Last two questions that I ask every guest. What are you doing right now to live the life you want to live?

[CHERLYN]:
Right now I’m in a season of rest. And what that looks like is I am taking some time off to get the clarity on my next step forward. There have been some things that I have held onto that were mine, that, you know, I had control over. And I’m in a place where I’m practicing what I preach, which is the surrender. I am willing to let this go if this does not move me forward into the calling that I have, and to the people I’m called to serve. So everything is available right now. Like, okay, if I don’t do this anymore, if I don’t do that anymore, that’s okay. Where am I next step?

[VERONICA]:
Mm hmm.

[CHERLYN]:
Because I want to make sure I’m clearly hearing on where I need to move, what my next steps are. And so I’m in a place where I’m getting in a place where I can declutter, and just spend some time reading my Bible, reading, you know, some some books that I just haven’t had a chance to catch up on, and getting out of the Doer, so I can just be and listen. So that’s where I’m at. And I will be in that season until I’m released from it. And so in the past, sometimes it’s been a month, which is what I planned for. Other times, it’ll be a little bit longer. So I’m honoring the obligations, like, you know, this interview, you know, and be like, okay, this was on my calendar, I’m gonna, I’m basically doing what I’ve been given to do. So if I wake up in the morning, and this is a perfect example, I was reading, I’m taking a class to renew my leadership certification for my coaching license, and I’m taking this class and I’m reading this book. And meanwhile, I’ve got tons of stuff for sale on Facebook marketplace, right? And so I’m reading this book, and I’m doing my homework, and this little nudge comes and it’s like, you should really move the car out of the garage so they can come and see that. And I’m like, okay, so I put my book away, move the car out of the garage, you know, get the furniture I’m selling ready to go. And as soon as I did that they pulled in the driveway. So when I say like I’m really just doing the next thing, it really is as practical as hey, move the car out of the garage, as opposed to okay, at 11:45, when this interview with Veronica is over, I’m gonna go and move the car out of the garage. It’s done, because it was something that I just felt the nudge to follow.

[VERONICA]:
There you go. Last question, what advice would you give to the mom who feels stressed and disconnected? If she was standing right in front of you, one sentence.

[CHERLYN]:
I want you to know who you are.

[VERONICA]:
Oh, yes, yeah.

[CHERLYN]:
Because when you know who God says you are, then no one else’s opinion matters, and who God says you are is found in the word. And I want you to get into the Word of God and find out who he says you are. Because I promise you this, no one can change it. He’s the Creator, the creator has something to say about what he creates. And no one can change that. And no one can take that away from you. That is who you are.

[VERONICA]:
Boom. Yes. Oh my gosh, I kind of like want to just start clapping. But I know the microphone will go all crazy. Jazz hands.

[CHERLYN]:
Jazz hands.

[VERONICA]:
Cherlyn, this has been so amazing. I didn’t ask any of the questions that I wanted to ask. And I’m just, it was complete surrender. And I’m so thankful that we were both able to go there. so thankful you were able to be vulnerable with us and share with us your story and even hear mine. Thank you so much for being on here with us. And I can’t wait to work with you more.

[CHERLYN]:
Thank you, Veronica. I’m so honored for the opportunity to speak with the women that you serve. You show up so powerfully and thanks for inviting me in.

[VERONICA]:
Absolutely. Absolutely.

[VERONICA]:
What’s up, ladies? Just want to let you guys know that your ratings and reviews for this podcast are greatly appreciated. If you love this podcast, please go to iTunes right now and rate and review. Thank you, guys.

Many women lose their own identity in the shadow of being a mom and a wife. We are a community of women who support each other. We leave perfectionism behind to become empowered and unapologetic. I know you’re ready for the next steps. If you want to become empowered and unapologetic, get my free course, Unapologetically Me over at empoweredandunapologetic.com/course.

This podcast is designed to provide accurate and authoritative information in regard to the subject matter covered. This is given with the understanding that neither the host, Practice of the Practice, or the guests, are providing legal, mental health, or other professional information. If you need a professional, you should find one.

Did you enjoy this podcast? Feel free to share this podcast on social media! You can also leave a review of the Empowered and Unapologetic Podcast on iTunes and subscribe!

Empowered and Unapologetic is part of the Practice of the Practice Podcast Network, a network of podcasts seeking to help you thrive, imperfectly. To hear other podcasts like the Bomb Mom Podcast, Imperfect Thriving, or Beta Male Revolution, go to practiceofthepractice.com/network.

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I’m Veronica, your new Boss MOM Mentor with no filter and no BS. 

I'm a licensed marriage and family therapist, women’s coach, course creator, and retreat host. Married for OVER 20 years, raising three girls, and the host of the Empowered and Unapologetic podcast. 

Enough about me… 

My jam? Helping high-achieving women thrive both at home and in the hustle of work.

I've been there.

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