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“Shit, she’s going to call me out.” You bet your ass I am. Welcome back to the Empowered and Unapologetic podcast, ladies! I’m Veronica Cisneros, your host, your cheerleader, and occasionally, your digital detox drill sergeant. Today’s episode hit close to home for me—and probably will for you, too. It’s about digital consumption, mental health, and how our phones quietly creep in and mess with our lives.
Joining me is the brilliant Jennie Ketcham Crooks, a licensed clinical social worker, anxiety and OCD specialist, and author of Look Up: The 30-Day Path to Digital Minimalism and Real-Life Maximalism. If anyone can make us rethink our scrolling habits, it’s Jennie.
Summary
- Digital consumption can have a significant impact on mental health, especially for high-achieving women.
- Using smartphones as a way to escape uncomfortable situations or avoid emotional experiences can lead to addictive behaviors.
- Social media is a comparison machine that can exacerbate feelings of self-doubt and inadequacy.
- Practicing self-awareness and intentional digital consumption can help reduce anxiety and improve overall well-being. Practice narrating your actions when using your phone to increase mindfulness and reduce automatic behavior.
- Take three minutes of mindfulness before engaging with technology to create a mindful pause and be intentional with phone usage.
- Create a personalized plan for digital minimalism by determining what tasks are actually required and choosing when to engage with technology.
- Embrace anxiety as a natural response and practice radical acceptance, offering kindness and curiosity towards the experience.
- Increase self-kindness by practicing 10% more kindness towards oneself, which can lead to reduced phone usage and a healthier mindset.
Guilty as Charged: The Phone Is Not Just a Tool
I’ll confess—my phone has become my escape hatch. I’ve used it to avoid decisions, tune out after a long day, or scroll for “inspiration” (read: endless TikTok workouts I’ll never do). Sound familiar?
Jennie nailed it when she said: “People use their devices to eject from uncomfy situations… it’s an autopilot response.”
We think we’re checking out, but we’re actually checking into a vortex of distractions. Whether it’s diving into Reddit rabbit holes or “researching” the latest drama about Snooki, we’re numbing ourselves rather than addressing what’s going on inside.
Jennie’s turning point? Missing her daughter’s first step because she was on her phone.
“That moment stuck with me,” she shared. “It wasn’t just a clinical issue anymore—it was personal. This autopilot response was robbing me of real life.”
Hearing this hit me like a ton of bricks. I’ve been there—present but not really present. My husband has even said, “I’m tired of competing with your job.” Ouch.
Why High Achievers Are Especially Vulnerable
Let’s face it: as high-achieving women, we’re always on. From running businesses to juggling kids and marriage, our brains never stop. Jennie pointed out something crucial:
“We’re doing the most—Bible studies, workouts, feeding kids, driving everywhere—and yet, our phones become this pseudo-relaxation tool. But it’s not real rest.” — Jennie Ketcham Crooks.
Can I get an amen?
Breaking the Cycle: Digital Nutrition
So, what’s the fix? Jennie suggests treating your phone use like your diet.
“You wouldn’t eat junk food all day and expect to feel great. The same goes for your digital habits,” Jennie explained.
Here’s what we can all do:
- Set Boundaries: Create specific times for phone use, like 20 minutes after work to decompress.
- Schedule Phone-Free Zones: Dinner tables, bedrooms, or even car rides can be sacred spaces.
- Reconnect with Real Life: Replace scrolling with activities that genuinely recharge you—reading, journaling, or just sitting in silence.
It’s About Choices
Look, I’m not here to guilt-trip you into throwing your phone into the ocean. This is about awareness and making intentional choices.
As Jennie so perfectly put it:
“This isn’t pathological. It’s just our brains responding to shiny, beautiful distractions. But we can train ourselves to look up and reclaim those moments that matter.” — Jennie Ketcham Crooks
Social media promises endless entertainment with minimal effort. For Jennie, the lure of “cognitive detachment” is irresistible, especially after making a million decisions in a single day. “I’m tired,” she admitted, a sentiment echoed by many of us. (Me too!)
Whether it’s a food video, a workout hack, or a bizarre dance trend, TikTok and Instagram serve up a buffet of distractions tailored to keep us scrolling. They curate the most diverse content for this human who is doing so much.
The Comparison Machine: Meet Brenda, Your Inner Critic
“Social media is a comparison machine, and I already have one built into my brain.” — Jennie Ketcham Crooks
Jennie has a name for her internal critic: Brenda. Brenda is a relentless overachiever who constantly whispers, You’re not good enough. “She’s extra,” Jennie joked, “but she thinks she’s helping me.” Unfortunately, Brenda’s well-intentioned efforts often lead to exhaustion and feelings of inadequacy.
“I need to name mine, too! Samantha and Brenda should never be allowed to hang out—they’d get us into serious trouble.” — Veronica Cisneros
For Jennie, the endless scroll amplifies Brenda’s critical voice. “It’s like a bottomless feed of proof that I’m not good enough,” she explained. Social media is a world of competition and comparison.
Viral Misinformation: The Therapist’s Nightmare
“Some of these reels are teaching stuff that’s not even true!” — Veronica Cisneros
Social media isn’t just a source of entertainment; it’s also a breeding ground for misinformation. I am so frustrated with viral therapy “tips” that miss the mark.
“I have to unfuck this in my sessions. What you taught about narcissism isn’t even narcissism!” — Veronica Cisneros.
“People love it, though, even if it’s damaging. It’s wild.” — Jennie Ketcham Crooks
Balancing the Noise: A Little Brenda Goes a Long Way
“Brenda gets me on the Peloton, so I guess I owe her that much.” — Jennie Ketcham Crooks
Despite her flaws, Brenda isn’t all bad. “She reminds me about my C-section scar and motivates me to work out,” Jennie said, laughing about Brenda’s unconventional advice. “But she also told me to aggressively rub the scar at night. Is that even a thing?”
The takeaway? Social media can be both a tool and a trap. By naming their inner critics and laughing at the absurdities, Jennie and Veronica remind us that it’s okay to call out the chaos and take back control.
So, who’s your Brenda?
My Challenge to You
This week, try a digital detox for just one hour a day. Put down your phone and pick up life. Watch your kids. Talk to your partner. Breathe.
And if you need a little more guidance, check out Jennie’s book Look Up. It’s packed with practical tips and inspiring stories to help you reset your relationship with technology.
Ladies, let’s not let our phones steal any more of our time, joy, or milestones. You’ve got this.
Until next time, stay empowered and unapologetic. 💖
“We don’t have to be perfect, but we do have to be present.” — Veronica Cisneros
Talk to a Therapist
If social media has you feeling overwhelmed, questioning your self-worth, or stuck in a cycle of comparison, you’re not alone—and you don’t have to face it alone either. At Outside the Norm Counseling, our compassionate therapists are here to help you reclaim your confidence, set healthy boundaries, and find balance in a world that’s constantly connected. Take the first step toward a healthier, happier you. Visit www.outsidethenormcounseling.com or book a session today. Let’s navigate this together!
Meet Jennie Ketcham Crooks
Jennie Ketcham Crooks is a psychotherapist and founder of West Coast Anxiety, specializing in evidence-based treatments for anxiety and trauma. With a Master’s in Social Work from the University of Washington, she’s pioneered programs like The Polyclinic’s Medical Social Work department and Seattle Anxiety Specialists’ Clinical Education & Training program.
Jennie is certified in Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT), trauma-focused practices like Prolonged Exposure Therapy, and Habit Reversal Training for conditions like Trichotillomania. Her dedication to quality care extends to her personal life, where mindfulness and intentionality guide her approach.
Once an adult film performer, Jennie’s memoir, I am Jennie, chronicles her inspiring transformation. She’s appeared on Oprah, The View, and Loveline, lectured at Harvard, and written for The New York Times. Her upcoming book, Look Up: The 30-Day Path to Digital Minimalism and Real Life Maximalism, offers strategies to reduce digital overconsumption and deepen real-world connections.
Jennie’s work empowers clients and readers alike to live with purpose, balance, and authenticity.
Digital Coordinates:
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- Outside The Norm Counseling – 951 395 3288 call to schedule an appointment today!
- 5 Things that are Killing your Marriage Free Guide available at www.veronicacisneros.org
Meet Veronica Cisneros
As a leading authority in women’s empowerment and a fierce advocate for building strong networks, Veronica is your go-to guru for turning fears into victories, struggles into strengths, and doubts into boundless opportunities.
Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist for 10 plus years; empowering high-achieving women in business to conquer both professional heights and personal fulfillment. She doesn’t do bandaids!
Veronica has a unique approach to overcoming obstacles and smashing through the glass ceilings that loom over ambitious women. With her arsenal of practical tools, actionable strategies, and unwavering support, Veronica doesn’t just help women succeed in their careers – she helps them thrive in every facet of their lives.
But Veronica’s expertise isn’t just theoretical – it’s personal. With over 24 years of marriage, three daughters, and a soaring career, Veronica embodies the resilience and determination needed to navigate life’s challenges. As a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Group Private Practice Owner, of Outside The Norm Counseling, Marriage Coach, and the voice behind the Empowered and Unapologetic podcast, Veronica effortlessly guides women to challenge themselves beyond their comfort zones.
Veronica is more than an expert – she’s a partner in transformation, turning mundane relationships into true connections. With her relatable charm and infectious humor, Veronica illuminates the path for women who refuse to settle for anything less than success in both business and relationships. Through practical tips, heartfelt anecdotes, and her trademark wit, Veronica empowers every woman to cultivate unbreakable bonds without sacrificing their ambitions.
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Thanks for listening!
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