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Surviving the holidays as a newly single parent feels like trying to decorate a shattered Christmas ornament—you’re desperately holding it together, but the cracks are impossible to ignore.

Hi, I’m Veronica Cisneros, LMFT, and welcome to Empowered and Unapologetic. This one’s personal. If you’re navigating the holidays while dealing with betrayal, infidelity, or divorce, all while trying to shield your kids, this is for you. The holidays, a time for joy and connection, can feel soul-crushing when you’re struggling to hold it all together. But I see you. I’ve been you. And I’m here to help you not just survive but step into your strength with honesty and a whole lot less guilt.

“The emotional toll of trying to protect your children from the truth of who their father has become is a weight no one should carry alone.” – Veronica Cisneros

Let’s start with the reality. This season might not look anything like what you planned. You might be holding on by a thread, doing everything to make things seem normal for your kids. But deep down, it’s far from normal, and you’re exhausted.

I know this pain because I’ve lived it.

Summary

• The holidays can be particularly challenging for newly single parents.
• Protecting children from the truth can lead to greater emotional damage.
• Honesty is crucial in teaching children about relationships and boundaries.
• Setting boundaries is essential for personal well-being and for teaching children about respect.
• Children need to see the reality of their parent’s actions to build resilience.
• It’s important to validate children’s feelings when their expectations are not met.
• You don’t have to fix your partner’s relationship with the kids; let them own their choices.
• Establishing non-negotiables helps in setting effective boundaries.
• Letting go of the need to shelter everyone from the truth is empowering.
• Every step toward honesty and empowerment is a step toward healing.

My Holiday Heartbreak

When my husband Willie asked for a divorce just months after our daughter Aliyah was born, I was in denial. There’s no way this is happening, I thought. I was determined to protect our family, to keep the “happy home” alive, no matter what.

But it wasn’t happy. It was exhausting.

During Aliyah’s first Halloween, I drove hours just so Willie, busy with work as a drill instructor, could see her dressed as a bumblebee. She had no idea what was happening. But I did it anyway. I was clinging to the illusion of a family that no longer existed.

And Christmas? I vividly remember decorating the tree and videotaping Aliyah’s first Christmas. “Look at what Daddy made,” I said, pointing to decorations he didn’t even touch. Why did I do that? Because I wanted to believe in something that wasn’t real.

“I wanted to create a false sense of reality for her first Christmas—not for her, but for me. I wasn’t ready to admit the truth.” – Veronica Cisneros

Protecting Your Kids vs. Enabling Disappointment

Ask yourself this: What am I really trying to protect my kids from?

So many of us take on the responsibility of shielding our children from their father’s actions. We think we’re saving them, but are we? Or are we unintentionally teaching them to accept disappointment as normal?

Here’s the hard truth: Every time we step in to fill his gaps or make excuses, we’re not just sparing our kids—we’re modeling the very behavior we want them to avoid.

Honesty builds resilience. Protecting our kids doesn’t mean lying to them. If they see their dad falling short, it’s okay to let them see that.

“This might be the first step in teaching them to honor their own needs, boundaries, and self-worth.” – Veronica Cisneros

Yes, it hurts to let them experience the pain of his absence. But the damage is greater when we keep pretending he’s someone he’s not.

Setting Boundaries That Empower

I’ll be honest—I didn’t even know what a boundary was until I became a therapist. Now I know they’re not just rules; they’re guides that honor your values, protect your wellbeing, and teach your kids the importance of honesty.

Boundaries are simply telling others what’s okay and what’s not. They’re about defining your limits and sticking to them.

Here’s an example:
If your ex skips plans with the kids, don’t minimize it or distract them. Instead, validate their feelings. Try saying, “I know it’s disappointing when things don’t go as planned. It’s okay to feel hurt.”

This simple acknowledgment shows your kids that their emotions matter and that it’s okay to feel what they’re feeling.

Practical Tips for Setting Boundaries

1. Identify Your Non-Negotiables:
   What are the things you absolutely won’t bend on? For instance, if your ex says he’ll pick up the kids at 3:00 PM, set a limit. If he doesn’t show up by 3:10, you leave.
2. Be Clear and Firm:
   Communicate your boundaries calmly but firmly. For example, “If you can’t commit to being on time, I’ll no longer arrange pickups at this location.”
3. Let Him Own His Choices:
   Encourage him to be involved, but don’t jump in to fix things when he fails. “Let him own his choices—this is an active decision he’s making.”
4. Prepare for Pushback:
   Boundaries often come with consequences, but they’re worth it. If you’re afraid of his reaction, ask yourself: What are the consequences of not setting this boundary?

The most invaluable lesson you can teach your children is how to set and respect boundaries. When they see you standing firm, they learn to do the same in their own relationships.

“You’re showing them what it means to value themselves and their emotions, to honor their needs, and to demand respect.” – Veronica Cisneros, LMFT

Talk to a Therapist

Navigating the holidays as a newly single parent is no walk in the park. But by being honest with your kids and setting boundaries that protect your peace, you’re building a foundation of resilience—for you and for them.

Ladies, this is your reminder: You don’t have to fix everything. You’re allowed to feel pain, set limits, and let go of the illusion of control.

“You’re stronger than you think, and this season is about reclaiming that strength—one boundary, one honest moment at a time.”

Here’s to stepping into the holidays with courage and self-respect. You’ve got this. 

Visit www.outsidethenormcounseling.com or book a session today. You deserve peace, healing, and a plan that honors your needs.

Useful links:

• Join our FaceBook Page – Empowered and Unapologetic
• Take the Marriage Predictor quiz!
• Follow me on Instagram
• Check out the new website! https://veronicacisneros.org/
• Outside The Norm Counseling – 951 395 3288 call to schedule an appointment today!
• 5 Things that are Killing your Marriage Free Guide available at www.veronicacisneros.org

Meet Veronica Cisneros

As a leading authority in women’s empowerment and a fierce advocate for building strong networks, Veronica is your go-to guru for turning fears into victories, struggles into strengths, and doubts into boundless opportunities.
Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist for 10 plus years; empowering high-achieving women in business to conquer both professional heights and personal fulfillment. She doesn’t do bandaids!
Veronica has a unique approach to overcoming obstacles and smashing through the glass ceilings that loom over ambitious women. With her arsenal of practical tools, actionable strategies, and unwavering support, Veronica doesn’t just help women succeed in their careers – she helps them thrive in every facet of their lives.

But Veronica’s expertise isn’t just theoretical – it’s personal. With over 24 years of marriage, three daughters, and a soaring career, Veronica embodies the resilience and determination needed to navigate life’s challenges. As a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Group Private Practice Owner, of Outside The Norm Counseling, Marriage Coach, and the voice behind the Empowered and Unapologetic podcast, Veronica effortlessly guides women to challenge themselves beyond their comfort zones.

Veronica is more than an expert – she’s a partner in transformation, turning mundane relationships into true connections. With her relatable charm and infectious humor, Veronica illuminates the path for women who refuse to settle for anything less than success in both business and relationships. Through practical tips, heartfelt anecdotes, and her trademark wit, Veronica empowers every woman to cultivate unbreakable bonds without sacrificing their ambitions.

Whether you listen to the podcast, join the free Facebook community, or do the Workshop,  you’re in the right place. Let’s do this together!

Thanks for listening!

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