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Talking to your kids about cancer might feel like one of the hardest conversations you’ll ever have, but as a mother, it’s a conversation that can strengthen your family’s resilience in ways you never imagined.

Welcome back to another episode of the Empowered and Unapologetic podcast. I’m Veronica Cisneros, your host and Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, and today we’re diving into a heavy, but necessary, topic: talking to your kids about cancer. 

I know—it’s not something anyone wants to discuss, but if you or a loved one is dealing with a cancer diagnosis, it’s something that needs to be addressed. We’ve been getting an increasing number of calls from families who are struggling with how to start these conversations with their children. Whether you’ve just received a diagnosis or lost a loved one, this episode is about how to navigate those tough discussions, support your children emotionally, and build resilience in your family.

So let’s dive in.

Summary

• Talking to your kids about cancer is necessary.
• Kids often pick up on more than we realize.
• Don’t panic. Your kids need to know they’re safe.
• Honesty is critical and your kids can handle more.
• Don’t be afraid to show your emotions.
• Therapy can be a game changer.
• Resilience isn’t something they’re born with.
• Encourage open dialogue, even when it’s uncomfortable.
• Teens often open up more through activities.
• You’re not expected to navigate this alone.

The Emotional Impact on Your Kids: What to Watch For

When you’re dealing with cancer, one of the hardest parts is balancing your own emotional processing with being there for your children. You may think that if your child isn’t asking questions, then maybe they’re okay. But here’s the truth: kids pick up on more than we realize.

They’re experts at noticing changes in behavior, tone, and routines. While they may not verbalize their worries, they can still be affected emotionally. Often, kids will internalize their feelings, showing signs of distress through their behavior rather than words.

Signs of Emotional Distress

Here are some common signs that your child might be struggling to process the news:

• Withdrawal: Your child may become quieter or spend more time alone. This is a sign that they might be trying to protect themselves emotionally or even protect you from additional stress.
• Acting Out: You might notice irritability, frustration, or sudden changes in behavior. A normally easygoing child may start having more emotional outbursts or tantrums.
• Over-responsibility: This one is huge, especially for older children. They may feel like they need to step up and take on more responsibilities at home. This can lead to anxiety or even depression if left unchecked.

Let me give you an example. I worked with a family where the mother was diagnosed with cancer, and her 11-year-old daughter started isolating herself. She wasn’t asking questions, but her teachers noticed she wasn’t engaging in class. At home, she would go straight to her room. After digging deeper, we found that she was overwhelmed by the diagnosis but didn’t know how to express her fears.

“Kids can internalize stress without showing it right away, so even if they’re not talking about it, they’re likely feeling it.” – Veronica Cisneros

Starting the Conversation: How to Talk About Cancer

Now that we’ve touched on how your kids may be feeling, let’s discuss how to start the conversation about your diagnosis.

First, I know firsthand how overwhelming it can feel to be diagnosed with cancer. You’re trying to make sense of your own emotions, and now you have to figure out how to explain it to your kids in a way that supports their emotional wellbeing. Trust me, this is one of the hardest things you’ll do as a parent, but honesty is crucial. Your kids can handle more than you think.

Tailoring the Conversation by Age

• For younger children, simplicity is key. They don’t need all the details, but they do need reassurance. You might say, “Mommy has something called cancer, and the doctors are helping me get better. It’s going to take some time, but we’ll go through this together.”
• For older kids or teenagers, you can be more direct. “I’ve been diagnosed with cancer. It’s serious, but I’m getting treatment, and we’re going to take it step by step.”

Encourage your kids to ask questions. It’s important that they feel in control of their understanding of what’s happening. Whether they’re asking about the diagnosis itself or how treatment will affect their lives, their questions give you the opportunity to clarify things and offer comfort.

“Honesty is critical, and your kids can handle more than you think.” – Veronica Cisneros

Practical Tools for Ongoing Conversations

Once you’ve opened up the conversation, it’s important to keep communication lines open. One way I’ve found to help my kids share their feelings is by having a daily check-in where we share two good things and one tough thing about our day. This method makes it easier for them to talk about harder subjects and gives me a glimpse into what’s on their mind.

Another tool we use in my family is what I call the “silver jar” method. My husband, Willie, typed out a bunch of questions—hundreds of them—and cut them into little pieces that we placed in a jar. These questions range from fun topics to more serious ones, and whenever we’re at dinner, we pull a question out of the jar. It’s a simple, but powerful way to engage in deeper conversations with our kids. Even when friends or boyfriends come over, we use this as a way to bring everyone closer and have meaningful discussions.

“Consistency is key. Your kids might not open up the first time you ask, but over time they’ll realize it’s a safe space to express their emotions.” – Veronica Cisneros

Navigating Your Own Emotions

Let’s be real—this conversation is tough. You don’t have to be a superhero for your kids. It’s okay to show your emotions. In fact, showing that you’re human and that you’re scared or sad teaches your kids that it’s okay for them to feel those things too. You don’t need to hide your feelings to protect them. By being vulnerable, you help your children understand that emotions are a natural part of this difficult journey.

You can say, “Yes, this is tough, and it’s okay to feel scared. But we’re going to face this together.”

The Role of Therapy

I can’t stress enough how valuable therapy can be—not just for you, but for your kids too. Kids need a neutral space to process their feelings, away from the worry of how their emotions might impact you.

I’ve seen families come into my office where the parents wanted to address the situation with all the children at once. But after a thorough assessment, we realized that the kids were at different stages of processing the diagnosis. It became clear that each child needed their own sessions to express themselves freely without feeling responsible for each other’s emotions.

This is where therapy can be life-changing. It gives your children tools for emotion regulation, helps them process their feelings, and teaches them how to set healthy boundaries. Over time, this helps the entire family communicate better and feel more prepared to face whatever comes next.

“Therapy offers a neutral space where your kids can express their feelings without the pressure of worrying about your reaction.” – Veronica Cisneros

Building Resilience Together

At the end of the day, the goal is to help your children build resilience. Cancer is an incredibly difficult journey, but it’s also an opportunity to show your kids that while life has its struggles, you’re strong enough to face them together. With open communication, emotional support, and the help of therapy, your family can come out of this stronger and more connected than ever.

Remember, you don’t have to do this alone. Whether it’s through conversations with your kids, therapy, or the support of loved ones, there are people and resources to help guide you through.

Thank you for joining me in this deeply important discussion. You’ve got this. We’re in this together.

“Cancer is a tough journey, but with open communication, emotional support, and therapy, your family can grow stronger through it.” – Veronica Cisernos

TALK TO A THERAPIST

If you’re feeling stuck and ready to explore these challenges more deeply, consider reaching out for professional help. Here at Outside the Norm Counseling, we’re here to support you on your journey to self-discovery and confidence. For more information, go to Outside the Norm Counseling or call us at 951-395-3288.

Thank you for joining me today. Remember, you are beautiful, you are worthy and empowered. Until next time, stay unapologetically you. Bye for now.

Useful links:

• Join our FaceBook Page – Empowered and Unapologetic
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• Follow me on Instagram
• Check out the new website! https://veronicacisneros.org/
• Outside The Norm Counseling – 951 395 3288 call to schedule an appointment today!
• 5 Things that are Killing your Marriage Free Guide available at www.veronicacisneros.org

Meet Veronica Cisneros

As a leading authority in women’s empowerment and a fierce advocate for building strong networks, Veronica is your go-to guru for turning fears into victories, struggles into strengths, and doubts into boundless opportunities.
Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist for 10 plus years; empowering high-achieving women in business to conquer both professional heights and personal fulfillment. She doesn’t do bandaids!
Veronica has a unique approach to overcoming obstacles and smashing through the glass ceilings that loom over ambitious women. With her arsenal of practical tools, actionable strategies, and unwavering support, Veronica doesn’t just help women succeed in their careers – she helps them thrive in every facet of their lives.

But Veronica’s expertise isn’t just theoretical – it’s personal. With over 24 years of marriage, three daughters, and a soaring career, Veronica embodies the resilience and determination needed to navigate life’s challenges. As a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Group Private Practice Owner, of Outside The Norm Counseling, Marriage Coach, and the voice behind the Empowered and Unapologetic podcast, Veronica effortlessly guides women to challenge themselves beyond their comfort zones.

Veronica is more than an expert – she’s a partner in transformation, turning mundane relationships into true connections. With her relatable charm and infectious humor, Veronica illuminates the path for women who refuse to settle for anything less than success in both business and relationships. Through practical tips, heartfelt anecdotes, and her trademark wit, Veronica empowers every woman to cultivate unbreakable bonds without sacrificing their ambitions.

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