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What really affects a mom’s mood after having a baby? How do you keep your relationship strong through the chaos?

In this episode of the Empowered and Unapologetic Podcast, I sat down with Jess Hull — former Google and Facebook employee and the incredible founder of Mother Me, a support app for successful women who want to do more than just survive their postpartum — to talk about the real, unfiltered side of motherhood. 

Jess opened up about her own experiences as a mom and shared some powerful insights on the importance of taking care of yourself, leaning on your partner, and how crucial it is to have honest, open communication. This conversation delves into the emotional, physical, and relational challenges mothers experience—and how we can be better prepared to face them.

Summary:

• Mothers often feel invisible during the postpartum period.
• Quality of sleep and relationships significantly impact postpartum mood.
• Breastfeeding decisions can affect hormonal balance and mood.
• Open communication with partners is crucial for emotional well-being.
• Regular check-ins with partners can enhance relationship satisfaction.
• Self-care is essential and should be prioritized by mothers.
• Support systems are vital for navigating motherhood challenges.
• Understanding postpartum changes can reduce feelings of isolation.
• Mothers should not feel guilty for seeking help and support.
• Creating a meal plan can aid in postpartum recovery.

The Myth of “Having It All”

When Jess entered motherhood while working at Facebook, she thought having great healthcare benefits and employee perks would ensure a smooth transition into postpartum life. But soon after her first child was born, reality hit. Despite the support she received at work, she felt an overwhelming sense of isolation. Society’s focus on the baby, while the mother’s needs were sidelined, became glaringly obvious. Jess wasn’t prepared for the physical, emotional, and mental toll that postpartum would take on her, and it left her feeling disconnected, both from herself and from those around her.

As Jess described it, society expects mothers to “do it all”—return to work, be a perfect mom, and maintain relationships—without any cracks showing. But the immense pressure to be everything to everyone took its toll on her physical and mental health. After the birth of her second child, Jess began feeling the strain of juggling two kids under two, an unhealed body, and a demanding career. Her story is a powerful reminder that no matter how “put together” a mother may seem on the outside, the inside can tell a very different story.

Mother Me: A Data-Driven Approach to Postpartum

Jess’s professional experience at Facebook and Google taught her to ask big, bold questions. She applied this strategy to her postpartum life, leading her to dive into research on how factors like sleep, diet, and relationships impact postpartum mood. What she discovered was eye-opening: there was little support tailored specifically to high-achieving women facing postpartum struggles.

That’s when she decided to create Mother Me, an app designed to offer data-driven solutions for new mothers. Jess believes that just as we prepare for marriage or big career milestones, we need to prepare for motherhood in a similar way. Mother Me is her response to the overwhelming gap in resources, offering a more scientific approach to helping women thrive rather than just survive during this challenging period.

The Role of Partners in Postpartum Wellness

One of the most important parts of our conversation was about the role of partners in supporting a mother’s emotional well-being. Jess was very candid about how, in the early days of motherhood, she expected her husband to know exactly what she needed—without her having to say a word. It wasn’t until they both began to communicate more effectively that their relationship improved.

“People with young children really struggle in their relationship and nobody talks about it. And now what I know from the Gottman research is they say almost 70 % of couples with kids under two have a decline in relationship satisfaction. And I don’t know when you heard that number for the first time, but when I did, I was like, somebody’s lying. It has to be 95%. I’m sorry. It’s everybody.” Jess Hull

Jess mentioned how pivotal it was for them to use relationship-building tools like those from the Gottman Method. By taking ownership of her emotions and communicating them clearly, she saw a marked difference in how she and her husband navigated parenthood together. I couldn’t agree more with Jess—communication is key. So often, as women, we fall into the trap of expecting our partners to read our minds, which only leads to frustration and resentment. But by learning how to express our needs, we can prevent a lot of those feelings from taking root.

Breastfeeding and Postpartum Identity

The decision to breastfeed or not is another area that Jess touched on during our talk. She openly shared that for her, choosing not to breastfeed was empowering. It helped her reclaim a sense of self and allowed her husband to play a more active role in feeding their children. For many women, breastfeeding can be a source of pressure and guilt, but Jess believes it’s about doing what feels right for you, not what society expects. She highlighted that the postpartum journey is different for every woman, and the key is figuring out what works best for your own physical and emotional health.

Communicating Through the Chaos

Jess’s journey wasn’t all smooth sailing, and one story she shared really stuck with me. She recalled how a stranger in an elevator once advised her, “Don’t divorce until your youngest child is at least five years old.” While it seemed like odd advice at the time, Jess said it made her reflect on how much parenting can strain a relationship.

This story hit home for me, especially when Jess mentioned that nearly 70% of couples with kids under two report a decline in relationship satisfaction. Parenthood isn’t just about raising children—it’s about maintaining and nurturing your relationship through the chaos. Jess and I agreed that preparing couples for the relationship challenges that come with parenthood is crucial. As Jess suggested, we need something like a “baby-proof your relationship” boot camp to help couples maintain a strong connection during those early, often turbulent, years of raising kids.

Creating Space for Connection

Jess shared practical strategies for keeping the connection alive with your partner while raising young children. She emphasizes the importance of having regular communication sessions, carving out time for date nights, and ensuring that both partners have outlets for self-care. These strategies are essential for preventing burnout and maintaining balance in a relationship.

“I would say equally important is having a dedicated time to just be husband and wife again, or be partners again and be fun and not talk about kids. And my husband and I instituted like a regular date night, you know, that without fail, even sometimes we just go, you know, grocery shopping together and, you know, do fun things together that just without kids is a lot more enjoyable.” Jess Hull

One thing that stood out to me was Jess’s point about how in the U.S., mothers are often expected to manage everything on their own—while in other cultures, there’s a strong emphasis on communal support. We aren’t meant to go through motherhood alone. Support systems, whether through family, friends, or technology like Mother Me, are vital in helping mothers feel seen and supported.

Matrescence: The Journey of Becoming a Mother

I loved when Jess introduced the concept of matrescence, the process of becoming a mother, which she compared to adolescence. Just as teenagers go through a significant identity shift, so do mothers. Understanding this process helps reduce anxiety and feelings of isolation because it frames the transition into motherhood as a normal and natural life stage—one that deserves attention and care.

Jess highlighted how high-achieving women, in particular, can struggle with accepting help because they view it as a weakness. She encourages women to embrace support, explaining that receiving help is an essential part of thriving postpartum. Jess’s own journey during her current pregnancy, her fourth, has taught her the importance of planning for postpartum, especially when it comes to nutrition and physical recovery.

Leading by Example: Self-Care for Mothers

Self-care isn’t just a buzzword; it’s an essential part of maintaining mental and physical health, especially for mothers. Jess made a great point when she said that by prioritizing her own well-being, she sets a positive example for her children. It’s a reminder that self-care is not selfish—it’s a way to show our children how to care for themselves.

“The third thing that I would say has helped us both tremendously is having individual outlets. So my husband does a golf league on Tuesday nights, and rather than resent him for doing that, I started playing tennis. And I said, you know what, I’m doing this this night. So then we each have a night alone with the three kids. And he is more than capable of putting them all to bed.” Jess Hull

Jess also shared several resources available through her website, motherme.io, including a pregnancy guide, couples conversation guide, and a postpartum wellness course. These tools are designed to help mothers navigate the complexities of motherhood while maintaining their sense of self.

Empowering Mothers to Thrive, Not Just Survive

Our conversation with Jess Hull was a reminder of the challenges that come with motherhood and the importance of support, self-care, and communication. Jess’s journey is an inspiration for mothers everywhere, and her work with Mother Me is making a meaningful difference in how women approach the postpartum period.

Motherhood is hard, but with the right tools, resources, and support systems in place, we can thrive—not just survive—this incredible journey.

Talk to a Therapist

If you’re struggling with postpartum challenges, stress, anxiety, or just feeling overwhelmed, know that you don’t have to go through it alone. At Outside The Norm Counseling, we specialize in providing compassionate support to help you navigate these tough moments. Our experienced therapists are here to listen, guide, and empower you to find balance and peace. Reach out to us today at Outside The Norm Counseling and take the first step toward feeling better.

Meet Jess Hull

Jess Hull is a former Facebook and Google executive who founded Mother Me, which is an app, online course, and support framework for successful women who want to do more than just survive their postpartum. The system she developed is called The Mother Me Method and it’s based on the science and data of Matrescence as well as incorporating global perspectives on how other countries and cultures support postpartum women.

Jess approaches her work more from an academic standpoint vs. a clinical perspective. She has done extensive research on matrescence and maternal health and seeks practical solutions that can help busy women. Known for her enthusiasm, humor and compelling speaking, Jess resonates with so many women because she combines her passion for sharing a data driven approach with her personal experiences and her ability to relate to the universal challenges and joys of motherhood.

In her research and in her experience, Jess often felt that moms and their wellbeing were an afterthought.  It’s what motivated her to start her company and name it Mother Me – as a call to action to recognize that moms need and deserve the same love and care we so instinctually give to our newborns. 

Mother (verb): to treat a person with great kindness and love and to try to protect them from anything dangerous or difficult

“With her natural charisma, Jess speaks to our hearts and with her wit and intelligence, she changes our minds.” – Heather Liddell, managing director at Google

Website: https://www.motherme.io/ 

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/motherme.io/ 

FB Page: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100090598076999 

LinkedIn Profile:https://www.linkedin.com/in/jessicalucciohull/

TALK TO A THERAPIST

If you’re feeling stuck and ready to explore these challenges more deeply, consider reaching out for professional help. Here at Outside the Norm Counseling, we’re here to support you on your journey to self-discovery and confidence. For more information, go to Outside the Norm Counselingor call us at 951-395-3288.

Thank you for joining me today. Remember, you are beautiful, you are worthy and empowered. Until next time, stay unapologetically you. Bye for now.

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• Outside The Norm Counseling – 951 395 3288 call to schedule an appointment today!
• 5 Things that are Killing your Marriage Free Guide available at www.veronicacisneros.org

Meet Veronica Cisneros

As a leading authority in women’s empowerment and a fierce advocate for building strong networks, Veronica is your go-to guru for turning fears into victories, struggles into strengths, and doubts into boundless opportunities.
Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist for 10 plus years; empowering high-achieving women in business to conquer both professional heights and personal fulfillment. She doesn’t do bandaids!
Veronica has a unique approach to overcoming obstacles and smashing through the glass ceilings that loom over ambitious women. With her arsenal of practical tools, actionable strategies, and unwavering support, Veronica doesn’t just help women succeed in their careers – she helps them thrive in every facet of their lives.

But Veronica’s expertise isn’t just theoretical – it’s personal. With over 24 years of marriage, three daughters, and a soaring career, Veronica embodies the resilience and determination needed to navigate life’s challenges. As a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Group Private Practice Owner, of Outside The Norm Counseling, Marriage Coach, and the voice behind the Empowered and Unapologetic podcast, Veronica effortlessly guides women to challenge themselves beyond their comfort zones.

Veronica is more than an expert – she’s a partner in transformation, turning mundane relationships into true connections. With her relatable charm and infectious humor, Veronica illuminates the path for women who refuse to settle for anything less than success in both business and relationships. Through practical tips, heartfelt anecdotes, and her trademark wit, Veronica empowers every woman to cultivate unbreakable bonds without sacrificing their ambitions.

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