Have you ever felt like your husband doesn’t respect your work or individual deadlines as he expects you to respect his? Have you been asked to reschedule one of your work appointments to look after the kids because he also has one? A tough pill to swallow: how are you contributing to this situation for yourself?

In this episode, I discuss the default parent trap that many high-achieving women find themselves in. I share personal experiences and conversations with friends to highlight the challenges faced by default parents. In this podcast I explore the impact of being a default parent on motherhood and marriages, emphasizing the need for communication and self-care. I encourage listeners to reflect on their motivations and expectations and offer actionable steps to break free from the default parent role.

Listen out as I introduce Empower X, a membership community for high-achieving women seeking personal and professional growth. Click the above link for more information.

Summary

• What is the default parent trap?
• Remember where you have the ability to change
• The impact on motherhood and marriage
• How to fix and change this situation

What is the default parent trap?

Being a high-achiever is no small feat, where you balance personal goals, your career, and family life while maintaining your marriage. It’s a life path that already asks a lot of you, and so when someone else asks more, it can feel like an impossible and unfair task.

It’s a silent struggle that many high-achieving women face.

If you are in the default parent role, you might be experiencing things like:

• The constant pressure to have it all together
• Guilt when things slip through the cracks
• A relentless feeling of not being able to keep this up, and that fear is crippling

Some symptoms of the default parent trap to watch out for include burnout, heightened stress levels, this persistent sense of overwhelm. An inability to go to sleep and stay asleep without thinking about all of the things you have to do tomorrow, or all of the things you have yet to complete. (Veronica Cisneros)

Join EMPOWER X – Click here to apply

Remember where you have the ability to change

You do have control, just not maybe in the way that you think. You can’t control life, and you can’t control other people, but you CAN and should control how you react and respond to both of these aspects.

You have the ability – and the responsibility – to set and maintain boundaries, as well as communicate effectively where you are at, when you need help, or when something needs to change.

Unfortunately, when you make a tough realization about your life, it can be hard to understand how you have been complicit in making it a reality – but that’s also the good part!

Since this reality came to be from your (lack) of decisions or actions, it can also be changed by your intentional decisions and actions.

What this podcast episode is really laser-focused on is how are you a part of this problem. How are you a part of creating this position for yourself as the default parent? Yeah, some things feel forced on us, but without boundaries, without proper communication, we’ll go ahead and compromise ourselves to meet the needs of the family. (Veronica Cisneros)

The impact on motherhood and marriage

How does being the default parent affect your relationship with your kids? Our kids deserve the best version of us, and when we’re spread too thin, everyone loses.

Has your crazy schedule had you looking at your child – even for a moment – as another task that you have to sort out before moving on to the next thing?

In marriage, the default parent trap can lead to huge arguments, and even resentment over time if it goes unaddressed.

If there are conversations that you’re avoiding, those emotions that are building up for you, feeling as if you’re keeping score. If the default parent trap goes unaddressed it has the ability to take your marriage down. (Veronica Cisneros)

Join EMPOWER X – Click here to apply

How to fix and change this situation

First things first:

• Why are you doing this?
• What is the impact of running yourself into the ground?
• Are you waiting for someone to give you permission?
• Why are you not prioritizing self-care?

Why did I need someone to tell me to rest? Why did I need that validation? Why did I need that permission? Now I want you guys to think about why you’re doing it. Why do you do the things you do? Why do you take on the role as the default parent, maybe unintentionally? (Veronica Cisneros)

Positive change can 100% happen – you’ve just got to be a part of that change because it starts with you!

If you want some additional support to build a strong foundation for this new change that you’re going to create in your life, consider joining my Mastermind Group with other like-minded women who are sharing your own experience too.

Useful links:

• Join our FaceBook Page – Empowered and Unapologetic
• Join EMPOWER X – Click here to apply
• Take the Marriage Predictor quiz!
• Follow me on Instagram
• Check out the new website! https://veronicacisneros.org/
• Outside The Norm Counseling – 951 395 3288 call to schedule an appointment today!
• 5 Things that are Killing your Marriage Free Guide available at www.veronicacisneros.org

Meet Veronica Cisneros

Hello, my name is Veronica Cisneros, I am a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Marriage Coach, Course Creator, Retreat Host, Mother of 3, married for 23 years, host of the Empowered and Unapologetic podcast, and owner of a group private practice called Outside The Norm Counseling.

A lot of couples struggle with setting aside intentional time to connect and communicate. They yearn for meaningful conversations that don’t lead to arguments.

1 month away from divorce, I realized I had to do something different. For years I had compromised myself to meet the needs of my husband and my child, I lost myself and was about to lose my marriage. After years of personal growth and self-reflection, I not only reclaimed my identity, and celebrated 23 years of marriage but also helped hundreds of couples transform their marriage from feeling like roommates to experiencing a deeper love.

I am on a mission to help couples reignite the fire by providing them with the skills to have the relationship they deserve.

Whether you listen to the podcast, join the free Facebook community, or do the Workshop,  you’re in the right place. Let’s do this together!

Thanks for listening!

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