What Women should know about Men’s Sexual Performance with Brian Ayers | EU 1486 min read

December 19, 2022

Have you and your partner had issues in the bedroom? How do your and your husband’s body change as you both age? Do you need to have the bedroom talk with your husband? In today’s podcast, we are joined by Brian Ayers aka Uncle B. Brian helps us ladies understand men’s sexual performance from the […]

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I am a licensed marriage and family therapist, marriage coach, course creator, retreat host, mother of 3, married for 23 years and host of the Empowered and Unapologetic podcast. 


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Have you and your partner had issues in the bedroom? How do your and your husband’s body change as you both age? Do you need to have the bedroom talk with your husband?

In today’s podcast, we are joined by Brian Ayers aka Uncle B. Brian helps us ladies understand men’s sexual performance from the male’s perspective. I had so many aha moments in this episode and it is really helpful. You don’t want to miss this episode, you will learn all about what it takes for men to have optimal sexual performance.

Meet Brian Ayers

Brian “Uncle B” Ayers is a men’s sexual performance coach with over 22 years of experience. His research into men’s sexual health lead him to create the Men’s Sexual Performance Scale and the revolutionary ESEIS 25 sexual health program along with 2 books “How To Be A Better Lover In 30 Days or Less” and “Go Hard”.

Uncle B connects with people by showing an easy way to build lifelong health without relying on medications. He focuses on helping people build stronger relationships by having superior health for a fulfilling sex life.

Connect with Brian on the website, YouTube, Facebook, Instagram, TikTok, and Twitter.

In This Podcast


  • Consider the environment
  • Patriarchal standards hurt men
  • Foreplay is for men too
  • Maintaining the momentum in the bedroom
  • How to have the bedroom talk with your partner

Consider the environment

The food that you eat, how much your lifestyle has you in front of electronics or sitting down, how frequently or infrequently you stress about things, and what you do to unwind – these all impact your physical and mental health.

We’re in an artificial environment and the things that we’re doing daily are not helping. (Brian Ayers)

For men, especially, the 80/20 rule shows that 80% of the impact on their sexual performance is environmental and the other 20% is psychological. For women, it’s the opposite.

Patriarchal standards hurt men

The belief that men and women are opposites and should act in certain ways is damaging and harmful to them all.

Men are taught and expected to be relatively emotionless and to be okay without receiving almost any platonic intimacy, either from their partner or friends.

This means that men nearly crave being sexual with their partners because it is almost the only time that they can be kissed, held, or hugged.

You don’t have the physical touch, you don’t have the emotional or stimulation going on, and so all that leads up to is that you’re not able to perform, and, the main thing that’s missing for guys is the foreplay. (Brian Ayers)

Foreplay is for men too

Depending on their environment and what they do during the day, men’s testosterone levels can become impacted. However, to perform and enjoy themselves, they need testosterone levels and foreplay as well, even if they may not think so.
Foreplay begins long before you and your partner enter the bedroom. It includes having a healthy lifestyle, respecting and caring for each other, and also for yourself, allowing you to share your best self with your partner too.

Maintaining the momentum in the bedroom

For most husbands that I’ve talked to, they’re just happy their wife engaged in sex – they don’t give a shit about what she looks like, they don’t give a shit about those 10 pounds … he doesn’t care, he’s just glad you picked him to have sex with. (Veronica Cisneros)

What happens when the erection goes away during sex? Firstly, with aging and a decrease in testosterone, this is considered normal.

It can be reversed and improved, but the husband needs to make some lifestyle and mental changes for this to happen.

Regarding feeling embarrassed in the bedroom, even though this is a “normal” response, it doesn’t have to end there.

Recognize the strange moment, and take back control by continuing the intimacy and the intimate moment with your partner.

For the ladies, just to know if he’s having sex with you then he wants to have sex with you he’s not thinking about your weight at all, he’s enjoying himself. (Brian Ayers)

Ladies, if your husband loses his erection during sex, reassure him that it’s not a be-all-end-all moment. Remind each other that it doesn’t define your relationship, and keep loving on each other, even – and especially – as your bodies may change.

How to have the bedroom talk with your partner

Encourage him to find help, like speaking with Brian Ayers.

He needs to figure out why it is happening because your husband is more likely to avoid talking about it if he doesn’t understand why it happens.

One important thing to do is not to talk about it right there and then you’re already vulnerable, and the suspect is still at the crime scene that’s not a good time to bring up the topic. (Brian Ayers)

Do not have the “we need to talk about your erections and your health” talk right in the middle of the bedroom during an intimate moment, or just after one because you will both feel embarrassed and vulnerable.

If you want to bring it up, show that you have an interest in being intimate with your husband and ask how they feel about it, what their patterns were, and if they have done anything different from the last time there may have been an issue.

That’s when you’re in a state where it’s like well now he wants to do something and you’re helping him by saying, “Hey, you want to have sex? Let me help you get to your goal.” That’s a much easier time to have this conversation. (Brian Ayers)

Books mentioned:

Brian Ayers – How to be a Better Lover in 3 Days or Less: Bedroom Performance Lessons for Men

Brian Ayers – Go Hard

Useful links:

Meet Veronica Cisneros

Veronica Cisneros | Empowered And Unapologetic PodcastI’m a licensed therapist and women walk into my office every day stressed and disconnected. As a mom of three daughters, I want my girls to know who they are and feel confident about their future. I can’t think of a better way to help other women than by demonstrating an empowered and unapologetic life.

So I started  Empowered and Unapologetic to be a safe space for women to be vulnerable and change their lives for the better before she ever needs to see a therapist.

Whether you listen to the podcast, join the free Facebook communityjoin the VIP community, or attend our annual retreat,  you’re in the right place. Let’s do this together!

Thanks for listening!

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I’m Veronica, your new Boss MOM Mentor with no filter and no BS. 

I'm a licensed marriage and family therapist, women’s coach, course creator, and retreat host. Married for OVER 20 years, raising three girls, and the host of the Empowered and Unapologetic podcast. 

Enough about me… 

My jam? Helping high-achieving women thrive both at home and in the hustle of work.

I've been there.

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