When you got married I am sure you did not sign up for celibacy, right? Do you find yourself having less sex than you want to? So here you are, in a marriage with no sex or intimacy and you are not sure how to get it back. Maybe one of the reasons could be that you are your partner struggling to find the time to have sex? Maybe you don’t know what to do to spice up your sex life?
Girl, we’ve got you! In this podcast episode, I speak with one of my dearest friends, a sister from another mister, Dr. Nazanin Moali, in this podcast we will be having an open and raw conversation about the 4 mistakes wives make in the bedroom and how to fix it.
Meet Dr. Nazanin Moali
Dr. Nazanin Moali is an internationally-recognized psychologist, educator, sex therapist, and podcaster.
Her private practice is located in Los Angeles and she specializes in working with couples and individuals struggling with issues of sex and intimacy.
She hosts a weekly podcast called Sexology introducing the most intriguing findings in the psychology of sex and intimacy.
In This Podcast
- Not prioritizing sex
- Expecting your partner to know what you want
- Thinking that sex will automatically be good
- Viewing sexual desire as a light switch
Not prioritizing sex
It is important to make sure that you are prioritizing sex by scheduling it … most people start their marriage with a passionate sexual experience, but when life happens, when you have kids, it becomes less of a priority. (Dr. Nazanin Moali)
At the beginning of many relationships and marriages, sex is passionate, frequent, and joyful. However, as time goes on and life gets busy with work, housekeeping, and minding the children, sex becomes less of a priority.
How do you solve issues with finding time for things in your day? By scheduling it into your calendar.
We have this misconception that scheduled sex is not good sex, that sex is something that has to happen spontaneously. (Dr. Nazanin Moali)
But contrary to this, how would it be possible to have spontaneous sex when you and your husband both have full work schedules and you are dealing with kids in the house? Scheduling sex is an interesting solution to a tricky problem. It does not even have to be sex, it can be scheduled intimacy – a time where you and your partner are prioritizing spending time alone and focusing on one another.
Expecting your partner to know what you want
It is not feasible to expect your partner to know what you want in the bedroom, and it is a trap that many couples fall into thinking that their partner is right for them if they know everything without communication.
Tell your partner what you want, what you like, what you do not like, and have them share the same with you.
Consider also suggesting something new that you both can try.
One thing that makes relationships exciting is adding some novelty to them and communicating about what you want. (Dr. Nazanin Moali)
Try incorporating new things by:
- Spending time with your partner in “naked happy-hour” moments
- Talking about your fantasies
- Getting ideas from movies or books
- Reading erotica aloud with your partner
- Adding toys or trying new variations of old positions
Come to new aspects to sex with openness and playfulness.
Thinking that sex will automatically be good
Some people think that having a great relationship with your partner means that the sex with automatically be good. This is not always the case.
Having a great sexual relationship takes time to build and stands apart from your actual relationship. Of course, having a great relationship can help your sexual relationship, but it is not enough on its own.
Creating this erotic relationship with your partner is important by showing a different part of yourself, and showing your erotic self. (Dr. Nazanin Moali)
Co-create a great sexual relationship with your partner instead of expecting it.
Viewing sexual desire as a light switch
Your desire and sexual nature are not things that you can turn on like a light switch. Think of your sensuality and sexuality like a garden: you are in the process of planting new seeds, encouraging growth, and relishing in the fruits of your labor.
Encourage sexual thoughts, read erotica, listen to sensual music, spend time dancing and being naked with joy, playfulness, and curiosity.
Self-care is important to feeling sexy.
- A Husband’s Guide To Surviving Valentine’s Day | EU 104
- Dr. Nazanin Moali’s Podcast
- FREE Guide Download – 5 Mistakes to Avoid for a Healthy Marriage
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Meet Veronica Cisneros
I’m a licensed therapist and women walk into my office every day stressed and disconnected. As a mom of three daughters, I want my girls to know who they are and feel confident about their future. I can’t think of a better way to help other women than by demonstrating an empowered and unapologetic life.
So I started Empowered and Unapologetic to be a safe space for women to be vulnerable and change their lives for the better before she ever needs to see a therapist.
Thanks for listening!
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