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How to Deal with a Negative Husband: Tips from a Therapist | EU 1026 min read

January 31, 2022

Your Husband walks in and he is in a mood…again. He starts yelling at the kids, he starts yelling and complaining about all the things that have not been done, or even starts picking up things around the house and get grumpy for having to do so. And just like that, you feel as though […]

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I am a licensed marriage and family therapist, marriage coach, course creator, retreat host, mother of 3, married for 23 years and host of the Empowered and Unapologetic podcast. 

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Your Husband walks in and he is in a mood…again. He starts yelling at the kids, he starts yelling and complaining about all the things that have not been done, or even starts picking up things around the house and get grumpy for having to do so. And just like that, you feel as though all your happiness and the great day you have been having get sucked right out of you. It feels like day in and day out there is always negativity from him. Is this happening to you Mama? Do you personalize your Husband’s mood and let it affect your day? Do you often feel undervalued and unseen?

In this podcast episode, I will be answering a question that was submitted to me. The question goes: Could you talk about how to deal with a negative husband, and how I cannot let his mood influence my day. I get very wrapped up in his energy.

Join me on this podcast episode where I go further into detail about how to deal with a negative Husband.

In This Podcast

Summary

  • Identify why this triggers you
  • Take the role of the observer
  • Do not personalize
  • Live your life
  • Potential mental illness

Identify why this triggers you

When somebody has a negative outlook on life, it might come from [them] being highly criticized or having high expectations placed on them as a child. Your husband might be struggling with not only low self-esteem but also fear of being judged or constantly assessed or evaluated. (Veronica Cisneros)

In a calm context where the two of you can be quiet together, ask him; what was it like growing up in your household? How were you celebrated? What were the expectations placed on you?

This should come from a place of you wanting to get to know your husband, and at the same time, developing an understanding of what happened in his childhood.

Ladies, I’m going to tell you right now, this isn’t so that you have a therapy session with him and try to fix him … you are getting an idea of where this came from and that’s important … it’s important because we don’t want you to personalize anything. (Veronica Cisneros)

Getting to know your partner and how they behave is not only helpful for you to understand them better, but it helps you to not take the things they do or say personally.

Take the role of the observer

When you are having this conversation with your partner, just listen. Take on the role of the observer and let them speak.

Observe things such as:

– what your partner shares in open and vulnerable conversations

– how people behave around them

– how do people view them, such as his friends and colleagues and family

Does he have a lot of friends? What about no friends? Does he put on a fake persona when he’s around them? This will give you a good idea of the possibility of him being fearful of being ridiculed or judged. (Veronica Cisneros)

Again, you observe not because you want to fix it, but because it helps you to understand.

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Do not personalize

Avoid personalizing his criticisms. If he complains and is negative, the chances are slim that they are centered around you.

When someone is stuck in a negative pattern, they may not even be aware that they are being mean or critical.

Live your life

What things do you want to do in your life? Which things excite you?

You cannot change your partner. You cannot encourage him and do his hard work for him when it comes to getting his life together, because that is the work he has to do on his own.

His path is different from yours. Even though you are heading in a similar direction, his path will look different because of his insecurities and the issues that he needs to face.

If we’re able to go ahead and pursue the life we want to live, and we keep on that track, our partners will join us. I promise you your partner will join you, but it requires you to stay on that track. Otherwise, what’s going to happen … resentment. (Veronica Cisneros)

You will feel resentment if you put your life on hold in an attempt to wait for him to thrive.

Potential mental illness

If someone is perpetually caught in negativity, there may be a chance of mental illness. A continual and long-lasting negative mindset may be a sign of depression.

You can speak to your partner about this, but remember, your partner must be the one to seek help.

If you do the work in getting him a therapist, it is more than likely that he will not do the work in therapy himself. From day one, he needs to be the one who wants to get better.

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Meet Veronica Cisneros

Veronica Cisneros | Empowered And Unapologetic Podcast

Hello, my name is Veronica Cisneros, I am a licensed marriage and family therapist for over 7 years, a Group Private Practice owner, a Mother of 3, and married for 21 years. I help housewives transform their marriage, communicate effectively and build confidence. Like you, I also struggled with cutting through the communication barriers. I felt like there was no reason for my husband and I to feel unhappy because we had it all. We just felt disconnected and our conversations were filled with avoidance, kids’ hobbies, and schedules. 

I’ve helped plenty of couples in my private practice who struggled with similar issues. With my proven strategies and step-by-step skills, I’ve helped hundreds of women reignite their marriages. I am known for helping women step outside of their comfort zones, I don’t do bandaids, I only teach life-changing healing methods.

Whether you listen to the podcast, join the free Facebook community, or attend our annual retreat,  you’re in the right place. Let’s do this together!

Thanks for listening!

Did you enjoy this podcast? Feel free to share this podcast on social media! You can also leave a review of the Empowered and Unapologetic Podcast on Apple Podcast {previously iTunes) and subscribe!

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I’m Veronica, your new Boss Woman Mentor with no filter and no BS. 

I'm a licensed marriage and family therapist, women’s coach, course creator, and retreat host. Married for 23 years, raising three kids, and I'm also the host of the Empowered and Unapologetic podcast. My jam? Helping high-achieving women thrive both at home and in the hustle of work. 

I've been there.

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Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Marriage Coach, Course Creator, Retreat Host, Mother of 3, Married for over 20 years.

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