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There is an invisible weight so many women carry. You can see it in how capable they are, how dependable, how “together.” They are the ones holding the calendar, the marriage, the emotional temperature of the room. They are successful at work and exhausted at home. And somewhere between being needed and being praised, they quietly lose themselves.

That is why my conversation with Kamini Wood hit so deeply.

Kamini is a certified life coach, entrepreneur, and mom who understands people pleasing from the inside out. She lived the cycle of perfectionism, over giving, and chasing approval, only to realize that success without self trust still feels empty. Instead of ignoring that pain, she turned it into her purpose, helping high achieving women step out of burnout and into authentic living.

What we talked about was not surface level. It was about why smart, capable women still fall into people pleasing and how those patterns quietly erode intimacy in marriage and connection to self.

“Underneath people pleasing is often a belief of not being enough or needing to prove your worth in order to belong.”
— Kamini Wood

For many women, these patterns start early. Kamini shared how growing up as the daughter of immigrant parents and navigating a predominantly white environment shaped her desire to belong and not be a burden. That survival strategy followed her into adulthood. For others, the story looks different, but the belief is the same. If I keep everyone happy, I will be safe. I will be loved.

The problem is that people pleasing requires self abandonment. And when you abandon yourself long enough, anxiety, resentment, and emotional disconnection are not far behind.

One of the clearest signs Kamini sees is how disconnected women become from their own wants. Not knowing what you want for dinner. Deferring every decision. Feeling guilty for needing space. Living entirely inside your roles instead of your values.

“If you are constantly defining yourself by the roles you play, you lose sight of who you are and what you actually need.”
— Kamini Wood

In marriage, people pleasing can look like avoiding conflict, staying quiet to keep the peace, or doing emotional labor without asking for support. Women often believe this will create closeness, but it does the opposite. You cannot build intimacy while silencing yourself.

The turning point for Kamini came when she saw these patterns reflected in her own child. Combined with burnout and resentment, it became impossible to ignore.

“When we keep giving without boundaries, we eventually hit exhaustion and resentment. That is often the wake up call.”
— Kamini Wood

So where does change begin?

Kamini outlined three foundational steps. First, awareness. Naming that you are people pleasing instead of judging yourself for it. Second, reconnecting with your core needs and values. Third, identifying the false beliefs driving your behavior and gently challenging them.

Rebuilding self trust starts small. Choosing a parking spot. Making a decision without asking for reassurance. Noticing when your inner voice is actually guiding you well. Confidence grows through practice, not perfection.

And when it comes to boundaries, Kamini offered one powerful challenge. Say no to one thing today without explaining, defending, or justifying. Guilt may show up, but guilt is not a sign you did something wrong. It is a sign you are doing something new.

People pleasing does not make you a better wife, mom, or leader. It makes you disconnected from yourself. And the good news is that authenticity is not something you become. It is something you return to.

If this conversation resonates, ask yourself this tonight. Where have I been choosing approval over authenticity? And what would it look like to choose myself, just once, without apology?

Click here to talk to a therapist. Click here to take my on-demand 4-week course to reignite your marriage and reclaim your identity. Or, click here to explore my on-demand 2-hour workshop to reconnect with your partner.

Useful links:

• Join our FaceBook Page – Empowered and Unapologetic
• Follow me on Instagram
• Check out the new website! https://veronicacisneros.org/
• Outside The Norm Counseling – 951 395 3288 call to schedule an appointment today!
• 5 Things that are Killing your Marriage Free Guide available at www.veronicacisneros.org

Meet Kamini Wood

Growing up in a small Connecticut town as a first-generation American with immigrant parents, I navigated the complexities of identity and belonging. Feeling the pressure to blend in and seek external validation, I excelled academically and in helping others, driven by the belief that hard work equaled acceptance.

Becoming a mother of five while pursuing a career as a certified project manager, I realized my identity was externally defined. Raising high-performing young adults, I recognized people-pleasing behaviors in my children and felt a deep calling to reclaim my authenticity and self-leadership.

Seeking to realign with my true self, I embarked on a journey of self-discovery and self-validation. Becoming a certified life coach, I dove into my own self-work, learning to honor my feelings and emotions without judgment. Through self-compassion and self-love, I evolved into my own self-leader.

Today, as CEO and Founder of Live Joy Your Way and AuthenticMe®Life Coaching, I empower high-performing adults and young adults struggling with self-doubt and the need for external validation. My mission is to help others recognize their true value and stop outsourcing their self-worth.

Website https://www.kaminiwood.com/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/itsauthenticme/

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kaminiwood

Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/itsauthenticme/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/itsauthenticme/

Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCSVaEISjpaXsCdQGbE2lpUw

Meet Veronica Cisneros

Veronica Cisneros, LMFT, helps women stop fighting the same fight on repeat and start truly connecting in their relationships.

A Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with over 12 years of experience, Veronica specializes in helping high-achieving women break out of destructive conflict cycles and build healthier, more connected relationships—without losing themselves in the process.

As the founder of Outside the Norm Counseling, marriage coach, and host of the Empowered and Unapologetic podcast, Veronica brings a no-nonsense approach to relationship healing. Her clients know—she doesn’t do bandaids. She gets to the root.

Veronica’s guidance blends practical communication tools with deep emotional insight, empowering women to challenge old patterns, repair emotional wounds, and foster real, lasting change in their marriages and families. She’s walked the walk too—with over 25 years of marriage, three daughters, and a thriving career, she knows what it takes to navigate the messiness of love, parenting, and personal growth.

Whether she’s working with couples in her practice or coaching women through relationship burnout, Veronica helps people shift from blame and burnout to clarity, compassion, and collaboration. Her honest, relatable style—and that sharp wit—make her a trusted voice for women ready to stop surviving their relationships and start thriving in them.

Whether you listen to the podcast, join the free Facebook community, or do the Workshop,  you’re in the right place. Let’s do this together!

Thanks for listening!

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