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Picture this: your husband walks through the door after work, drops his keys, maybe mutters a quick hello, and then… he’s done for the day. Meanwhile, you’re still spinning ten plates in the air: dinner, homework, laundry, bedtime routines, and the never-ending mental checklist that makes your head feel like an overstuffed browser with 37 tabs open.

If you’ve ever thought, “Must be nice to clock out,” you’re not alone. I hear this all the time in my therapy office, and trust me, I’ve lived it too.

But let’s get real for a minute. The truth isn’t that your husband has some secret superpower that lets him clock out while you don’t. The truth is harder, and maybe a little annoying, to hear: you’re not giving yourself permission to clock out.

Yep, I said it. Buckle up.

The Power Struggle at Home

For years, I carried the entire household on my shoulders: doctor’s appointments, school projects, deployments, late nights. I was the machine that kept everything moving. And when my husband Willie retired from the Marine Corps and was suddenly home more often, I was building my practice, working 50 to 60 hours a week, and exhausted.

He’d complain I was gone too much, that the kids missed me, that I was missing out. And in my head, all I heard was, “You’re failing. You’re a bad mom. You can’t have both a career and a family.”

Of course, that’s not what he was saying. What he was really saying was, “I miss you. The kids miss you. I want you home.” But I couldn’t hear that through my own resentment and exhaustion.

And let’s be honest, I was resentful. I had sacrificed for years so he could thrive in his career. Now it was my turn, and he was complaining? Oh no, sir. Figure it out.

Sound familiar?

“Resentment builds when you keep score, and keeping score turns your partner into the enemy instead of your teammate.”

What we had was a classic case of the Four Horsemen of marital doom: criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. We were both guilty. We were both keeping score. And we were both losing.

What’s Really Happening When He “Clocks Out”

Here’s the tough pill to swallow: when it feels like he gets to clock out and you don’t, it’s not always because he’s lazy or selfish. Sometimes, it’s because you’ve told yourself a story that makes clocking out impossible.

The story might sound like:

• “If I step away, everything will fall apart.”
• “He won’t do it right, so I might as well do it myself.”
• “I don’t deserve downtime because I’m not contributing financially.”
• “If I say no, my business will fail.”

I told myself all of these. I convinced myself I had to do it all and then got angry when he didn’t step up. But let’s be real: sometimes he did try to step up, and I criticized how he did it until he eventually stopped.

The resentment builds, the stories grow, and suddenly your husband isn’t just tired after work, he’s the enemy.

The Choice You Do Have

So here’s the reframe, ladies: it’s not about him clocking out. It’s about you choosing not to.

That girls’ trip you’ve been daydreaming about but never book? You could schedule it.
That hour to read a book, take a walk, or just sit in silence? You could take it.
That hobby you used to love but “don’t have time for”? You could make time.

The difference between him and you? He schedules his downtime. You don’t.

And before you say, “Well, I can’t just do that,” let me lovingly call BS. What’s really stopping you? Lack of childcare? Money? Fear? The truth is, most of the time it’s the story you’re telling yourself about what a “good mom” does, about what your role “should” be, about what you think he expects.

But newsflash: those are stories. Not facts.

“The only reason he clocks out and you don’t is because he schedules it. You can too.”

How to Rewrite the Script

So how do you stop living in resentment and start reclaiming your right to clock out?

1. Identify the trigger. What exactly about his behavior sets you off? Is it that he sits down while you’re still going? Is it the trips he plans? Dig deeper into why that bothers you.
2. Check the story you’re telling yourself. When he says, “I’m tired,” do you hear, “You’re not enough”? When he takes a trip, do you translate it as, “He doesn’t care about me”? Be honest about the narrative in your head.
3. Name your resentment. If you’re keeping score (“I did the dishes three times, he only did it once”), you’re already in resentment mode. Acknowledge it.
4. Set boundaries with him and with yourself. Boundaries aren’t about control, they’re about creating space where you can love him and still be you.
5. Take the break. Don’t wait for permission. Don’t wait for him to suggest it. Schedule it. Do it.

The Bottom Line

Your husband doesn’t magically get to clock out because he’s a man, or because he has all the power, or because life is unfair. He clocks out because he chooses to, and you can too.

The question is: will you?

Because the truth is, the only thing standing between you and your version of “clocking out” is you.

So grab that pen and paper. Write down what brings you joy. Make the list. Schedule it. And for once, let him figure out dinner, even if he burns the chicken.

You deserve to clock out too. isn’t about perfection — it’s about persistence, patience, and getting the right help at the right time.

Click here to talk to a therapist. Click here to take my on-demand 4-week course to reignite your marriage and reclaim your identity. Or, click here to explore my on-demand 2-hour workshop to reconnect with your partner.

Useful links:

• Join our FaceBook Page – Empowered and Unapologetic
• Follow me on Instagram
• Check out the new website! https://veronicacisneros.org/
• Outside The Norm Counseling – 951 395 3288 call to schedule an appointment today!
• 5 Things that are Killing your Marriage Free Guide available at www.veronicacisneros.org

Meet Veronica Cisneros

Veronica Cisneros, LMFT, helps women stop fighting the same fight on repeat and start truly connecting in their relationships.

A Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with over 12 years of experience, Veronica specializes in helping high-achieving women break out of destructive conflict cycles and build healthier, more connected relationships—without losing themselves in the process.

As the founder of Outside the Norm Counseling, marriage coach, and host of the Empowered and Unapologetic podcast, Veronica brings a no-nonsense approach to relationship healing. Her clients know—she doesn’t do bandaids. She gets to the root.

Veronica’s guidance blends practical communication tools with deep emotional insight, empowering women to challenge old patterns, repair emotional wounds, and foster real, lasting change in their marriages and families. She’s walked the walk too—with over 25 years of marriage, three daughters, and a thriving career, she knows what it takes to navigate the messiness of love, parenting, and personal growth.

Whether she’s working with couples in her practice or coaching women through relationship burnout, Veronica helps people shift from blame and burnout to clarity, compassion, and collaboration. Her honest, relatable style—and that sharp wit—make her a trusted voice for women ready to stop surviving their relationships and start thriving in them.

Whether you listen to the podcast, join the free Facebook community, or do the Workshop,  you’re in the right place. Let’s do this together!

Thanks for listening!

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