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Does the thought of navigating holiday finances with your ex make you want to run for cover?

Welcome back to Empowered and Unapologetic! I’m Veronica Cisneros, a licensed marriage and family therapist, and today we’re diving into something that hits close to home for so many—navigating financial decisions during the holidays while going through a divorce. I know, it’s a lot. The holidays, which used to be filled with joy and tradition, can now feel like a minefield of tension and dread. Splitting expenses with someone you no longer trust can bring up every fear and anxiety, especially when your kids are caught in the middle.

But here’s the thing—I’m here to walk through this with you. We’re not just tackling budgets and logistics today; we’re unpacking the emotional weight behind these challenges. Why do we, as women, feel like we have to hold everything together, even when it’s tearing us apart? And how can we show up for ourselves and our families without compromising our sanity?

So grab a pen, find a cozy spot, and let’s talk. This isn’t just about money—it’s about reclaiming your peace and setting the stage for a holiday season that feels stable and manageable, even in the middle of a storm. Let’s get started.

Summary

• Codependency often stems from childhood experiences.
• Compromising oneself can lead to emotional and mental strain.
• Awareness of patterns is crucial for personal growth.
• Setting boundaries is essential for emotional health.
• It’s important to identify non-negotiables in relationships.
• Conversations about boundaries should be calm and planned.
• Emotional regulation is key during difficult discussions.
• Modeling healthy boundaries teaches children valuable lessons.
• Seeking support is a sign of strength, not weakness.
• Protecting your peace is a priority, not a luxury.

Reclaiming Your Peace This Holiday Season

As the holiday season approaches, many of us find ourselves stepping into familiar patterns—keeping the peace, putting others first, and compromising our own needs for the sake of harmony. But have you ever stopped to ask yourself what this pattern is costing you?

Maybe nobody assigned me this position as a child, but I definitely felt it. I felt this strong urge, this strong need to figure it all out, to address the needs of my family. And yet, how many things can a child truly address?

Fast forward to today, and here you are, still trying to keep the peace, still putting everyone else first—even your ex, who may not deserve that level of care from you.

“How many times have you put yourself last only to get burned in the end?” – Veronica Cisneros, LMFT

This behavior is a form of codependency, where your sense of worth is tied to taking care of everyone else and ensuring everything is fine. It’s hard to admit, but necessary to confront. Let’s walk through this together.

Awareness is the First Step

Take a moment to reflect. Think about a recent situation where you compromised to keep the peace.

• What did it cost you?
• How did it make you feel?

Grab a pen and paper. On one side, write down “Costs” and on the other, write “Benefits.” Now, draw a line through the middle.

For every thought or action—whether it’s agreeing to your ex’s demands about holiday spending or sacrificing your own needs—write down what it’s costing you emotionally, mentally, and physically.

“What is it costing you to keep this belief alive? And how is it benefiting you, even in an unhealthy way?” – Veronica Cisneros, LMFT

It’s familiar, isn’t it? Keeping the peace feels easier than stepping into discomfort. But that familiarity comes at a price—a price you no longer need to pay.

Sarah’s Story: A Mirror for Many

Let me share a story. Sarah (name changed) grew up in a home filled with tension. Her parents often fought about money, and as a child, she did whatever it took to make them stop. She became the perfect student, asked for nothing, and buried her own needs.

Fast forward to her adult life. Sarah, now in the midst of a divorce, found herself constantly agreeing to her ex-husband’s holiday demands. It left her financially strained and emotionally exhausted. Through therapy, Sarah realized that her desire to avoid conflict stemmed from that scared little girl who still felt responsible for making everyone happy.

Can you relate to Sarah’s story? If so, you’re not alone—and you don’t have to keep living this way.

Strategies to Protect Your Peace

You deserve a plan that protects your peace and honors your needs. Here are actionable steps to help you navigate difficult conversations this holiday season:

1. Schedule a Meeting

Don’t negotiate over text or during tense moments. Set aside time for a calm discussion. Studies show that 96% of conversations that start harshly fail. Begin with a clear mind and prepared points.

2. Define Non-Negotiables and Areas of Flexibility

Before the meeting, identify what’s non-negotiable (e.g., sticking to a budget) and where you’re willing to compromise. Be clear with yourself so you can stand firm.

“Boundaries are about what you will or won’t do, not about controlling someone else.” – Veronica Cisneros, LMFT

3. Stick to the Plan

Once agreements are made, write them down. If your ex tries to backtrack, calmly remind him of the plan. You can say, “I understand things come up, but we agreed to this plan, and I’m sticking to it.”

4. Communicate Without Emotion

If emotions start to run high, take a break. Say, “I need to pause this conversation and come back when we’re both calm.” Remember, your power lies in staying composed.

5. Model Strength and Courage for Your Kids

Protecting your kids doesn’t mean sacrificing yourself. It means showing them what healthy boundaries look like, even when it’s difficult.

“Think about how powerful it would be for your kids to see you stand up for what’s fair.” – Veronica Cisneros, LMFT

A Path Toward Peace

This isn’t just about managing holiday expenses. It’s about reclaiming your worth and creating a life where you’re no longer sacrificing yourself for others’ comfort.

If today’s reflection stirred something inside you—if you’re ready to stop sacrificing yourself and start living with more peace—know that help is available.

At Outside the Norm Counseling, we specialize in guiding high-achieving women through these exact struggles. Whether you’re in California, Idaho, Virginia, or Arizona, our team is here to support you.

Visit www.outsidethenormcounseling.com or book a session today. You deserve peace, healing, and a plan that honors your needs.

“You are not alone in this. There’s a path to more peace, strength, and self-respect. Let’s walk it together, one step at a time.” – Veronica Cisneros, LMFT

Useful links:

• Join our FaceBook Page – Empowered and Unapologetic
• Take the Marriage Predictor quiz!
• Follow me on Instagram
• Check out the new website! https://veronicacisneros.org/
• Outside The Norm Counseling – 951 395 3288 call to schedule an appointment today!
• 5 Things that are Killing your Marriage Free Guide available at www.veronicacisneros.org

Meet Veronica Cisneros

As a leading authority in women’s empowerment and a fierce advocate for building strong networks, Veronica is your go-to guru for turning fears into victories, struggles into strengths, and doubts into boundless opportunities.
Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist for 10 plus years; empowering high-achieving women in business to conquer both professional heights and personal fulfillment. She doesn’t do bandaids!
Veronica has a unique approach to overcoming obstacles and smashing through the glass ceilings that loom over ambitious women. With her arsenal of practical tools, actionable strategies, and unwavering support, Veronica doesn’t just help women succeed in their careers – she helps them thrive in every facet of their lives.

But Veronica’s expertise isn’t just theoretical – it’s personal. With over 24 years of marriage, three daughters, and a soaring career, Veronica embodies the resilience and determination needed to navigate life’s challenges. As a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Group Private Practice Owner, of Outside The Norm Counseling, Marriage Coach, and the voice behind the Empowered and Unapologetic podcast, Veronica effortlessly guides women to challenge themselves beyond their comfort zones.

Veronica is more than an expert – she’s a partner in transformation, turning mundane relationships into true connections. With her relatable charm and infectious humor, Veronica illuminates the path for women who refuse to settle for anything less than success in both business and relationships. Through practical tips, heartfelt anecdotes, and her trademark wit, Veronica empowers every woman to cultivate unbreakable bonds without sacrificing their ambitions.

Whether you listen to the podcast, join the free Facebook community, or do the Workshop,  you’re in the right place. Let’s do this together!

Thanks for listening!

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