Resentment: The Silent Killer of Marriages | EU 795 min read

August 23, 2021

How often do you find yourself holding things in and not saying how you truly feel, just to please everybody but yourself? Do you struggle to say NO? Are you constantly feeling frustrated that no one is appreciating your compromises? Have you ever just sat in your thoughts, took a minute, and thought about why […]

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I am a licensed marriage and family therapist, marriage coach, course creator, retreat host, mother of 3, married for 23 years and host of the Empowered and Unapologetic podcast. 


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How often do you find yourself holding things in and not saying how you truly feel, just to please everybody but yourself? Do you struggle to say NO? Are you constantly feeling frustrated that no one is appreciating your compromises?

Have you ever just sat in your thoughts, took a minute, and thought about why it is that you are compromising yourself? I want to let you know that the minute you acknowledge that you are responsible for meeting your own needs, the resentment will lessen. It starts with you!

In this podcast episode, I talk about Resentment, and how it is a silent killer in marriages.

In This Podcast


  • What causes resentment?
  • Can resentment lead to anxiety?
  • It starts with you!

What causes resentment?

Resentment is bitter indignation at having been treated unfairly. (Veronica Cisneros)

In most cases, women feel resentment when they have compromised on their own terms to meet the needs of their partner, their family, and their children, and they do not express their emotions.

The resentment is then the result of all those suppressed feelings that build inside before they make you bitter and agitated, and it is due to the fact that the compromise went unnoticed or unappreciated by those it was done for.

Mama, resentment slowly builds [because] we’re not communicating how we’re feeling, we’re just sucking it up … because your feelings matter more than my feelings. (Veronica Cisneros)

Resentment is proof that you are not respecting your own boundaries. It starts with you. The behavior that you allow in your partner and family is the behavior that you are silently reinforcing. It is therefore up to you to communicate when you feel frustrated, instead of keeping it bottled up.

Express your boundaries and communicate your emotions, because it is their job as your partner to respect you when you communicate your needs and take them into account as much as they can. If they cannot, then that is a different conversation.

Can resentment lead to anxiety?

Absolutely, because think of resentment as the compounding of unspoken emotions and feelings. When you compress and suppress your emotions, over time it causes stress and worry. This can develop into anxiety if left unattended.

Stress and worry combined, that my friend is anxiety. You have waited too long to speak up and you neglected your opportunity to set a boundary. That is resentment. (Veronica Cisneros)

Letting go of resentment and setting up boundaries is therefore not only an act of self-preservation for your spirit and your emotions, but also for your physical health and mental wellbeing. Do not sacrifice your peace for the emotional comfortability of someone else.

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It starts with you!

When you notice yourself keeping score, stop what you are doing, and ask yourself these questions:

  • Am I catastrophizing? Is this 100% true? Is that I am experiencing 100% true? Probably not. Most likely, you need a break.

Catastrophizing is a thought-distortion, it is not a fact, so it’s a thought that comes up for you … that can manipulate us into believing it’s 100% true. You blow things out of proportion and believe that what has happened will be horrible, awful, or terrible. (Veronica Cisneros)

Challenge your catastrophizing thought: are you taking things personally? Are there unsaid expectations that are not being met? Are you bringing up the past?

Notice where your thoughts take you, especially if they are bringing up the past because if that is the case then your past has not been healed yet and you are bringing it up to bring about some form of change.

No one can heal your pain except for yourself.

  • Can you break down the facts? This will also help you shift your perspective.

Pay attention to what is really happening and try to separate emotions from facts. Question the first-reaction thoughts that you have that are based on strong emotions, and challenge them.

Methodically move through the things that you know are facts, and you will find that you can turn down the heat of the emotion and see the situation more clearly.

  • Write down a list of the expectations that you place on yourself, and what are the expectations you place on your husband?

Ask yourself: Is this realistic? If it is not, then you must make some adjustments.

  • Is this fair to you? Is this fair to him? Examine your boundaries and your list of expectations, be real with yourself, and make the necessary changes so that you can both live together in harmony and communicate openly with one another.

When you let go of expectations, you let go of resentment.

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Meet Veronica Cisneros

Veronica Cisneros | Empowered And Unapologetic PodcastI’m a licensed therapist and women walk into my office every day stressed and disconnected. As a mom of three daughters, I want my girls to know who they are and feel confident about their future. I can’t think of a better way to help other women than by demonstrating an empowered and unapologetic life.

So I started  Empowered and Unapologetic to be a safe space for women to be vulnerable and change their lives for the better before she ever needs to see a therapist.

Whether you listen to the podcast, join the free Facebook communityjoin the VIP community, or attend our annual retreat,  you’re in the right place. Let’s do this together!

Thanks for listening!

Did you enjoy this podcast? Feel free to share this podcast on social media! You can also leave a review of the Empowered and Unapologetic Podcast on Apple Podcast {previously iTunes) and subscribe!

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I’m Veronica, your new Boss MOM Mentor with no filter and no BS. 

I'm a licensed marriage and family therapist, women’s coach, course creator, and retreat host. Married for OVER 20 years, raising three girls, and the host of the Empowered and Unapologetic podcast. 

Enough about me… 

My jam? Helping high-achieving women thrive both at home and in the hustle of work.

I've been there.

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Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Marriage Coach, Course Creator, Retreat Host, Mother of 3, Married for over 20 years.

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