Listen on Apple. Listen on Spotify. Listen on YouTube.

Let’s just say it out loud.

So many high-achieving, capable, driven women are crushing it in business… and quietly struggling in the bedroom.

When I sat down with Susan Bratton, intimacy expert and founder of Better Lover, she did not tiptoe around the issue. Within minutes she said what most women are thinking but rarely say:

“The sex is really bad, totally boring and unsatisfying.”

And the worst part? We assume it’s our fault.

We schedule it. We squeeze it in. We perform. We offer what she hilariously calls “mercy sex.” We carry the mental load all day and then somehow believe we should magically flip into seductress mode at night.

But here’s what Susan reframed in a powerful way: sexual disconnection is not a failure. It’s an opportunity.

The Opportunity Inside Disconnection

If you once enjoyed sex with your partner, that means the capacity is there.

The issue is not that you are broken.
The issue is that you were never taught what you actually need.

As Susan put it:

“Everything in our culture is made for penis happiness, not vulva happiness.”

Mic drop.

Most women were never taught that desire is responsive, not spontaneous. That we need time. Warmth. Context. Emotional safety. Blood flow. And that if we are rushed to intercourse before we are even turned on, of course it feels disappointing.

Of course we pull away.

Disconnection is often the result of a system that never centered women’s pleasure to begin with.

Burnout in the Bedroom

If you carry the emotional load at home, burnout shows up physically.

You feel touched out.
Overstimulated.
Resentful.
Numb.

And resentment is not an aphrodisiac.

Susan’s solution was bold and specific: slow everything down and separate pleasure from performance.

Instead of sex being the goal, she encourages couples to begin with what she calls yoni massage. Time set aside purely for warming up, relaxing, reconnecting with sensation. No pressure for intercourse. No obligation to “finish.”

Why does that matter?

Because when your nervous system feels safe and unrushed, your body can actually respond.

And here is the part that made me laugh and also nod vigorously:

“He wants to do a good job and he wants to be respected.”

Men are not mind readers. They need a checklist. They need direction. They need clarity.

So instead of hoping he guesses what you want, tell him. Teach him. Train him. And when he shows up, appreciate him.

Assertiveness is not aggression. It is intimacy.

Tiny Shifts That Change Everything

Susan offered three deceptively simple shifts that can dramatically change the emotional tone of your relationship:

1. Teach him the four types of touch: nurturing, healing, sensual, and sexual. Most men jump straight to sexual. Expand the menu.
2. Ask for smaller offers. A foot rub. A bath. A glass of wine. Connection before escalation.
3. Schedule intimacy without expecting instant desire. Show up knowing arousal can grow together.

This is what she calls integrity-based micro actions. No confrontation. No begging. Just clear leadership.

Reclaiming Your Own Body

One of the most powerful moments for me was when Susan said:

“Orgasms are all learned skills.”

That means if you have never had one, you are not broken. You simply have not learned yet.

Start small. Three minutes a day. Touch. Explore. Breathe. Build neural pathways. Create familiarity with your own body.

Because when you reconnect with yourself, you stop outsourcing your worth.

And here’s the truth I want every woman to hear:

You can always get it back.

Long-term love goes through seasons. Burnout seasons. Resentment seasons. Disconnection seasons. But spark is not reserved for the early years.

With communication, courage, and a willingness to slow down, intimacy can deepen in ways you did not even know were possible.

And if you need permission to start? Consider this it.

Click here to talk to a therapist. Click here to take my on-demand 4-week course to reignite your marriage and reclaim your identity. Or, click here to explore my on-demand 2-hour workshop to reconnect with your partner.

Useful links:

• Join our FaceBook Page – Empowered and Unapologetic
• Follow me on Instagram
• Check out the new website! https://veronicacisneros.org/
• Outside The Norm Counseling – 951 395 3288 call to schedule an appointment today!
• 5 Things that are Killing your Marriage Free Guide available at www.veronicacisneros.org

Meet Susan Bratton

SUSAN BRATTON, “Intimacy Expert to Millions,” is a champion and advocate for all those who desire intimacy and passion their whole life long. Susan is co-founder and CEO of two companies: Personal Life Media, Inc., a publisher of the Better Lover brand of heart-connected lovemaking techniques and bedroom communication skills, and regenerative therapies, as well as The20, LLC., a manufacturer of organic and botanical supplements that enhance vitality. She is a best-selling author and publisher of 44 books and programs, including Relationship Magic, Revive Her Drive, Ravish Him, The Passion Patch, Hormone Balancing, and Hot To Trot.

http://susanbratton.com/

https://www.facebook.com/trustedhotsexadvisortomillions

https://www.instagram.com/susanbratton

https://www.youtube.com/c/BetterLover

https://www.linkedin.com/in/susanbratton

Meet Veronica Cisneros

Veronica Cisneros, LMFT, helps women stop fighting the same fight on repeat and start truly connecting in their relationships.

A Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with over 12 years of experience, Veronica specializes in helping high-achieving women break out of destructive conflict cycles and build healthier, more connected relationships—without losing themselves in the process.

As the founder of Outside the Norm Counseling, marriage coach, and host of the Empowered and Unapologetic podcast, Veronica brings a no-nonsense approach to relationship healing. Her clients know—she doesn’t do bandaids. She gets to the root.

Veronica’s guidance blends practical communication tools with deep emotional insight, empowering women to challenge old patterns, repair emotional wounds, and foster real, lasting change in their marriages and families. She’s walked the walk too—with over 25 years of marriage, three daughters, and a thriving career, she knows what it takes to navigate the messiness of love, parenting, and personal growth.

Whether she’s working with couples in her practice or coaching women through relationship burnout, Veronica helps people shift from blame and burnout to clarity, compassion, and collaboration. Her honest, relatable style—and that sharp wit—make her a trusted voice for women ready to stop surviving their relationships and start thriving in them.

Whether you listen to the podcast, join the free Facebook community, or do the Workshop,  you’re in the right place. Let’s do this together!

Thanks for listening!

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