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January has a funny way of sneaking up on your relationship.

The holidays are over. The noise dies down. The house gets quieter. And suddenly you can feel things again. This is the month people reassess their bodies, their careers, their bank accounts. New goals. New plans. New habits.

But almost no one sits down and asks the question that actually matters.

How is my relationship really doing?

Not “are we surviving?”
Not “are we functioning?”
But “are we connected?”

This New Year’s episode was never about fixing your partner or starting a fight in January. It was about pausing long enough to tell the truth. Because you cannot grow what you refuse to acknowledge.

Most couples avoid relationship check-ins for one reason. Fear.

Fear they will realize they feel lonely.
Fear they have been avoiding hard conversations.
Fear that resentment has been quietly taking up space.
Fear that emotional safety has eroded and no one knows how to say it out loud.

So instead, people stay busy. They tell themselves it is just a season. Other couples have it worse. This is not bad enough to deal with.

But minimizing disconnection does not protect your relationship. It slowly erodes it.

That is why this episode introduced the Five Pillar Relationship Check-In. A simple framework. No overthinking. No spiraling. Just honesty.

Rate each area from one to ten.

Intimacy. Not sex. Emotional closeness. Do you feel connected? Do you laugh together? Do you feel desired and do you desire them?

Communication. Can you talk about hard things or do you keep the peace by staying quiet?

Emotional safety. Can you be honest without paying for it later? Can you express hurt without backlash?

Direction. Are you aligned on where you are going or just coexisting on parallel tracks?

Teamwork. Do you feel like partners, especially in parenting and daily life?

Anything under a seven does not require panic. It requires attention.

Relationships do not collapse from one big moment. They erode from years of “we will deal with that later.”

One of the most common things I hear in my office every January is this.

“We do not fight. We are fine.”

When I ask when they last felt deeply connected, the room goes quiet.

They are not fighting. They are coexisting. Parenting, exhaustion, work, and stress slowly replaced intimacy. Conversations became transactional. Touch became functional. Time together became logistical.

That is not a broken marriage. That is a disconnected one.

And disconnection does not always show up as conflict. Sometimes it shows up as silence. Avoidance. A tight chest. Chronic exhaustion. Irritability. Loss of desire. Constant overthinking.

That is your nervous system telling you something does not feel safe.

This is where intentional repair matters. Weekly emotional check-ins. Listening without fixing. Validation without agreement. Pausing when flooded instead of pushing through. Choosing curiosity over being right.

And yes, sometimes DIY stops working.

If every attempt to talk blows up or goes nowhere, that does not mean you failed. It means you are trying to heal a system that is already dysregulated. Therapy provides structure, safety, translation, and regulation. Not because your relationship is broken, but because it is worth protecting.

January is not about reinventing yourself.

It is about intention.

You do not need perfection. You need honesty.

Sometimes the bravest thing you can do for your relationship is pause and ask, are we still choosing each other on purpose?

If this episode stirred something in you, that does not mean something is wrong.

It means something is waking up.

Click here to talk to a therapist. Click here to take my on-demand 4-week course to reignite your marriage and reclaim your identity. Or, click here to explore my on-demand 2-hour workshop to reconnect with your partner.

Useful links:

• Join our FaceBook Page – Empowered and Unapologetic
• Follow me on Instagram
• Check out the new website! https://veronicacisneros.org/
• Outside The Norm Counseling – 951 395 3288 call to schedule an appointment today!
• 5 Things that are Killing your Marriage Free Guide available at www.veronicacisneros.org

Meet Veronica Cisneros

Veronica Cisneros, LMFT, helps women stop fighting the same fight on repeat and start truly connecting in their relationships.

A Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with over 12 years of experience, Veronica specializes in helping high-achieving women break out of destructive conflict cycles and build healthier, more connected relationships—without losing themselves in the process.

As the founder of Outside the Norm Counseling, marriage coach, and host of the Empowered and Unapologetic podcast, Veronica brings a no-nonsense approach to relationship healing. Her clients know—she doesn’t do bandaids. She gets to the root.

Veronica’s guidance blends practical communication tools with deep emotional insight, empowering women to challenge old patterns, repair emotional wounds, and foster real, lasting change in their marriages and families. She’s walked the walk too—with over 25 years of marriage, three daughters, and a thriving career, she knows what it takes to navigate the messiness of love, parenting, and personal growth.

Whether she’s working with couples in her practice or coaching women through relationship burnout, Veronica helps people shift from blame and burnout to clarity, compassion, and collaboration. Her honest, relatable style—and that sharp wit—make her a trusted voice for women ready to stop surviving their relationships and start thriving in them.

Whether you listen to the podcast, join the free Facebook community, or do the Workshop,  you’re in the right place. Let’s do this together!

Thanks for listening!

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