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You love your husband. You want to want him.
But between work, the kids, and carrying the emotional weight of your entire household, you feel… nothing.

So you tell yourself, “Maybe something’s wrong with me. Maybe it’s my hormones. My age. My stress. Maybe I’m just not that sexual anymore.”

But what if that’s not even close to the truth?
What if your sex drive isn’t broken—what if your connection is simply out of alignment?

In the latest episode of Empowered and Unapologetic, I talked with Susan Morgan Taylor, MA, a leading somatic sex therapist and creator of The Pleasure Keys Process™, about what’s really going on when women lose desire. Her perspective shifted everything.

Your Sex Drive Isn’t Gone. It’s Disconnected.

Susan explained something that hit me in the gut: most women don’t lose desire because their libido disappears. Desire shuts down when the nervous system is overwhelmed and intimacy starts feeling like another responsibility.

“Your sex drive isn’t broken. Your nervous system is exhausted.” —Susan Morgan Taylor, MA

If you spend your whole day in do-mode, managing fires, carrying mental load, and saying yes to everything, your body never gets the chance to drop into the kind of energy that sparks desire—receiving, softness, slowing down, pleasure without pressure.

You’re not uninterested.
You’re overstimulated.

When Intimacy Becomes a Chore, Desire Checks Out

Women tell me this all the time:
“Sex just feels like another task.”

And Susan echoed it too: when sex becomes something you “give” to keep the peace, your body learns to protect you—by disconnecting.

Add in that women often require 20+ minutes for full arousal and most men warm up in minutes… and we start participating before our bodies have even said yes. Over time, your mind adapts by pulling the plug on desire.

Not because you’re broken.
Because you’re not getting your needs met first.

You Might Not Have “Low Libido” at All

One of my favorite parts of our conversation was when Susan reframed the idea of libido mismatch. So many women assume:

“He just wants more sex than I do.”
“I must have a low sex drive.”

But Susan said something that stopped me:

“You don’t have a low libido. You just haven’t been approached through the right doorway.” —Susan Morgan Taylor, MA

Some women respond to sensuality.
Some to emotional closeness.
Some to slowness.
Some to teasing.
Some to fantasy or intensity.

If you’re wired one way but being approached another, desire can’t rise—even if you love your partner deeply. And that’s not dysfunction. That’s misalignment.

Reconnecting With Your Body First

Susan shared her own story of awakening after a sexless marriage, and what changed everything for her wasn’t a new partner—it was reconnecting with her own body.

She created intentional “pleasure dates” with herself—time to slow down, feel emotions she had pushed away, notice sensations, breathe, and explore without pressure.

And something profound happened: her desire came back online.

“Desire lives in your body—not in your performance.” —Susan Morgan Taylor, MA

That resonates so deeply, especially for women who have spent years being givers, fixers, and caretakers. Reigniting intimacy doesn’t start in your marriage. It starts in you.

The First Steps to Reigniting Intimacy

Susan’s Pleasure Keys Process™ offers a framework I wish every woman knew. Here are two core skills you can begin practicing today:

1. Relaxation Before Arousal

You cannot feel desire when you’re tense, rushed, or in fix-it mode. Your parasympathetic nervous system—the part that creates pleasure—has to be online.

This might look like:

• slow breathing
• grounding touch
• a quiet moment alone
• letting your mind settle

Desire needs space to arrive.

2. Notice, Name, Negotiate

This is one of the simplest but most powerful tools:

• Notice: what am I feeling in my body?
• Name: what do I want or need?
• Negotiate: how do I communicate that with clarity?

Most couples skip straight to negotiating without ever slowing down long enough to know what they actually feel—which is why so many conversations go sideways.

You’re Not Broken. You’re Ready to Reconnect.

If you’ve ever thought, “Why can I do everything for everyone else but feel nothing intimately?”—please let this sink in:

You are not broken.
You don’t need to fake it, force it, or “just try harder.”
You don’t need to become sexier, more exciting, or more available.

You need:

• rest
• emotional safety
• your own pleasure
• reconnection with your body
• space to receive, not perform

Desire doesn’t disappear.
It returns when you return to yourself.

Click here to talk to a therapist. Click here to take my on-demand 4-week course to reignite your marriage and reclaim your identity. Or, click here to explore my on-demand 2-hour workshop to reconnect with your partner.

Useful links:

• Join our FaceBook Page – Empowered and Unapologetic
• Follow me on Instagram
• Check out the new website! https://veronicacisneros.org/
• Outside The Norm Counseling – 951 395 3288 call to schedule an appointment today!
• 5 Things that are Killing your Marriage Free Guide available at www.veronicacisneros.org

Meet Sarah Armstrong

Susan Morgan Taylor, MA, is a leading somatic sex therapist who helps couples deepen their intimacy and create lasting, fulfilling connections. With over 25 years of experience in somatic healing, she developed The Pleasure Keys Process™, a powerful approach to reigniting sexual and emotional harmony in relationships. After a personal awakening from a sexless marriage, Susan became passionate about helping others remove obstacles to pleasure, love, and orgasm. She is also the creator of the Pleasure Keys Retreats and host of the Sex Talk Café Podcast. When not working, she enjoys hiking and singing karaoke in the mountains of Western North Carolina.

Free eBook PDF The Pleasure Keys at http://www.pleasurekeys.com

IG: @‌susanmorgantaylor

YT: @‌susamorgantaylor

Meet Veronica Cisneros

Veronica Cisneros, LMFT, helps women stop fighting the same fight on repeat and start truly connecting in their relationships.

A Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with over 12 years of experience, Veronica specializes in helping high-achieving women break out of destructive conflict cycles and build healthier, more connected relationships—without losing themselves in the process.

As the founder of Outside the Norm Counseling, marriage coach, and host of the Empowered and Unapologetic podcast, Veronica brings a no-nonsense approach to relationship healing. Her clients know—she doesn’t do bandaids. She gets to the root.

Veronica’s guidance blends practical communication tools with deep emotional insight, empowering women to challenge old patterns, repair emotional wounds, and foster real, lasting change in their marriages and families. She’s walked the walk too—with over 25 years of marriage, three daughters, and a thriving career, she knows what it takes to navigate the messiness of love, parenting, and personal growth.

Whether she’s working with couples in her practice or coaching women through relationship burnout, Veronica helps people shift from blame and burnout to clarity, compassion, and collaboration. Her honest, relatable style—and that sharp wit—make her a trusted voice for women ready to stop surviving their relationships and start thriving in them.

Whether you listen to the podcast, join the free Facebook community, or do the Workshop,  you’re in the right place. Let’s do this together!

Thanks for listening!

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