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You know that moment when you’re lying next to your partner … the person you built a whole life with, and suddenly think, How the hell did we get here?
Yeah… that one.

I’ve seen it a thousand times in my therapy office, and I’ve lived it in my own marriage more than once. So as we celebrate the 300th episode of Empowered and Unapologetic, I’m skipping the highlight reel and diving straight into the truth no one wants to say out loud:

“Your marriage isn’t failing—you’ve just outgrown the old version of it.”

Because here’s the deal: you’re not the same person you were five years ago. Neither is your partner. But most relationships try to operate like nothing has changed. And THAT is where things start to crack.

We Evolve… But Our Relationship Contract Usually Doesn’t

I always tell couples a reset isn’t about wiping the slate clean—it’s about updating the system.
Think of it like your phone. When was the last time you actually did an update?
Exactly.

Life forces us to reinvent ourselves every few years. Careers shift. Kids grow up and move out. Hormones go wild. Trauma resurfaces. Confidence changes. Bodies change. Identities shift.

But relationships?
We just keep expecting them to run on the same “settings” we set in our twenties.

That mismatch creates distance, resentment, and that heavy, invisible emotional load nobody knows how to talk about.

“Intimacy doesn’t die from lack of love. It dies from unspoken resentment.”

And that resentment?
Whew. It piles up one unspoken thought at a time.

I Had to Hit Reset Too

Let me get real for a second. I’ve been married 26 years. I’ve parented babies, teens, and now a 23-year-old who calls me from fraternity parties at the University of Alabama. (Roll Tide… I guess?)

Willie and I have navigated every season you can imagine: career shifts, parenting from afar, health journeys, body changes, emotional growth spurts, and our fair share of “WTF are we doing?” moments.

There was even a night recently when I realized we were collapsing into bed on opposite sides, glued to our phones, giving everything to everyone except each other.
I literally stopped mid-podcast recording to call him out (lovingly… mostly).

Why?
Because avoiding the truth is what actually breaks marriages—not the hard conversations.

What a Reset Really Means

A reset means choosing each other again with who you both are today.
It means admitting where you’ve been in survival mode.
It means talking about the messy, tender, uncomfortable stuff instead of waiting until it explodes.

A reset sounds like this:

• “Who are you becoming right now?”
• “What scares you lately?”
• “What do you miss about us?”
• “What do you need from me?”

It also sounds like taking ownership even when your part feels tiny.

“Ownership is intimacy. Accountability is connection.”

And yes, a reset means bringing back the small things:
the six-second kiss, the hand on the back, the real hug, the “I’m thinking about you” text.

Micro-intimacy brings marriages back from the dead.

If You’re Reading This… You’re Ready

Needing a reset doesn’t mean anything is wrong with you.
It means you’re human.
It means you’re evolving.
It means your relationship is ready for its next version.

So here’s my invitation: listen to the full 300th episode and sit with the questions I ask.
Your relationship is allowed to grow.
YOU are allowed to grow.
Let’s reset together.

Click here to talk to a therapist. Click here to take my on-demand 4-week course to reignite your marriage and reclaim your identity. Or, click here to explore my on-demand 2-hour workshop to reconnect with your partner.

Useful links:

• Join our FaceBook Page – Empowered and Unapologetic
• Follow me on Instagram
• Check out the new website! https://veronicacisneros.org/
• Outside The Norm Counseling – 951 395 3288 call to schedule an appointment today!
• 5 Things that are Killing your Marriage Free Guide available at www.veronicacisneros.org

Meet Veronica Cisneros

Veronica Cisneros, LMFT, helps women stop fighting the same fight on repeat and start truly connecting in their relationships.

A Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with over 12 years of experience, Veronica specializes in helping high-achieving women break out of destructive conflict cycles and build healthier, more connected relationships—without losing themselves in the process.

As the founder of Outside the Norm Counseling, marriage coach, and host of the Empowered and Unapologetic podcast, Veronica brings a no-nonsense approach to relationship healing. Her clients know—she doesn’t do bandaids. She gets to the root.

Veronica’s guidance blends practical communication tools with deep emotional insight, empowering women to challenge old patterns, repair emotional wounds, and foster real, lasting change in their marriages and families. She’s walked the walk too—with over 25 years of marriage, three daughters, and a thriving career, she knows what it takes to navigate the messiness of love, parenting, and personal growth.

Whether she’s working with couples in her practice or coaching women through relationship burnout, Veronica helps people shift from blame and burnout to clarity, compassion, and collaboration. Her honest, relatable style—and that sharp wit—make her a trusted voice for women ready to stop surviving their relationships and start thriving in them.

Whether you listen to the podcast, join the free Facebook community, or do the Workshop,  you’re in the right place. Let’s do this together!

Thanks for listening!

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