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Hey girl—Veronica here, LMFT, mom, wife, and professional “we-are-not-doing-this-spiral-today” coach. If you’ve ever started your morning in a great mood only to have your partner stomp in, nitpick the towels, sigh at the dog, and complain about the barista he’s never met… you’re not alone. And yes, it’s exhausting.

Here’s the truth I want you to tattoo on your brain: his happiness is not a reflection of your identity or worth. Read that again. When our partner is stuck in a negative loop, many of us scramble: What do I say so I don’t poke the bear? How do I keep him from snapping at the kids? Should we even go to dinner if he’s going to critique the waiter again? Before you start rearranging your entire day around his mood, try this five-part reset.

1) Be Curious, Not the Counselor

You’re not here to fix him (put the therapist hat down, friend). Get curious instead. Ask about his childhood climate: How were you celebrated? What happened when grades came in? Who showed up at games? A lifelong negative outlook often grows in soil rich with criticism and impossible expectations. Understanding context helps you stop personalizing his weather report.

2) Check Your Story

Ask yourself: Am I taking this personally? When he grumbles, do you hear, “You failed”? Many of us translate a partner’s stress into a verdict on our cooking, our body, our parenting, our everything. That’s your insecurity talking. Name it. It’s yours to soothe, not his to fix, and definitely not proof that you’re the problem.

3) Slip into “Observer Mode”

Pretend you’ve stepped behind an invisible velvet rope. Watch patterns. How do others respond to him? Does he perform positivity with friends but deflate at home? Does criticism show up as “helpful” feedback? Observation creates just enough space for you to respond, rather than react.

4) Live Your Life (Seriously)

Grab a pen: what lights you up? Hiking? Book club? Salsa night? Go. Even if he doesn’t. Waiting for him to become cheerful before you become alive breeds resentment and resentment is the mold that creeps into every corner. You pursuing joy doesn’t cause divorce. If a hike triggers a “we’re done,” we’re looking at deeper issues than a Saturday trail.

5) Consider Mental Health Support—Led by Him

Chronic negativity can signal anxiety or depression. Offer resources (Psychology Today, insurance portal, local referrals), brainstorm questions to ask a therapist, and then step back. He must take the step. I won’t work harder than my client—and neither should you in your own home.

A Quick Story

Years ago, during a major transition in my marriage, I felt picked at like nothing I did was “right.” It wasn’t about me. It was fear dressed up as sarcasm and criticism. Naming that changed how I moved. When I stopped personalizing and started living, things shifted.

The Reframe

Instead of “What’s wrong with you?” try, “What happened to you?” And instead of “How do I keep him happy today?” ask, “How do I keep me whole today?” Your job is to preserve your peace, model boundaries for your kids, and refuse to drink someone else’s poison.

If you’re craving practical tools to reconnect without losing yourself, come hang out with me at my How to Reconnect with Your Partner workshop. We’ll cover getting your needs met, rebuilding respect, setting boundaries, and spotting how the past sneaks into the present. You deserve a relationship where empathy lives and joy visits often—no mood ring required.

Click here to talk to a therapist. Click here to take my on-demand 4-week course to reignite your marriage and reclaim your identity. Or, click here to explore my on-demand 2-hour workshop to reconnect with your partner.

Useful links:

• Join our FaceBook Page – Empowered and Unapologetic
• Follow me on Instagram
• Check out the new website! https://veronicacisneros.org/
• Outside The Norm Counseling – 951 395 3288 call to schedule an appointment today!
• 5 Things that are Killing your Marriage Free Guide available at www.veronicacisneros.org

Meet Veronica Cisneros

Veronica Cisneros, LMFT, helps women stop fighting the same fight on repeat and start truly connecting in their relationships.

A Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with over 12 years of experience, Veronica specializes in helping high-achieving women break out of destructive conflict cycles and build healthier, more connected relationships—without losing themselves in the process.

As the founder of Outside the Norm Counseling, marriage coach, and host of the Empowered and Unapologetic podcast, Veronica brings a no-nonsense approach to relationship healing. Her clients know—she doesn’t do bandaids. She gets to the root.

Veronica’s guidance blends practical communication tools with deep emotional insight, empowering women to challenge old patterns, repair emotional wounds, and foster real, lasting change in their marriages and families. She’s walked the walk too—with over 25 years of marriage, three daughters, and a thriving career, she knows what it takes to navigate the messiness of love, parenting, and personal growth.

Whether she’s working with couples in her practice or coaching women through relationship burnout, Veronica helps people shift from blame and burnout to clarity, compassion, and collaboration. Her honest, relatable style—and that sharp wit—make her a trusted voice for women ready to stop surviving their relationships and start thriving in them.

Whether you listen to the podcast, join the free Facebook community, or do the Workshop,  you’re in the right place. Let’s do this together!

Thanks for listening!

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