The 5 Common Mistakes Couples Make when they Argue | EU 1374 min read

October 3, 2022

In an argument, do you roll your eyes at your partner or their behavior? Do you or your partner stonewall? What do your arguments look like? Sound familiar Mama? In this podcast episode, I talk all about the 5 common mistakes couples make when they argue. Grab a pen and paper! In This Podcast Summary […]

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I am a licensed marriage and family therapist, marriage coach, course creator, retreat host, mother of 3, married for 23 years and host of the Empowered and Unapologetic podcast. 


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In an argument, do you roll your eyes at your partner or their behavior? Do you or your partner stonewall? What do your arguments look like?

Sound familiar Mama?

In this podcast episode, I talk all about the 5 common mistakes couples make when they argue. Grab a pen and paper!

In This Podcast


  • Not recognizing your flooding
  • Criticism
  • Contempt
  • Defensiveness
  • Stonewalling

Not recognizing your flooding

You feel flooded when you’ve allowed all of these emotions to take over. Your thoughts are out of whack, your physical sensations are unnerving, and all of these emotions are coming up for you, and they have now taken the wheel. (Veronica Cisneros)

When you are flooded, your logical and rational mind shuts down, and you act solely on your emotional urges and impulses because you may feel threatened and upset.

If you and your partner are flooded during an argument, you need to stop.

Recognize that at this moment, you cannot have a peaceful or rational conversation, and give each other the space to have a 20-minute timeout before coming back to find the solution.


Do you attack your partner’s character instead of complaining or focusing on what it is that they did?

A complaint starts with, “I felt …” and criticism starts with, “You are so …”

At what cost? Because whenever you criticize your partner there’s a huge, huge cut that forms between you. (Veronica Cisneros)

Even though at the moment you may feel that it’s an eye for an eye, the moment that you criticize your partner, you are hurting them emotionally.

If you cannot recognize when you are flooded, then you are more likely to hurt your partner, which often happens via criticisms and directly hurtful words.



This is when you position yourself higher than your partner. (Veronica Cisneros)

Contempt looks like:

  • Eye-rolling
  • Sarcasm
  • Name-calling
  • Passive aggressive humor

The minute you add contempt into your arguments, this becomes the “sulphuric acid” of relationships and is one of the biggest predictors of divorce.

The anecdote to this is to show respect and appreciation, and this can feel difficult at the moment, but realize that contempt is not going to maintain your relationship.


Defensiveness and playing the victim positions your partner as the enemy. It is a form of blaming. (Veronica Cisneros)

You make excuses for your behavior and blame your partner for it or vice versa.

Be careful of putting the blame on each other and not taking responsibility for your actions or behaviors, because that can breed contempt, and makes the cycle worse.

This is a deadly form of communication.

The anecdote to this is to not agree with your partner but to still take responsibility for your actions.


Stonewalling is withdrawing from the argument and shutting down.

Your partner may be taking space to gather their emotions, and if you attack them constantly to try to get them to keep talking with you, it may push them farther and farther away.

If one of you is stonewalling, give each other 20-minutes to decompress and reset.

Research studies show that whenever you start a conversation harshly, it has a 96% fail rate. 96% homegirl, and what about that 4%? Do you really want to chance it? (Veronica Cisneros)

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Meet Veronica Cisneros

Veronica Cisneros | Empowered And Unapologetic Podcast

Hello, my name is Veronica Cisneros, I am a licensed marriage and family therapist for over 7 years, a Group Private Practice owner, a Mother of 3, and married for over 20 years. I help housewives transform their marriage, communicate effectively and build confidence. Like you, I also struggled with cutting through the communication barriers. I felt like there was no reason for my husband and me to feel unhappy because we had it all. We just felt disconnected and our conversations were filled with avoidance, kids’ hobbies, and schedules. 

I’ve helped plenty of couples in my private practice who struggled with similar issues. With my proven strategies and step-by-step skills, I’ve helped hundreds of women reignite their marriages. I am known for helping women step outside of their comfort zones, I don’t do bandaids, I only teach life-changing healing methods.

Whether you listen to the podcast, join the free Facebook community, or join our ‘Reconnect with your Husband’ Workshop,  you’re in the right place. Let’s do this together!

Thanks for listening!

Did you enjoy this podcast? Feel free to share this podcast on social media! You can also leave a review of the Empowered and Unapologetic Podcast on Apple Podcast {previously iTunes) and subscribe!

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I’m Veronica, your new Boss MOM Mentor with no filter and no BS. 

I'm a licensed marriage and family therapist, women’s coach, course creator, and retreat host. Married for OVER 20 years, raising three girls, and the host of the Empowered and Unapologetic podcast. 

Enough about me… 

My jam? Helping high-achieving women thrive both at home and in the hustle of work.

I've been there.

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Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Marriage Coach, Course Creator, Retreat Host, Mother of 3, Married for over 20 years.

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