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Have you ever held your whole life together with a coffee mug and a prayer while wondering if you are allowed to fall apart? Same. Divorce can feel heavy, messy, and unfixable. But here is the radical shift. A “good divorce” is possible, and it starts with intention, not perfection.

I sat down with Sarah Armstrong, corporate leader, mom, and author of The Mom’s Guide to a Good Divorce. She has lived the late-night conference calls, the single-mom juggle, and the awkward sideline chats. What she learned can help you navigate divorce with grace instead of guilt.

“You cannot expect people to respect the boundaries you never told them about.” – Sarah Armstrong

Boundaries that actually hold

First, decide what you are protecting. Your energy. Your kids’ time. Your sleep. Then tell people. Out loud. Sarah put “Grace Time” on her public work calendar every evening from 6 to 8. That was two sacred hours for dinner, homework, and bedtime. If someone asked for 6:30, she offered 8:30. No defense brief. No apology tour.

Try this simple script: “I am not available then.” Full stop. The minute you explain why, folks start ranking your reason against their request. You get to decide where your time goes.

Tactical tip. Find a cupboard. Put your laptop and phone in it during kid time. If your tech is in view, your brain will orbit it like a moth around a porch light. Out of sight. Out of your hands. Back in your life.

The magic of transference of hours

When your life shifts, your time shifts with it. Those hours that used to be weighed down by resentment or logistics can move somewhere better. Sarah calls it the “transference of hours.” Maybe you leave work early for pickup, then jump on a call later. Maybe the hour you used to spend doom scrolling becomes a workout, therapy, journaling, or quiet taco night.

Do not negotiate away your basic care. Keep the medical appointments. Keep the movement. Keep the thing that helps you feel like you. Your kids need a healthy parent more than they need another last-minute cupcake platter.

“Stop rescheduling the appointments that keep you well. You would never reschedule your hair.” – Sarah Armstrong

Build a decompression zone

If you commute, your drive is not dead time. It is a reset button. Use it to breathe, to listen to a podcast, or to call a friend who always makes you laugh. If you work from home, create a mini ritual that separates work brain from mom brain. A lap around the yard. Three songs and a stretch. Friday can have its own decompression tradition too. Sarah and her daughter rotated movie night and sushi. No pressure. Just togetherness you can count on.

Model the high road for your kids

Kids are watching us more than they are listening to us. They notice how we talk to each other, whether we can stand side by side at the soccer game, and whether school meetings are about them or about our unresolved drama. One teacher told Sarah she had never realized Sarah and her ex were divorced because they sat through a full conference talking only about their daughter’s progress. That is the assignment. Show up for the child, not the conflict.

To do that, build your compartmentalization muscle. Big feelings are real. They just do not belong in front of the kids. Walk it off. Cry in the shower. Text the friend who speaks fluent exasperation. Save the processing for later.

“Take the high road. It is steep, but your kids deserve the view.” – Sarah Armstrong

Three anchors for a good divorce

1. Mindset. Choose the outcome you want. Decide you are going to do this as well as possible. You control your choices and your reactions.
2. Muscle. Strengthen that pause between trigger and response. You can say less now and say more later in a safer place.
3. Map. Create a clear parenting plan that covers school, holidays, sports, phones, curfews, and the stuff you think you will never argue about. Future you will be grateful.

If you are still in the fog

You do not have to make a forever decision today. Ask yourself the question Sarah wanted to be able to answer for her daughter. Have I done everything I can to keep this family under one roof. If your honest answer is yes, then begin planning the next season with intention. If it is no, stay a little longer and get the support you need to try again.

Your tiny homework for this week

• Put one boundary on your public calendar. Name it. Protect it.
• Move one hour from your phone to your body or your heart. Walk, lift, stretch, pray, journal, read.
• Create one decompression ritual you can repeat. A Friday tradition counts.

Here is the truth. Divorce is one of the hardest chapters you will ever turn. It does not have to define the rest of the book. With clear boundaries, thoughtful time transfers, and a commitment to the high road, you can raise steady kids and build a life that feels like yours.

You are not broken. You are becoming.

Click here to talk to a therapist. Click here to take my on-demand 4-week course to reignite your marriage and reclaim your identity. Or, click here to explore my on-demand 2-hour workshop to reconnect with your partner.

Useful links:

• Join our FaceBook Page – Empowered and Unapologetic
• Follow me on Instagram
• Check out the new website! https://veronicacisneros.org/
• Outside The Norm Counseling – 951 395 3288 call to schedule an appointment today!
• 5 Things that are Killing your Marriage Free Guide available at www.veronicacisneros.org

Meet Sarah Armstrong

Sarah Armstrong, author of “The Art of the Juggling Act: Bite-Sized Guide for Working Parents” and “The Mom’s Guide to a Good Divorce,” is vice-president of global marketing operations at Google and proud mom of Grace, who just graduated from college. Sarah is a mentor to other women in business and longtime volunteer at various nonprofit organizations, including the Jack & Jill Late Stage Cancer Foundation, Georgetown Alumni Admissions Program and local soup kitchens.

https://momsguidetogooddivorce.com

https://thejugglingact.com

https://www.linkedin.com/in/sarah-madden-armstrong/

Meet Veronica Cisneros

Veronica Cisneros, LMFT, helps women stop fighting the same fight on repeat and start truly connecting in their relationships.

A Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with over 12 years of experience, Veronica specializes in helping high-achieving women break out of destructive conflict cycles and build healthier, more connected relationships—without losing themselves in the process.

As the founder of Outside the Norm Counseling, marriage coach, and host of the Empowered and Unapologetic podcast, Veronica brings a no-nonsense approach to relationship healing. Her clients know—she doesn’t do bandaids. She gets to the root.

Veronica’s guidance blends practical communication tools with deep emotional insight, empowering women to challenge old patterns, repair emotional wounds, and foster real, lasting change in their marriages and families. She’s walked the walk too—with over 25 years of marriage, three daughters, and a thriving career, she knows what it takes to navigate the messiness of love, parenting, and personal growth.

Whether she’s working with couples in her practice or coaching women through relationship burnout, Veronica helps people shift from blame and burnout to clarity, compassion, and collaboration. Her honest, relatable style—and that sharp wit—make her a trusted voice for women ready to stop surviving their relationships and start thriving in them.

Whether you listen to the podcast, join the free Facebook community, or do the Workshop,  you’re in the right place. Let’s do this together!

Thanks for listening!

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