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Ever wake up already tired: thumb on Instagram, brain on fire, patience on low? Same. That’s why I brought Coach Chuck Bernard on the podcast. He’s a father of four, longtime educator, and mental wellness coach who’s helped teens (and a lot of exhausted adults) ditch the labels and loops that keep us stuck. His framework? Become a sower of seeds: as in, plant what you want to grow.

“We need to weed the gardens of our souls regularly.” —Chuck Bernard

S is for Self (a.k.a. Look Under the Hood)

Chuck starts with self-identifying. Before you eye-roll, hear him out. Instead of solving your whole life in a single journaling marathon, take 10–15 minutes at night and pick one role: mom, partner, entrepreneur, friend. Write down the labels you carry there—both the ones you use and the ones others might use about you. Star the ones that lift you up. Circle the ones that feel heavy. Now you’re not guessing; you’ve got data.

“You can find 10 or 15 minutes—start with one role and write it down.” —Chuck Bernard

O is for Ownership (no shame, just steering)

A lot of us feel like life is happening to us. Chuck’s pattern interrupter: ask a better question. When stress spikes or you feel yourself spiraling, try: “How am I doing that?” Not to blame yourself: this is about agency. That one question nudges you from reaction to choice. Chuck’s lived this through deep loss, and he’s clear: the goal isn’t to suppress emotions, it’s to understand and steer them.

“Ask a better question: ‘How am I doing that?’—it puts you back in control.” —Chuck Bernard

W is for Weeding (tiny habits, big shift)

If your current “coping” looks like scrolling, snacking, or snapping—same room, different corners—Chuck suggests two quick tools:

• Journaling (lite version): A few lines is enough. “Tough day—9/10. Trigger: homework chaos. Thought: I’m failing.” Seeing it on paper breaks the spell.
• Anchoring: Build micro mood-shifters. Create a 3-song playlist that always lifts you. Use scent (coffee, a favorite candle). Even a discrete physical cue—pressing your thumbnail—can become a positive anchor when paired with a happy memory. And don’t sleep on box breathing: in 4, hold 4, out 4, hold 4—two minutes to reset your nervous system.

Why this matters for marriage, parenting, and everything else

When we’re stuck in stress, we can’t see options—only problems. Sowing new seeds (clarity, ownership, simple rituals) expands your choices in conversations with your spouse, your kids, your team. You stop rehearsing old scripts (“I never have time,” “No one listens to me”) and start editing them.

Try this tonight

• Five-minute swap: Before bed, write one heavy label you’re weeding out and one possibility you’re planting.
• Morning ritual: Two minutes of box breathing + one song from your “lift me up” playlist.
• Midday interrupt: When you feel the snap coming on, ask, How am I doing that? Then pick a tiny next action.

Change isn’t a personality transplant—it’s a series of planted seeds. Water the ones you want to grow. And if you want Chuck’s full 10-week blueprint to health and happiness, he’s sharing it with our listeners—tell him “Veronica gift” when you reach out.

Click here to talk to a therapist. Click here to take my on-demand 4-week course to reignite your marriage and reclaim your identity. Or, click here to explore my on-demand 2-hour workshop to reconnect with your partner.

Useful links:

• Join our FaceBook Page – Empowered and Unapologetic
• Follow me on Instagram
• Check out the new website! https://veronicacisneros.org/
• Outside The Norm Counseling – 951 395 3288 call to schedule an appointment today!
• 5 Things that are Killing your Marriage Free Guide available at www.veronicacisneros.org

Meet Chuck Barnard

Coach Chuck Barnard is an author, speaker, champion’s mindset mentor, and a father of four who has been in the education industry for over 30 years. Chuck has a master’s degree in special education, is certified in Advanced Behavioral Modeling, and is a Master NLP, Time-Line Therapy® Hypnotherapy Practitioner, a certified Mental Wellness Coach, and a Diplomat with the American Institute of Stress. He has been a skier for 56 years, has walked across burning coals with Tony Robbins on three different occasions and loves traveling. Chuck has been a baseball player or coach for 50 years. Chuck’s greatest passion is to see teenagers become champions not only on the athletic field and in the classroom, but most importantly in life.

https://coachchuck360.com/.

https://www.instagram.com/coach.barnard

Meet Veronica Cisneros

Veronica Cisneros, LMFT, helps women stop fighting the same fight on repeat and start truly connecting in their relationships.

A Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with over 12 years of experience, Veronica specializes in helping high-achieving women break out of destructive conflict cycles and build healthier, more connected relationships—without losing themselves in the process.

As the founder of Outside the Norm Counseling, marriage coach, and host of the Empowered and Unapologetic podcast, Veronica brings a no-nonsense approach to relationship healing. Her clients know—she doesn’t do bandaids. She gets to the root.

Veronica’s guidance blends practical communication tools with deep emotional insight, empowering women to challenge old patterns, repair emotional wounds, and foster real, lasting change in their marriages and families. She’s walked the walk too—with over 25 years of marriage, three daughters, and a thriving career, she knows what it takes to navigate the messiness of love, parenting, and personal growth.

Whether she’s working with couples in her practice or coaching women through relationship burnout, Veronica helps people shift from blame and burnout to clarity, compassion, and collaboration. Her honest, relatable style—and that sharp wit—make her a trusted voice for women ready to stop surviving their relationships and start thriving in them.

Whether you listen to the podcast, join the free Facebook community, or do the Workshop,  you’re in the right place. Let’s do this together!

Thanks for listening!

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