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Let’s be real: nothing tests your nervous system quite like stepping on a rogue LEGO at 6:12 a.m. or discovering your partner “forgot” that one very small, extremely important thing. I’ve been there—snapping, shutting down, and then lying awake at night promising I’ll “do better tomorrow.” On the Empowered and Unapologetic podcast, I sat down with bestselling author and wellness expert Holly Swenson—mom of four, queen of practical wisdom—to talk about why we react, how to respond, and what it actually takes to change the pattern.

Reaction vs. Response (aka “why did I just say that?”)

Holly breaks it down simply: reaction is instinctual; response is intentional. When we’re tired, triggered, or stretched thin, our brain loves the fast lane. The trick is installing a speed bump.

“The biggest difference between reaction and response is the level of consciousness that’s present.” – Holly

That “speed bump” looks boring on paper—pause, breathe, then speak—and yes, it’s maddeningly simple. Also yes, it works. Those two seconds buy you leadership: the chance to choose your tone, your words, and your outcome.

The repair is the relationship

Perfection isn’t the goal (and Instagram is lying to you). Families are made of humans, and humans blow it. What matters is what you model afterward.

“When you misspeak, go to your child or your partner and say, ‘I’m sorry. I didn’t show up how I meant to—can we fix this?’ That’s how you create connection and repair.” – Holly

Apologizing doesn’t erase boundaries or authority; it builds trust. Your kids learn two powerful messages: 1) adults make mistakes, and 2) healthy adults repair them.

Why smart women still spiral

Because we’re human (shocking, I know). Even with five degrees, three planners, and a color-coded Google calendar, stress + old patterns = reactivity. Holly’s antidote: self-awareness practice. Notice what sets you off, and get curious. What story did your brain tell? What sensation hit your body? Repetition wires new pathways; awareness starts the rewiring.

Holly’s four-step framework: Stop, Drop, Grow & Glow

Holly’s former life as an RN meets mom-of-four reality. The result is a framework that actually sticks.

STOP — Self-assess. What’s going well? What isn’t? What’s really underneath today’s short fuse—sleep, grief, resentment, overstimulation?
DROP — Release drama, trauma, and outdated narratives that keep you living in yesterday. Do this solo, with a journal, or with a therapist/coach.
GROW — Build habits that expand your capacity: sleep, movement, hydration, mindfulness, fewer numbing scrolls and more conscious choices. Thank your tiny “gurus” (your kids) for showing you where the work is.
GLOW — Live it out daily. Self-care isn’t a spa day you “earn”; it’s baseline maintenance so you show up present instead of brittle.

“Don’t look outward—look inward. How am I doing? What do I need in my life?” – Holly

The five-minute tune-up (you can start today)

• Body scan: Hand on heart. Eyes closed. Name three sensations without fixing them.
• Breath reset: Inhale 4, hold 4, exhale 6—twice. Then speak.
• Move something: A brisk 10-minute walk counts. So does dancing while you load the dishwasher.
• Sleep like it matters: Because it does. Everything gets louder when you’re exhausted.
• Pre-repair script: “Hey, I was short with you. I’m sorry. Can we try that again?”

A note on guilt and getting away

Holly’s turning point came after illness and loss, when she finally took a solo reset. Now she books one to three days alone each year—no guilt, just maintenance. Imagine what would shift if you treated your sanity like you treat your car: regular service, not emergency towing.

Try this tonight

Journal one moment where you reacted today. Then write out your Stop, Drop, Grow & Glow for that exact scenario. What would you notice? What could you release? Which habit would help? What does glowing look like in that moment—quiet voice, soft shoulders, slower pace?

You don’t need a new personality; you need a pause. The calm you want isn’t magic—it’s muscle memory, built one conscious breath at a time.

Want more from Holly? Grab her book Drop, Grow & Glow (print and audio) and connect at liveyourglow.live or on Instagram @hollyswenson.underscore.liveyourglow.a heart that, underneath the defenses, probably wants the same thing you do: less fighting, more us.

Need Support from a Licensed Family and Marriage Therapist & Coach? Contact Veronica.

And if you need support, that’s not failure. It’s wisdom. You’re not alone, friend. You’re just ready for better.

Click here to talk to a therapist. Click here to take my on-demand 4-week course to reignite your marriage and reclaim your identity. Or, click here to explore my on-demand 2-hour workshop to reconnect with your partner.

Useful links:

• Join our FaceBook Page – Empowered and Unapologetic
• Follow me on Instagram
• Check out the new website! https://veronicacisneros.org/
• Outside The Norm Counseling – 951 395 3288 call to schedule an appointment today!
• 5 Things that are Killing your Marriage Free Guide available at www.veronicacisneros.org

Meet Holly Swensen

Holly Swenson is an award-winning and best-selling author on the rise. She is also a BSN, RN, wellness blogger, wellness and culture commentator, the mother of 4 incredible sons, and a perpetual student of life. She is on a mission to bring more wellness, joy, and intentionality to parenting and beyond. Writing her first book was a deep calling and a way she could be of service to parents everywhere.

WEBSITE: https://liveyourglow.live/

IG: @‌hollyswenson_liveyourglow

Meet Veronica Cisneros

Veronica Cisneros, LMFT, helps women stop fighting the same fight on repeat and start truly connecting in their relationships.

A Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with over 12 years of experience, Veronica specializes in helping high-achieving women break out of destructive conflict cycles and build healthier, more connected relationships—without losing themselves in the process.

As the founder of Outside the Norm Counseling, marriage coach, and host of the Empowered and Unapologetic podcast, Veronica brings a no-nonsense approach to relationship healing. Her clients know—she doesn’t do bandaids. She gets to the root.

Veronica’s guidance blends practical communication tools with deep emotional insight, empowering women to challenge old patterns, repair emotional wounds, and foster real, lasting change in their marriages and families. She’s walked the walk too—with over 25 years of marriage, three daughters, and a thriving career, she knows what it takes to navigate the messiness of love, parenting, and personal growth.

Whether she’s working with couples in her practice or coaching women through relationship burnout, Veronica helps people shift from blame and burnout to clarity, compassion, and collaboration. Her honest, relatable style—and that sharp wit—make her a trusted voice for women ready to stop surviving their relationships and start thriving in them.

Whether you listen to the podcast, join the free Facebook community, or do the Workshop,  you’re in the right place. Let’s do this together!

Thanks for listening!

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