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Mama, I know you love your kid. I also know that love doesn’t come with a manual for what to do when they start shutting the door more than they open it. One day they’re asking you to watch movies together, the next they’re living in their room like it’s their own private Airbnb. They’re sleeping a lot. They’ve got the “emo” playlist on repeat. And you’re sitting there thinking, Is this just being a teenager… or something more?

Here’s the thing: I hear this story all. the. time. Parents tell me, “But we’re a good family. I didn’t think it was bad enough for therapy.” And then six months later, that same kid’s depression has gotten worse. That gap between “something feels off” and “we need help” is where a lot of teens fall through the cracks.

Depression in teens is real and more common than most parents think. It affects about 4–5% of adolescents worldwide every year. Yet only one in four get treatment. And untreated depression? It doesn’t just magically evaporate. It lingers. It deepens. And yes: it can become life-threatening.

Why Your “Good Family” Doesn’t Cancel Out Depression

One of the biggest roadblocks I see is parents thinking, We’re nothing like my parents, so what’s their problem? You’re there for them. You feed them. You drive them to practice. You actually know their friends’ names. By all accounts, you’re rocking this parenting thing compared to how you grew up.

But your teen’s brain doesn’t measure their depression against your childhood trauma. It measures it against their own internal world, and right now, that world might feel heavy, disconnected, and hard to explain. They can have “everything” and still feel nothing. Guilt often makes it worse: My parents are great, so I must be the problem.

So, before you start reminding them how much they have, pause. That’s your need for reassurance talking, not their need for help.

Five Things To Do When You Suspect Your Teen is Struggling

1. Listen to Understand: Not to Fix.
   I know your mom-brain (or dad-brain) wants to solve it. But asking Why are you depressed? is like asking someone with a broken leg why they can’t run. Most teens don’t have the “why” yet. Instead, ask open-ended questions: “How are you feeling?” “Tell me more.” Your job is to be curious, not convincing.
2. Ditch the Judgment and Criticism.
   Saying, It’s just a phase, or Snap out of it, doesn’t snap them out of anything. It just tells them their feelings aren’t safe with you. Yes, maybe your struggles were different (maybe way harder.) But their reality is still valid. Different life, same pain.
3. Control Your Emotions Before You Respond.
   If you grew up being told to “suck it up,” it’s easy to repeat that script when you’re frustrated. But blowing up, lecturing, or minimizing will shut your kid down faster than a bad Wi-Fi connection. If you need to take a beat (or twenty), take it.
4. Validate Their Feelings (Without Agreeing).
   Validation isn’t about cosigning every statement they make. It’s about saying, “I hear you. I get that you feel overwhelmed.” One of my favorite tools? The Feelings Wheel. It helps teens put words to what they’re feeling, which is a game-changer when their emotions are all over the place.
5. Get Professional Help.
   If your teen asks for therapy, say yes. Not, “Maybe later.” Not, “We can handle this at home.” Yes. A therapist isn’t there to replace you. They’re there to give your teen tools and a safe place to work through things they can’t yet bring to you.

The “I’ll Just Wait” Trap

Here’s a pattern I wish I could erase from my career: Parents who tell me, “She asked for help last year, but I didn’t think it was that bad.” Now she’s cutting. Or, “He seemed down, but I figured it was just teen stuff.” Now he’s failing classes and doesn’t leave his room.

The earlier you act, the more likely your teen can bounce back without long-term damage to their mental health. Waiting because you’re worried what people will think (What will they say if they know my kid’s in therapy?) is like refusing antibiotics because you don’t want anyone to know you had strep.

Parenting in the Discomfort Zone

Look, I get it. I’m a therapist and a mom of three girls. When my kids hurt, my first instinct is to fix it — even though I know clinically that fixing isn’t the goal. It’s uncomfortable to admit you don’t know what to do. It’s hard to accept that your kid needs more than you can give right now. But sitting in that discomfort is part of being the parent they need.

And here’s the truth: Getting your teen into therapy isn’t a sign you’ve failed. It’s proof you’re paying attention.

Bottom Line: Don’t Wait for “Rock Bottom”

If your gut is telling you something’s off, believe it. If your teen says they want therapy — schedule it. This isn’t about overreacting; it’s about acting before things spiral.

And while they’re getting help, keep showing up. Keep listening. Keep validating. Your relationship might just become the anchor that helps them weather this storm.

You’re Doing a Good Job

You’re doing a good job. The fact that you’ve read this far means you care deeply about your kid’s wellbeing. That matters more than you know. Parenting a teen with depression isn’t about perfection — it’s about persistence, patience, and getting the right help at the right time.

Click here to talk to a therapist. Click here to take my on-demand 4-week course to reignite your marriage and reclaim your identity. Or, click here to explore my on-demand 2-hour workshop to reconnect with your partner.

Useful links:

• Join our FaceBook Page – Empowered and Unapologetic
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• Check out the new website! https://veronicacisneros.org/
• Outside The Norm Counseling – 951 395 3288 call to schedule an appointment today!
• 5 Things that are Killing your Marriage Free Guide available at www.veronicacisneros.org

Meet Veronica Cisneros

Veronica Cisneros, LMFT, helps women stop fighting the same fight on repeat and start truly connecting in their relationships.

A Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with over 12 years of experience, Veronica specializes in helping high-achieving women break out of destructive conflict cycles and build healthier, more connected relationships—without losing themselves in the process.

As the founder of Outside the Norm Counseling, marriage coach, and host of the Empowered and Unapologetic podcast, Veronica brings a no-nonsense approach to relationship healing. Her clients know—she doesn’t do bandaids. She gets to the root.

Veronica’s guidance blends practical communication tools with deep emotional insight, empowering women to challenge old patterns, repair emotional wounds, and foster real, lasting change in their marriages and families. She’s walked the walk too—with over 25 years of marriage, three daughters, and a thriving career, she knows what it takes to navigate the messiness of love, parenting, and personal growth.

Whether she’s working with couples in her practice or coaching women through relationship burnout, Veronica helps people shift from blame and burnout to clarity, compassion, and collaboration. Her honest, relatable style—and that sharp wit—make her a trusted voice for women ready to stop surviving their relationships and start thriving in them.

Whether you listen to the podcast, join the free Facebook community, or do the Workshop,  you’re in the right place. Let’s do this together!

Thanks for listening!

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