[TRACY LALONDE]
So it’s really taking our brains to the gym, so to speak .so it starts at that. Then it’s getting clear around the values. Then it’s getting clear about your most joyous strengths, because there’s lots of things that you and I are good at that don’t necessarily make us happy.
[VERONICA CISNEROS]
Hey girl. Imagine a life where you feel supported, connected and understood. I get it. Being a mom is hard, especially when you’re spinning so many plates. We exhaust ourselves trying to create the perfect life for our family. You deserve to enjoy your family without the stress perfectionism brings. On this podcast, I provide practical and relatable life experiences. I teach women quick and easy to use strategies to help them reclaim their identity, re-ignite their marriage and enjoy their children. If you’re ready to be challenged, then pull up a chair, grab a pen and paper because it’s about to go down. I’m Veronica Cisneros, a licensed marriage and family therapist and this is the Empowered and Unapologetic podcast.

Welcome to Empowered and Unapologetic. I’m your host, Veronica Cisneros. How many of you are guilty of spinning way too many plates and you don’t necessarily provide yourself with the opportunity to experience any form of joy in your life until all of those boxes are checked? Well, yes, me too. Today’s guest is an overachiever business development coach and professional speaker. After 20 years in the legal industry, a field with extreme rates of burnout, she witnessed her successful peers deal with high levels of anxiety, worry, and stress. At the peak of her career, she stepped away from her business to embark on her own joy journey. She founded Joychiever to help other achievers, to help over achievers define their unique joy journey and apply their ambition to achieve a balanced, happy life. So please help me by welcoming Tracy LaLonde. Hey Tracy.
[TRACY]
Hey Veronica. Happy to be here with you.
[VERONICA]
Thank you so much. So I’m reading your book, I’m doing as much research as I can on you, and it’s like, holy moly. My listeners are going to know what I’m talking about, but I’ll explained. I identify so much with Lauren. It’s like me and Lauren are totally homeys. Like we’ve never met, but we’re totally, totally sisters. And I say that because Tracy, you do a great job of really capturing the reader with like, just not only your examples, but like so many we can relate. And Lauren being this overachiever who was initially reprimanded by her dad who didn’t understand the difference between E’s and F’s and still, even though she knew he was wrong, the amount of shame and disappointment that not only did she see in her father, but also felt in herself that haunted her for a good amount of her life. And I think we all struggle with that. So before your success, because you’ve had a great amount of success before your success, can you tell me your failure stories?
[TRACY]
Well, the Lauren story is my story. Though you know, that was my dad. So it starts at six years old that we’re raised and then we internalize over time those expectations for ourselves. And you know, it was interesting, I was going to say lucky enough to graduate valedictorian. That’s not actually true. I worked my butt off to graduate high school as valedictorian, and then went into college and still got straight A’s in that first semester. And then I said to myself, “When can I stop being perfect? When is good, good enough?” And I think that was part of the understanding of, okay, something’s got to give know. I didn’t really understand fully what that meant at 18 years old, but it’s interesting because when you see what your failure story that next semester, I got one A, two Bs, a C, and a D. Oh my goodness. I mean, I’ve never gotten Bs in my life and now I’ve got a D and now mind you, thankfully, after I got over the shame of getting a D, which, by the way, there’s no shame in getting a D, but I had to reframe it for me of this is not failure. This is an indicator of accounting. It’s not my strength. But at first we look at it as failure because we’re supposed to always be on that path of success, success, success.
[VERONICA]
Yes. So I like this quote. It says sometimes the hardest goal to achieve is a rich, happy life. Overachievers often fall victim to what I call the once I syndrome. Once I work hard enough to get the right job, get promoted, get the kids into college, make enough money or retire, then I can have fun or enjoy my life. I have to be honest, I totally struggled with this myself. I remember as a kid, I would go up to my dad and say, you know I got into this, it was called upward bound and you were able to attend college. So I was able to go to UCSD for summer, not because I was doing poorly, but actually, because I was doing well. And so you got to take college credits or college classes to earn college credits.

I remember going, my dad and I was so, so excited. I’m like, “Dad, guess what? Like totally going to go to UCSD for the summer.” And I remember my dad looking at me and saying, “Well, what is that going to do for me?” And it was like, the message I received back then was, that’s not enough. You have to try harder. You have to work more. You have to do more. So I ended up being that high achiever. Okay, well, what’s next? Anytime I was introduced to something new whether it be a job, whether it be a task, it was like, oh, well I have to do it because it’s been, I was brought to my attention and why the hell not? Why do you, so, I mean, I think we kind of answered it, but why do you think, we not only fall victim to this, but we like literally imprison ourselves in this mindset.
[TRACY]
Yes. I think some of it is keenly based on our value set, as in the jewels. I would imagine in your value set, you have some version of excellence or perfection or something like that that drives us underneath. In fact, I was asked not long ago of kind of what’s the difference between perfectionism and overachieving. And I think perfection is of value, that has a huge amount of benefit and overachievers take it to the extreme. And we all know that anything to the extreme is never good for us. So it is a drive within us. I can get of our values and it’s learning how to navigate that so that we don’t also burn ourselves out, being a process.
[VERONICA]
Do you think it also is part of how we see ourselves? Like it now becomes our identity?
[TRACY]
Absolutely. And how others see us and so when we try to be different or try to change, they get surprised or say, “Well, that’s not the way that you do things. Oh, wait a minute, hang on.” You know, maybe it’s not the way I want to do things and so you need to let me have some room in order to figure out what that is and how that could be. And especially being a mom, whether you’re working mom or not a working mom, those expectations are huge because you are steering lives. Now, and there’s a lot of expectation to do that well that is placed upon us an also we place upon ourselves.
[VERONICA]
Yes, and I think that’s where that road, that journey to being the overachiever, you know truly becomes, what is the word? It becomes our own monster, right?
[TRACY]
Yes, it’s the gremlin. That’s the gremlin on the shoulder.
[VERONICA]
Yes. So in the book I wanted to make sure I highlighted this too, The Top Five Regrets of the Dying. You highlighted that book and you know, a couple of them, when I was reading, I was like, oh, I wish I had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me. So as a mom, we are, there’s a high level of expectations on the type of mother we need to be. You know, we’re the mom who has the clean house, we’re the mom with the clean kids, obedient kids or the mom who has it all together, has all of the answers and all at the same time, we’re well rested, well put together and we’re excited about life. I don’t know how the hell that even makes sense.
[TRACY]
I know.
[VERONICA]
And at no time are we allowed, and what I mean by that is at no time, do we really give ourselves permission to experience life? We’re so busy trying to coordinate it for everybody else. Very rarely do we take a step back and take part in the joys of life. And we stick to that being the overachiever. We stick to having the tasks dictate our identity. Another regret was, I wish I hadn’t worked so hard. I wish I had the courage to express my feelings. When I look at the overachiever and then I look at the mom, there’s so many parallels, but in addition to that one question I often ask my moms is, are you happy? And if not, why? Why aren’t you allowing yourself to be happy? So I have to be honest, if you were to tell me, “Hey Veronica, I’m going to strip you of all of those tasks and I really want you to embrace life.”

Like, I’m going to tell you right now, because I did, I fought tooth and nail to have some form of control, what are your steps? What’s your process? And you do mention this in your book. There’s seven steps, I believe. But what is your process for us to, I don’t want to say, let go, to release that illusion of control and embrace, embrace life, embrace joy.
[TRACY]
Yes. Probably like, I think a lot of it has to do with that we don’t actually know ourselves deeply enough. This comes from somebody who felt like she knew herself pretty well. And what I’ve realized on the journey and why I had the book fashioned in the way that I have is to do that deeper dive. And if folks haven’t done it before the Joychiever Journey lays it out in order. You start with perceptions [inaudible 00:11:21] then goes to values, then thinking about your strengths. So I’ve put it in that order. I’m also developing a questionnaire so people can identify which of those seven areas might be their places to start. And it’s a refinement of awareness. So let me take values since we’ve talked about them already. Most people are unable to list their exact values, number one, and number two, also know what their personal definition of each of those values are.

Why I think that’s critical is they are the undercurrent by which we make all of our decisions. And we are all entitled to our own distinct and unique values. So I think every person who’s struggling with this and wants to be happier, needs to go get clear with exactly what their values are. I have a survey on my website where people can go download those values cards or just Google values sort exercise, because that tells a lot about you and it’s not how you think your values should be by the way because that’s the struggle. Because I am happy to be philanthropic in the world, but it’s not one of my top 10 values. It doesn’t make me a bad person because I don’t want to spend all my weekends at a soup kitchen as an example.

It just is. And letting that be okay is really important for people to understand. So I think it’s that kind of awareness, really deep down, well-refined awareness of ourselves so that we know how to make small daily choices for joy. Because I think when you say to someone, are you happy? Well, no, I’m not. Okay. Well then be happier. Well, —
[VERONICA]
That doesn’t work. That doesn’t work.
[TRACY]
And it’s not like anybody’s going to read this book or have a coaching session with you or what have you and then all of a sudden like, “Oh, hey. I got it.” No, because that’s not life. You know, we have to make choices every day based on what’s in front of us, what we’re dealing with, what’s coming at us and to say, “Okay, given all this, what choices can I make today that can help this be a more joyful day?”
[VERONICA]
How do we do that? So a lot of women get stuck with, I love that you just said, it’s not what you think other people want joy to look like. So how do we do that? How do we find our own joy? How do we find what lights us up?
[TRACY]
Yes. Well, it’s all in all of those [inaudible 00:13:47]. So it’s how you perceive the world. So it’s glass half empty, half full, if you will. And little known fact is that our brains take in 11 million bits of information every second from all five of our senses, but we can only process 40 of them at a time. So we are consciously or subconsciously choosing what to focus on. So it’s focusing on the positive or starting to focus on the positive. So that’s where things like kindness and gratitude and mindfulness and meditation and exercise come into play because when we’re focused on the negative, certain parts of our brain get triggered and more focused on the positive, different parts of our brain get triggered. So it’s really taking our brains to the gym, so to speak. So it starts at that then it’s getting clear around the values, then it’s getting clear about your most joyous strengths, because there’s lots of things that you and I are good at that don’t necessarily make us happy.
[VERONICA]
No. How do we determine between the two? That’s great. I’m glad you said that. So how do we know like, “Okay, we’re really good at this, but it doesn’t necessarily make us happy.”
[TRACY]
So some clues are, how does it make you feel? Do you look forward to that activity? Does time fly by? Do you feel super energized? Are you smiling? You know, at the end of that, do you feel really proud of that accomplishment? Like those are some of the clues that you are engaging in activity that is leveraging one of your most joy is strengths.
[VERONICA]
I think one place, so as you’re saying that I’m trying to put me in here. One thing that happens for me is I start something new, it’s a new mission, it’s a new goal, I get so super focused in it. I’m all about it. It’s exciting and then I meet with some form of failure or then I meet with some form of judgment or criticism. I’ve learned throughout the years that you have to challenge that. You got to challenge it, recognize that it is an insecurity of yours and work on it. However, what I’ve noticed with most women is, “Well, yes it brings me joy, but other people are criticizing it. My husband doesn’t believe in it. So maybe I need to just bring it back. My husband’s not supporting it. I don’t have time to really do it.” So it goes back in the basket, never to be uncovered again.
[TRACY]
Hmm. Yes. That’s tough. And I think, I go back to some self exploration of, okay, is it a finite activity? Does it really tap into my most joyous strength or have I done it and now I’m like, “Okay, got that,” and am I onto the next thing?” Some folks just like to, you know serial entrepreneurs, if you will, or serial idea creators are really great idea creators, but then once they get to a certain point or get certain challenge, like, “Okay, I’m kind of, I’m not an operations person. I’m an my idea creator.” So I would examine that to figure out what exactly is going on and where that joy is coming from. If it is something that brings you joy and you’re suffering because you’re letting other voices stop you, then that’s a confidence thing.

So go back and discover what is it about this idea that you thought was really valid and valuable and why is it that it excited you and then look to explain it to others in a way that can tap into that excitement from their own perspective. Now the husband may not get it because he’s coming, he’s seeing it from a different view, but if you can figure out how to translate why it makes you excited into ways that it makes him excited, then he might have a different view of it and can get behind you on it and continue, because perseverance doesn’t suffer anybody.
[VERONICA]
Oh, absolutely. I think another thing we tend to do also is we tend to stick with what’s familiar. And so as long as we continue on this task, do all of these things, even though it drives us nuts, even though we’re overwhelmed or even carry a resentment towards our family, we’ll still do it because it gives us that high. Hence the reason why a lot of overachievers ended up being burnt out.
[TRACY]
Yes.
[VERONICA]
But I love how you said, like being able to do a personal inventory on where you’re at.
[TRACY]
Well and pushing ourselves out of our comfort zone is hard. It takes a lot of courage to do that, and really in some ways, forcing someone to look at themselves takes a lot of courage too. I have a girlfriend who’s participating in Joychiever with me and I sent her a survey that I want her to fill out. And she said, “Are you nuts? Me and navel gazing, don’t go together.” I said, ah-ah. I understand. That’s why you’re doing this.”
[VERONICA]
This is why I give it to you. Exactly.
[TRACY]
And I got you. Whatever your answer is, is okay.
[VERONICA]
Yes.
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[VERONICA]
Another one is, is your life sustainable? This goes for both stay-at-home mothers and mothers who go to work. That’s a question I’d like to ask. Is your life sustainable? In your book, you go into like having a comprehensive roadmap, you know because we recognize that doing this isn’t, I can’t tell you how many moms have said, “I don’t even go, I can’t tell you the last time I went to a doctor’s appointment, a dentist appointment. I can tell you when my kid’s last immunization was, but I can’t tell you the last time I’ve gone to a doctor appointment.” What are your thoughts about that? Like, so let’s say the overachiever is struggling with letting go and adopting this new lifestyle, this new path. How do you intertwine, like, okay, can you do this for another five years?
[TRACY]
Yes. In the book and the body beach chapter, I talk about stress, sleep and exercise for the stress segment. And I don’t go very deep into stress because there’s a whole industry out there about stress management. But what I think is important for us as achievers is to recognize those signs of stress. So there are listed 27 symptoms or signals that our bodies are under stress, like chronic stress. I wanted to include that because when I was at my height of being stressed, because it’s not, it’s unreasonable to say, we’re not going to be stressed. I’m not saying that.
[VERONICA]
We’re all going to do it.
[TRACY]
Yes, but I was exhibiting 18 of the 27 symptoms.
[VERONICA]
Holy moly.
[TRACY]
Yes. You know, I thought about in the last two weeks, what’s happening for me. And those are things from insomnia, too much wine, being irritable, having headaches. So there’s a variety of physical mood, behavior kinds of things. And I put that in the book because I wanted that to be a wake up call for folks and I wanted them to literally count, like, where are you now? I’m not going to going to go out and suggest, okay, well, if you have 10 you’re in the okay range. People have to figure that out for themselves. But nobody, we need a mirror to look into. And that was the closest one that I could, in a brief way, share or give to folks to let them do have the aha moment of, okay, this isn’t right and something’s got to change here because that’s not sustainable. Because our bodies will literally, I mean, my body was crying. It was literally like, “Hey, and what do we do?” We ignore it. We like power through it, keep saying it’s just temporary, or I just got to get the kids to graduation. That’ll be okay. Or we accepted as well, I got promoted into this, to a boss role. So it was kind of, you know we rationalize all of it. And I want folks to pay attention to it.
[VERONICA]
Yes. What are the consequences if we don’t?
[TRACY]
We die?
[VERONICA]
Yes. No, I’m glad you said that. I’m really, really glad you said that. I can’t tell you how many people that fall into this category come in, severely depressed, severely anxious and suicidal. That’s not the road they wanted to go down. That’s not the road that they all expected. And I can’t tell you how many men have come, the very well-established men and women and they’ll say, “I don’t know what the hell is wrong with me. Like all of a sudden, my heart’s racing, I have all of these racing thoughts and I’m like panicking. What the hell is this? And then the other day I had to go to the hospital because I thought I was dying.” And it’s like your experiencing a panic attack. That’s what a panic attack is. And well, why? Because the amount of stress you’ve put on your body, your body does not forget. It keeps a tally of everything you’re doing to it and if you run it ragged long enough, it’s going to shut down. It has to do to protect itself. These racing thoughts that you’re experiencing are all what you’ve contributed to when you’ve done way too much and you’ve ignored those red flags.
[TRACY]
Yes, exactly. Absolutely. Absolutely.
[VERONICA]
So we’re not going to let this go. I’d like to say, “Okay, every overachiever is going to realize or an overachiever, they’re going to realize their symptoms, they’re going to say, okay, I need a time out.” However, that’s not necessarily the truth. A lot of them wait until they’re in maybe my office saying, “Okay, I need therapy and I also need medication.” What was it for you? I remember reading about loss of hair. You know, you took pride in your hotel points and your airline points. What was it for you that it was like, “I literally can’t do this enough.”
[TRACY]
Yes. It’s when, at the time I wasn’t aware of the 27th symptoms that I was experiencing 18 of them. I was just playing miserable. So I was having heart palpitations and the hair was thinning and I felt like I, all I thought about was work. I don’t, my husband and I don’t have children and in some ways that’s a blessing because having those folks in your life creates boundaries that you have to pay attention to. We didn’t have to pay attention to that. So everything could be about work. And my husband was an overachiever also. So it was just that sheer misery and dreading getting out of bed every day and I was probably on the path of depression at that time, but candidly, I think I just didn’t even give myself enough space to be depressed because I had it so filled with things to do. So that’s really what prompted me to say, hang on, with my husband’s support. He was a huge factor in encouraging me to be me and do what I needed to do for me.
[VERONICA]
I think another thing that is very important for us to realize is there’s never going to be a perfect time to reset. There’s not. It’s not going to be after you’ve checked everything on the box, it’s not going to be after you’ve gotten that promotion, it’s not going to be after you’ve made a certain amount of money. Like I like to give the example of we set a goal to run this marathon. You know, the overachiever is, the marathon was in California and the overachievers in Miami, still running, never, you know ever right. Never turned around to celebrate any of their successes. We’re still running and we’re on our way to Africa or wherever the hell, still running.
[TRACY]
It’s true. Well, and I want people to manage it before they get to that point.
[VERONICA]
Yes. Yes.
[TRACY]
And I don’t, because I ended up leaving this great, I was part owner of a company and I left and I took eight months off. And while that sounds glamorous and kind of like eat, pray, love, there was a lot of hard work and scary as hell. I actually don’t want folks to do that. I’ve written the book and the way that I have because I want them to manage it. And candidly, I’ve also read it in a way, because it is a journey, and if the goal is to get to our happy place, however an individual defines it, you’re going to revisit these places that I talk about because suddenly you may have a health issue so you’re going to go to body beach. Or maybe your family dynamic changes so you want to go back and revisit your values, things like that.

So it’s this evolving fluid thing called life and recognizing where you need to make traces for you. You know, it’s interesting. In January of this year, I had an opportunity to launch a new service for, I have two businesses, so for the other business. Because I had created it during COVID as a way to potentially make money, and I thought, well, I’ve got this asset, I’m going to monetize this thing and let’s go do it, it started to stress me out and really stressed me out. And finally, I had a big epiphany one day of, “Hey, this is causing me more pain than joy. Why? Why am I doing this?” And someone said, “Well, yes, but that wasn’t joyful.” I said, “No, no, no. No, this is how I’ve evolved.” Previously that might’ve taken me a year to figure that out, but this time it only took me three weeks. That’s success. That situation is just sometimes you don’t know. You have to get in and be living with it to understand that it’s not a good fit for you. So it’s not like we’re going to know which choices automatically are going to bring us joy, but we need to be paying attention to those signs when we see them and not let ourselves get into that trap of letting that agony go on and on and on.
[VERONICA]
Absolutely. And I think, believe it’s chapter five, it’s strengths mountain make the best part of your job, the biggest part of your job. How do we do?
[TRACY]
Yes. So it’s getting clear on your most joy strengths. I suggest to folks that if they, so it’s paying attention to those signals, you know what what’s fun to do. You can also do a time study. I encourage people to look at kind of what is a more normal week or two weeks then literally create a calendar every 15 minute increments on what you’re doing and rate it on a scale of one to five of what’s most of invigorating for you, and what’s not And then go back and look at it and see where there are patterns. So first you’ve got to figure that out, pay attention to what people tell you you’re really good at, or where you light up. Then the tough part comes in having that conversation with the powers that be in order to make it the biggest part of your job.

So there’s some tips in there about how to maybe talk with your boss to say, “This is really an invigorating strength for me. Is there anything that we could do within my current role so I could do these kinds of activities more?? Because I’m not saying it’s going to be a hundred percent. Not likely. So that’s one example. Or now that we have this awareness of these most joyous strengths, it’s volunteering for projects that enable us to lean into those strengths, asking a teammate to do something that doesn’t invigorate you because it might invigorate them. So those are some ideas. Or getting additional training, or if it’s not going to happen at work, maybe doing volunteer things that let you lean into those strengths. So it’s being willing to talk to folks and letting them know what you need in a work environment so that they can ultimately craft your role so that you’re leading more to your strengths.
[VERONICA]
It makes you so much more productive. It makes the team so much, it builds up the camaraderie of the team because you’re able to communicate these needs. In a household, same thing. I hate to admit this. I hate to admit this, but I absolutely hate to cook. I don’t want to do it. I will supervise, I will be the taster. I will do all of those things. I will be the cheerleader that dances in the background hyping you up so that food is well flavored. I will do those things gladly and had a conversation with my husband. You know, cooking is, I can do it. I can do it well. However, I don’t want to do it. I don’t. A beautiful thing that we found out as a couple is my husband absolutely loves to cook so much so that if my ass goes into the kitchen and tries to like add salt to anything or whatever, he’s like, “Ah-ah. Go. Go, this is mine. I’m doing it.”

He invites me every now and then to cook a meal. So he has time off, but for the most part, it’s worked so well because I get to tend to other things, maybe our kids’ needs, myself, whatever, but the impact that has had on our relationship has been significant. I mean, it’s just taken this significant change. It’s been amazing. It’s been so amazing. And you know, the things that he doesn’t want to do, he, and I’ve had conversations on whether or not we hire people.
[TRACY]
Exactly.
[VERONICA]
And figuring it out in our budget, what that would look like. And it’s so when we’re home, we’re home. We’re both present. We’re both connected, because we both do, you know, I have my practice and then I have Empowered an Unapologetic and he has the stuff he has going on with his work, but it’s just, it’s how we can make this functional not how we want to be perceived by other people.
[TRACY]
Yes, totally. And thankfully we live in a world where there’s lots of people who do a number of those things.
[VERONICA]
Oh yes. Gladly.
[TRACY]
And really love to do it.
[VERONICA]
Yes. Gladly. Yes. Yolanda and her two live crew come over here. Do amazing job at cleaning, way better than I would, way better than I would. So I want it also ask, oh my God, I got so caught up in like thinking of Yolanda and her two live crew. So what would you say lights you up? Where do you find the most joy?
[TRACY]
It’s interesting because I don’t think there’s one answer, because there’s so many different things. When I, in a work sense, when I can deliver a workshop that people really dig in and try to figure themselves out and figure out how to make themselves the best version of themselves, that’s one thing that provides me a lot of joy. Curiosity is one of my values and for my husband and I, that results in a lot of travel. So we had one year where we went to 11 countries and so that provides me a lot of joy, which has been challenging for the last year with COVID. So what we’ll do instead is we call it travel porn, where we will get on the TV or the internet and find shows that will satisfy that travel need and we’ll open the wine that go cold, you know for watching Italy, we’ll drink Italian wine, or if we’re going to do in Spain, we’ll drink Spanish wine too, because we’ve had to still feel that need even though we can’t literally get on an airplane.

I love dear friends. I don’t have a lot of friends. I have a lot of acquaintances and I have a lot of people who are clients whom I love and adore, but I have a core group of really good friends and so a good catch-up with them or, my girlfriend and I just last Saturday, just, we were doing shopping for her house, so to speak. We were on a supposed admission and then we stopped for lunch and had two bottles of wine and just let the afternoon go by. And it was wonderful.
[VERONICA]
I love that. Awesome.
[TRACY]
So those are, and of course, all the time spent with my husband. I happened to be on a business trip with him this week. We both happened to be in the same city. And so just, we had a date night last night in a different city together on a random Tuesday and it was awesome.
[VERONICA]
Oh, so it sounds like you do whatever you got to do to be able to embrace the moment.
[TRACY]
Mmh.
[VERONICA]
love that. I love that. A question I ask all my guests too, is, you kind of answered it with regards to joy. I’ll ask it again or I’ll ask this one. What are you doing right now to live the life you want to live?
[TRACY]
I am being hyper aware of when I am not happy.
[VERONICA]
Oh, yes, yes.
[TRACY]
And paying attention to why that is. Is it temporary or is it something I’m doing or something I need to change? The Joychiever Journey book is new. So I’m really doing a lot to promote that because I want that to be what I talk about full-time going forward because I believe it’s my calling.
[VERONICA]
That’s great.
[TRACY]
But that comes a lot of activity. It’s been a steep learning curve for things I didn’t know about, number one, writing a book and all the social media stuff and everything that comes with starting a business. And I’ve started other businesses, but not like this one. So I’m just trying to stay ever vigilant of, okay, is this just a period of the business? That’s just scary and not providing joy or are there choices that I could make that I need to shift something to make it more joyful. So that’s what I’m doing right now, because there’s a lot going on because they have like you, you’ve got your practice and the podcast. I’ve got this other business too, frankly, that is paying for Joychiever. So that’s picked up. So there’s a lot and so there’s, I’m trying to just sift through all the activity and pay attention to my mind and my body and my emotions and what I’m not happy and do I need to be doing something different to navigate all that activity.
[VERONICA]
That’s one thing I love about this book is although we’re able to identify where maybe we haven’t failed, but where maybe we’ve slid down this unhealthy path, you’re able to utilize those seven steps to bring you back. And there’s going to be one thing I want to make sure I mention. There’s going to be a lot of that. You know, you’ve been that overachiever for a good amount of your time, and you’re challenging that voice in your head that says you’re not enough until you meet these goals. So there is going to be back and forth and I love the way you titled your chapters because you are able to go back, you know to whatever chapter is in your current season and use that as a reference, as guide.
[TRACY]
Yes.
[VERONICA]
Awesome.
[TRACY]
Well, and I want folks to keep achieving. I’m not telling people not to be their not achieving selves. That’s what we’re about. Keep overachieving if you want to, but just make sure that it’s joyful.
[VERONICA]
Bingo, bingo. My last question, what advice would you give to the mom who feels stressed and disconnected?
[TRACY]
I would focus on you. You’ve got to fill that need reservoir and find even if it’s 15 minutes in a week, because if you even just focus on that, you will find other 15 minute pockets within a week. Also make it an active conversation in your household because likely other folks in your household are as overwhelmed too. So if you can put that as a priority to just, because you’re giving, you’re giving, giving, giving, you empty your reservoir every day, every week, and you’ve just got to feed it. You’ve got to take care of it and fill that back in. And so that would be my one piece of advice, just put, be conscious about putting back in the new reservoir.
[VERONICA]
Love it, love it. So where can everybody find you?
[TRACY]
Yes, they can find me at the, I have a website, joycheever.com. Joychiever Journey, the book is available on Amazon and all the other retailers. You know it’s really fun as I do a weekly joy journal on Fridays. It’s a short little four or five paragraph little dose of inspiration that goes out on Friday mornings. So I encourage folks to sign up for that. And then there’s going to be a number of different offerings that are in the works that I’m really excited at to have people engage with Joychiever going forward.
[VERONICA]
I’m super excited. Tracy, thank you so much for coming on. This has been amazing.
[TRACY]
It has been. Thank you, Veronica. This is really fun.
[VERONICA]
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